Post by Janie2 on Jul 8, 2014 17:16:09 GMT
Hello
our younger ad (19)is doing quite well in the grand scheme of things - she is managing to get to a training centre, and with constant nagging feeds herself (albeit with rubbish), and keeps her council flat reasonably clean and tidy. She has a Staffie dog (although she isn't supposed to, the Housing Association are o.k with it, as she picks up the poo) She is a nice girl, loving and kind but has undiagnosed mental health problems. A very bad memory is a major problem, also the ability to sort out her life - such as dentist, dental appointments etc. She gets cross very quickly. A moderate learning difficulty exists and she has no GCSE's. CAMHS discharged her aged 16 and she was section 20 for 3 years, as we had such major problems with her.
However, the biggest concern is and always has been her tendency to be unable to see the bad guys so to speak. We know that we will never probably be able to have any friends or boyfriends of hers in our home - would be too afraid, she has had many scarpes with these baddies who have exploited her and used her. She does not seem to learn.
My problem is that I am exhausting myself worrying about her and her linking up with these people. She has one girlfriend who has more problems than our ad, and who invarably does not turn up when ad arranges to meet her - ( I personally cannot stand her - unbelievably rough, swears, lost track of the number of piercings on her etc).
Ad spends most of her time sitting in her flat alone. She lives a life of fantasy really - saying she has done this and that - which I know she hasn't, and she will admit she hasn't really when I ask her to be truthful. We see her 2/3 times a week, but otherwise she doesn't see anyone apart from tutors at training centre. There is no other young people at training centre she wants to link up with. Even at school (from which she was excluded finally), she always stood on the sidelines, the other kids thought she was trouble. She has boyfriends (I think she picks them up on FB), but none ever last more than a week and it is just a physical relationship
She has no commitment to anything, no hobbies, or interests, and I have tried many things to get her interest - dancing etc. Cannot get her to do voluntary work either. I feel that long term her mental health will just get worse.
I am now in the habit of waking in the middle of the night and my mind immediately turns to her, I am exhausted, and struggle at work.
My question is - do I just try to stop organising things for her, I feel my life revolves around her needs, even at 19, am I ever going to be able to be me, and enjoy my life? Today we had the discussion about contraception again - she doesn't want to get pregnant but unless I arrange it nothing will happen.
I feel depressed and fed up with it all. I do love her, but wish I could back off knowing she is o.k, has friends and can organise things.
Sorry for long moan and would be massively grateful if anyone could suggest anything at all.
Many, many thanks
Love Spring xx
our younger ad (19)is doing quite well in the grand scheme of things - she is managing to get to a training centre, and with constant nagging feeds herself (albeit with rubbish), and keeps her council flat reasonably clean and tidy. She has a Staffie dog (although she isn't supposed to, the Housing Association are o.k with it, as she picks up the poo) She is a nice girl, loving and kind but has undiagnosed mental health problems. A very bad memory is a major problem, also the ability to sort out her life - such as dentist, dental appointments etc. She gets cross very quickly. A moderate learning difficulty exists and she has no GCSE's. CAMHS discharged her aged 16 and she was section 20 for 3 years, as we had such major problems with her.
However, the biggest concern is and always has been her tendency to be unable to see the bad guys so to speak. We know that we will never probably be able to have any friends or boyfriends of hers in our home - would be too afraid, she has had many scarpes with these baddies who have exploited her and used her. She does not seem to learn.
My problem is that I am exhausting myself worrying about her and her linking up with these people. She has one girlfriend who has more problems than our ad, and who invarably does not turn up when ad arranges to meet her - ( I personally cannot stand her - unbelievably rough, swears, lost track of the number of piercings on her etc).
Ad spends most of her time sitting in her flat alone. She lives a life of fantasy really - saying she has done this and that - which I know she hasn't, and she will admit she hasn't really when I ask her to be truthful. We see her 2/3 times a week, but otherwise she doesn't see anyone apart from tutors at training centre. There is no other young people at training centre she wants to link up with. Even at school (from which she was excluded finally), she always stood on the sidelines, the other kids thought she was trouble. She has boyfriends (I think she picks them up on FB), but none ever last more than a week and it is just a physical relationship
She has no commitment to anything, no hobbies, or interests, and I have tried many things to get her interest - dancing etc. Cannot get her to do voluntary work either. I feel that long term her mental health will just get worse.
I am now in the habit of waking in the middle of the night and my mind immediately turns to her, I am exhausted, and struggle at work.
My question is - do I just try to stop organising things for her, I feel my life revolves around her needs, even at 19, am I ever going to be able to be me, and enjoy my life? Today we had the discussion about contraception again - she doesn't want to get pregnant but unless I arrange it nothing will happen.
I feel depressed and fed up with it all. I do love her, but wish I could back off knowing she is o.k, has friends and can organise things.
Sorry for long moan and would be massively grateful if anyone could suggest anything at all.
Many, many thanks
Love Spring xx
