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Post by peartree on Jul 4, 2014 19:34:41 GMT
having said we would never ever go back to the ghastly post adoption support department after the hell they put us through when Blossom moved... we have today had to call them and ask for help, our young lad needs help and Im afraid to say that its beyond our capacity to provide it.
theyve tried to say even at call number one that he is not eligible for help at 19. ive told them I believe he is entitled to post adoption support and what he needs and now is a support worker.
we have no camhs obviously as hes 19....
speaking to and appealing to that dreaded department has been giving me tummy grumbles all day. it feels ever so sad.
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Post by corkwing on Jul 4, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
Sending you huge hugs!
Love,
Corkwing
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Post by damson on Jul 4, 2014 20:04:48 GMT
I hope that someone sensible steps forward. If he was a care leaver, he'd have support to 24.
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Jul 4, 2014 20:09:50 GMT
Dear peartree
So sorry to hear this. I empathise. It takes courage and desperation to ask for help. Are you clear what sort of help you are seeking? You may have to be very clear about what his needs are and what you as a family are able to provide. If he should need some sort of supported accommodation, this can become a route to accessing council housing, which in this day and age is very difficult to access. Both of my adopted children have council flats. With my daughter especially it has made all the difference and she is happily settled. Even my son is now settled with his family.
Thinking of you. Lily x
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low point
Jul 4, 2014 20:43:39 GMT
via mobile
Post by peartree on Jul 4, 2014 20:43:39 GMT
Thank you all especially Lilly
Partridge has a gf who we do like She's got a few issues of her own but I genuinely do like her
But her family are pretty 'lively' on their estate the other side of the county to us- but they've got a lot of kids who've got a lot of extra needs
The matriac has taken very much to our partridge. He's calling her Mum and her to him 'son' (painful , upsetting stuff)
Partridge has deliberately added the mum bit- so got in a mess. The family are keen to tell him things like DLA are worth LOADS and double when you move out.... It's all rubbish but I am worried that this wayward family will entice him to stay and use his benefit for their own and leave him with nothing
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Jul 4, 2014 21:06:42 GMT
Hi peartree
That sounds like a difficult situation. Unfortunately our vulnerable young people are often attracted to peers and families that have problems. This was certainly the case with my son. The biggest risk I would say is if the girlfriend becomes pregnant and then you have two young vulnerable people trying to parent a baby. If he did move in with the other family the novelty would probably soon wear off and he would miss his home comforts. I wouldn't worry too much about the girlfriend's mother calling him 'son'. I have noticed that the usage of the word 'son' can be quite indiscriminate. I have known some older people address any young lad thus. Hope things improve for you all.
Lily x
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Post by mayan on Jul 5, 2014 10:50:48 GMT
Hugs PT - agree with lily. Our ds used to say that the woman who managed his sheltered accommodation when he moved on from the YMCA room was like a mother to him which was hurtful at first - when he was moved on for recreating his emotional trauma in his room and she was responsible for clearing it up (think a whole world beyond Tracey ermins messy bed (it was horrific actually and a reason we finally got some engagement as parents as he was beyond all the experts - funny they could breach confidentiality and protocols then but I digress..). Where he sees mother figures or women actually thinking about his ex fiancé as weak he will charm and manipulate and lie and punish them in psychological ways - it is superficial and convenient for him. As complex as your relationship is it is the real deal as he knows you know the real and vulnerable person under all the layers and also you have seen the best he CAN be. You have a place no one will ever fill - don't let a word he uses so flippantly chip away at that - it's just something they can do to corrode the ties that bind and part of their struggle to detach.
It must be very worrying thinking he could be exploited by this family too - can young minds suggest any preventative steps as he has documented vulnerabilities. Having had dd's building society account drained we are all too aware of the extra threats of new found friends etc.
Much love and strength.
Mxx
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Post by peartree on Jul 6, 2014 8:36:11 GMT
Completely understand the messy bedroom remark Many teens have messy rooms Partridge Well! Takes it above and beyond in many areas- really really bad Blossoms unit often describe her room as wrecked and really his is not dissimilar.... The mum bit Yes it's hurtful But it's the alarm that within a few short months he's calling this person mum, really sucking up to her in a way he's rarely properly managed a simple 'love you mum' here And she's reciprocating Designer jeans My darling son birthday card And filling his head with stuff with rubbish that he's liking the sound of and would much rather believe .... It's just got so serious
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Post by kizim on Jul 6, 2014 10:52:50 GMT
İt sounds serious....and so hurtful too. All the years and time and energy spent...and its like you/we are back at the beginning. As if there never was an attachment and they go off with whoever seems like the better offer.
İ just keep hoping that like lily amd Mum24 and others that life will change again in their futures and some of what we have given them will enable them to lead a more settled life.
Hugs
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Post by damson on Jul 6, 2014 22:53:55 GMT
Dear Peartree He is your son, not gfs Mums' darling son. People are unfortunately rudest to the ones they love the most. Just think Kevin and Perry in a new setting with DLA for added entertainment (not).
Some mistakes just can't be averted, short of depriving Partridge of his liberty. They are part of growing up. I only hope that the crash isn't too resounding, and that it does not shred your life. I wish I could send you body armour, or maybe a pre-packaged pop up bunker? Or maybe a FB stun grenade, triggered by dodgy photos or suggestive text?
xxx from camp preserve
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Post by Janie2 on Jul 7, 2014 21:06:41 GMT
So sorry to read your post re Partridge Pear Tree. I have found our younger ad is drawn to people who are very much like her genetic background (although she is not aware of their backgrounds/problems). I have heard her tell everyone she loves them - BF's are told this after the first date!!! I have tried to talk with her about her rush to be part of other peoples family, to no avail!!! I think our ac have a great need to feel part of more than their adopted family? Unfortunately, my younger ad is very promiscuous and will link up with anyone - she has a council flat and has had a lot of trouble because she takes them back there! She seems to learn no lessons. The novelty will wear off re GF's family, just try to hang on in there. Just be there when he needs you. Best wishes xx
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Post by damson on Jul 8, 2014 18:40:07 GMT
Hi PT Has post adoption support materialised? Or booked a meeting?
xxx D
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Post by shadow on Jul 8, 2014 18:53:07 GMT
damson do pigs fly? ? I hope my cynical part is wrong and pear tree and her orchard are getting loads of support............but I know they have been abused in the past by the system
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Post by damson on Jul 8, 2014 18:55:58 GMT
Oink thud Hope springs eternal
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