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Post by peartree on Jun 11, 2014 16:34:37 GMT
Hello
partridge is leaving college hes in a wobbly whirl and is pushing mr pt particularly and argues the toss about pretty much everything. He's so "chippy" and one day someone's going to really thump him at a pub night out for shooting his mouth off.
hes trying to get a job and not having much in the way of success even getting an interview
someone in his gfs family tells him if he has the dla in his name he will get LOADS of money. At the moment we are his appointees. hes got no concept that taking on dla means the capacity to ring the dept and explain his needs, change details, lay out the level of challenges he has with his level of difficulty No concept whatsoever that he costs a fortune to keep and the needs he has mean that he needs a lot of hand holding in a sort of teenagery way other parents might want to send him off to YMCA for a week on supported living so he'd learn his "lesson"
With partridge this would likely tip him over the edge :-(
so
ideas please how to help him understand the cost of things and other stuff without making our relationship fall apart :-(
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 11, 2014 16:43:27 GMT
Would showing him the form frighten him? Does he get an allowance or pocket money? Maybe you could draw up a list of things that you will pay for, I including share of mortgage, biils, food etc with numbers, a list of what he will pay for if he had an allowance , and see how he gets on with it for two weeks, and you don't bail him out of he spends it in a week
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 16:51:27 GMT
Agree with Serrakunda.
Maybe if you could draw up a list of the types of things he would have to pay for like rent, food, clothing, travel etc and then give him a budget,like his allowance, and a trial test time of say a month or two where he has to stick to the rules and try it out to see what it is like living on his benefit/allowance, just so he can have a taste of what it would be like in the real world without the bank of Mum and Dad bailing him out. He might then realise just how hard it is to survive when you have to stick to an agreed budget with very little left over for luxuries.
Worth a try?
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Post by peartree on Jun 11, 2014 17:18:20 GMT
Do you know I think that's a v clever idea I will certainly get the orchard budget thinking cap on....
Might try doing it with him first, but if I get a lot of gobby bravado or he starts on mr pt, I think I'm going to need to consider doing this some other way. Someone I know suggested the autistic society I might give them a go?
Anyone know if they are good for wobbly small boys in great big 19 yr old (almost) bodies? He doesn't have any needs at all according to him, it's everyone else with the problems because they don't think / behave/ works stuff his way... Oh good grief ! Why is this adoptiony stuff still the main part of my thinking each day... I never dreamed 13 yrs ago it would be still here....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 17:38:00 GMT
I kind of got the idea from Coleen Nolan on Loose Women.
She said she did this with her sons when they were in their early teens for pocket money. She kept a list of everything she bought them for a month, all the things they asked for/wanted every time they were out and about like soccer cards, comics, games, etc - (everything apart from food and school clothes, as this was for pocket money), and then when she added it up at the end of the month, she then gave them the money at the beginning of the following month and they had to make it last, because when it was gone, that was it, no more money until next month, (like a salary or pay packet).
She wanted to teach them the value of things and to learn to budget and really think about what they bought and whether they really needed it or not. She said it only took about two months before they "got it" and started to think about every penny they spent, putting comics back on the shelf, saying "that's too expensive" or "I don't really need it" etc.
I thought what a great idea, as it taught them the value of money and managing their own money instead of relying on Mum to buy things for them and it did away with pester power when they were out shopping. She said now they are older they are still really good with money and they don't blow it all at once like they used to.
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Post by peartree on Jun 11, 2014 18:27:36 GMT
Jmk, that's the difference with a Partridge He would literally buy nothing and steal/ scrounge or just not eat and punish himself for not being good enough at 'saving/ spending' etc or will try and survive long term on cigarettes and jelly beans. Won't admit he's run out, will tell me it's all hunky dory
hes not worth anything, deserves the xxxx end of the stick etc otherwise a short sharp shock of making him live on a tight budget wouldn't work the same as for another lad his age. we don't have a big income. But he thinks, a f/t job advertising £15k a year- quids in! I've tried telling him it won't be his to spend, the government take some before you start...
i do think the budget of the household splitting sounds a good idea though and he likes "absolutes"
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Post by corkwing on Jun 18, 2014 6:46:39 GMT
Hi, Peartree -
Wondering if you've decided how to tackle this one?
Love,
Corkwing
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Post by moo on Jun 18, 2014 9:25:12 GMT
Me too.... Some really great ideas.... Hope some of them work....
Know exactly what you you mean about absolutes....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by peartree on Jun 18, 2014 19:50:50 GMT
Hi
In the end, after a few more days of big argy bargy from partridge We decided to have a try on tackling him
We've had a short set of chats Wondering how it might feel to not have a job and be leaving college That we've noticed the food cupboards need more topping up And think that this means partridge may be worried and needing more food
This turns out to be the reasons for the disguarded cola cans and wrappers everywhere
We think he needs to learn the washing machine, show some responsibility round home to allow him to have more say over where his allowance is spent
So I showed him the DLA paperwork and he was horrified! He's just anxy about the huge change
Comfortingly he's said that he wants all family involved in his flat hunting when it comes to it and he wants to move to the next village....
There's a lot A huge amount going on for him
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Post by corkwing on Jun 19, 2014 5:53:36 GMT
Sounds like you've handled it really well!
Love,
Corkwing
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Post by moo on Jun 19, 2014 6:02:43 GMT
Hugs p.t...... X brilliantly handled...
Hope he's not too blown away by all the new 'stuff'... Lovin' the thought of the flat hunt ( in the next village!!) xx
xx. moo. Xx
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