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Post by daffin on Jun 10, 2014 6:00:54 GMT
Hello all.
Monkey Boy starts primary school in September. We finally got a place for him at a small village school.
The Head seems very sensible and willing to work with us and the SENCO has an excellent reputation.
He is currently at Nursery (2days) and a Pre School (1 day) that feeds into the Primary school.
Both will be doing a lot of work to prepare the 'school leavers'.
Someone at Family Futures (who hasn't met MB, but has heard something's about him) has suggested that we keep MB off school until January, as all the time he can stay with us is valuable.
We are torn about this and don't know how to go about making a decision.
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Post by milly on Jun 10, 2014 11:22:52 GMT
Presumably family futures have specific reasons beyond that it could generally be beneficial? What is your gut feeling?
I'm also not sure how long he has been with you. If less than, say a year, then you will still be building a relationship.
On the other hand if he already coping well with the three days he does do, what is the issue?
Perhaps he could do mornings only for a while - most schools start with a period of half days so maybe he would benefit from a longer period.
Hard to advise really without more information.
It didn't apply to us as mine were placed as babies/toddlers.
But the issues they did have still exist - more time at home wouldn't have changed those IMO.
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Post by esty (archive) on Jun 10, 2014 14:39:56 GMT
Imagine he was an only child, what would you do? Is it possible to compromise and have very little one looked after a couple of days a week so he has you all to himself then school on other days?
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Post by sooz on Jun 10, 2014 15:42:05 GMT
Personally, if you feel monkey boy would handle it, I'd start in September with the others. Actually quite nice to hear someone considering your family and well being of ds but you know him best.
It is quite common for schools to start half days only, so this is also an option, whilst getting him used to going everyday.
Xx
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Post by wibbley on Jun 10, 2014 19:48:50 GMT
Did they give specific reasons for this? We home educate & my youngest never started school, so I am rather biased towards keeping younguns at home for longer  |
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Post by leo on Jun 10, 2014 20:22:16 GMT
Personally, I would say keep him off as long as possible and then see if the school would be willing for a very extended transition so the build up to full time is very slow.
Children are expected to start school when they are so young now - and there are so many that aren't ready for it. Sadly schools are becoming hot houses of constant target setting and the pressure on staff and pupils alike virtually seems to grow each day. On top of that, the organised chaos that is a Reception class can be a disaster for children who desperately need structure and routine (and an adult near them).
I think I would consider all you have heard from others on these boards about how their children manage school and relate that back to what you know of your LO; would he cope while he was there but be having constant meltdowns afterwards? would he be disruptive whilst at school? would he make friendships? what are his play skills like?
In Key Stage 1, children's friendships are very fluid and new children to the class are accepted easily; starting later will not disadvantage him socially. If you feel he's not ready for school then it's not going to disadvantage him academically either; there are more than a few studies stating that generally boys are not ready for school at the same age as girls.
If it's any help, mine started a year late and still do not attend full time. They are academically just about holding their own at the low end of average. Friendship-wise they are not even now socially or emotionally able to fully engage in this side of school - but they manage ok for now.
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Post by daffin on Jun 10, 2014 22:08:40 GMT
Hi again everyone. Thanks for your posts.
Monkey Boy has been with us for 2.5 years, so he has got past the 'settling in' stage but has some clear attachment issues, anxiety and some other things we are still trying to pin down but include defiance and lashing out.
He may (or may not!) have ADHD but is certainly prone to becoming hyper. He copes brilliantly at nursery and pre-school, where he behaves well (I.e. stays regulated) and mixes nicely with the other kids. He has several good friends, who he has built sustained friendships with over the last 12 months or so. His issues come out at home, in new situations, in crowds, around transitions and specifically with me.
DH and I are concerned that he won't be able to 'keep it together' 5 days a week and with much poorer staff-student ratios, or in a more structured environment - he really responds poorly to direct requests to do things and doesn't seem to want to be told how to do anything by anyone (he always says 'I know' and does it his own way or becomes a refusenik!).
My main worry is that the more structured environment (with more children fewer adults) will trigger anxiety and/or defiance or that he will be worried by chaos in the playground or around lunch time and lash out at another child - and that his behaviour will be misunderstood. And that his behaviour at home will deteriorate - which it does at times of stress.
Sigh.
DH is on adoption leave at the moment (I'm freelance, so don't get any, so he's effectively got mine - and has just decided to take 3 months on half pay to extend his leave to cover MB's fist 6 weeks at school. The idea being that it will help MB with the transition, and enable us to transition him VERY gradually. That all goes out of the window if we delay through to January!
The person at FF was just saying as a general rule adopted kids should be kept off school as long as possible - their comments were not tailored to MB.
My gut says we should press ahead and send MB in Sept - but that's partly cos I'm dreading it so much! And party cos DH will be around to help with the fall-out and partly because nursery and pre-school will have helped to create some momentum.....But tailor his start really carefully (half days or less for the first term, missing busy drop off and pick up times for the first few weeks, a 'safe base' adult who he can turn to if feeling scared/dysregulated, lunch away from large groups, careful monitoring at play time).
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Post by sooz on Jun 10, 2014 22:57:46 GMT
Hi Daffin.
If you feel mb will cope with school if he has a trusted adult supporting him, then I think this will be the best option.
This was exactly what my ds needed, but we didn't realise until reception was almost finished. Had he had that support from the start (hindsight being a wonderful thing) it would have saved a lot of problems.
So, as person at ff recognises there is likely to be issues, instead of suggesting he puts off starting school, can they suggest that to enable him to access school he needs one to one support?
Snoozs school did this when they realised he needed the support, it helped a lot, this was before he was given a statement. Can they use PPP to fund this support? Especially at times of transition or unstructured times.
Worth a shot?
Making these decisions is never easy!! Xxx
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 16:46:05 GMT
I think from your last post which explains it a bit better, that september might be the best option if DH is around to help with the transition and it seems more flexible as it can be tailored depending on how MB copes.
Waiting until January won't help if this flexibility is not there and it would probably be more of a shock to him to have to do full days everyday, without the option of going home if he is over tired or not coping.
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Post by kstar on Jun 11, 2014 17:30:18 GMT
They're unlikely to say they will use PPP for one to one support as they won't get that money until April. PPP also doesn't go that far in terms of providing one to one support, however they may be able to tap into other funds too.
I think you also need to consider your own sanity - whatever the downsides may be, the respite that school provides for you is very valuable. I remember when Starlet first started school I used to just drop her off then go back home to bed!
I think I agree with most others here - start him, but with such a supportive head, do it very very slowly. Perhaps as little as two mornings a week at first, build up to every morning, then add lunchtime, and work up to full days over the course of the first term. I know in Starlet's school, reception is quite often free flow play in the afternoons (or PE) so it would have little if any academic impact.
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Post by sivier on Jun 11, 2014 19:44:29 GMT
Agree, try him in September, with very gradual build up and lots of lovely time with DH and you in between...
Can you start with initially one lunchtime play time per week, and build up so that he can acclimatise to those?
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Post by gilreth on Jun 12, 2014 9:07:54 GMT
No experience myself but my nephew only got to full time school just before Easter (and even then he finishes early at least once a week for swimming lesson). He started on half-days - and stayed on them till after Christmas (although he was staying for lunch by first half-term with one adult sitting with him). His time was gradually increased and it got to the point he asked when he was staying for full adys (having not wanted to go at all in Sept). Of course all of this was helped by my sister being off on adoption leave but it has been very worth doing.
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Post by daffin on Jun 13, 2014 19:34:14 GMT
Thanks you all, again, for your posts. Your comments give me food for thought. We're meeting the Head and SENCO in a couple of weeks to start the process of planning his transition to school. They've only given us a 45 minute slot, so we're going to have to talk fast and hope they're in a listening mood!
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Post by doubletrouble on Jun 13, 2014 20:18:27 GMT
Did you say the pre school he attends feeds into the primary school he is going to? Are his friends at that pre school so will be in the reception class with him? Is it possible he increase his time at the pre school and reduces nursery before the holidays so that he has a chance to sample the reception class with the other children and get more familiar with all the children that he will be in reception with.
One thing our primary school did with DS who was very similar to yours was they gave him some one to one after he ate his lunch in the school then he went out side to play for just a few mins at first, then they extended the time until he was more able to cope with the play ground. Behavioural support also got involved from day one and he had one to one sessions every week with a worker from that team and also speech therapist who did work on understanding others and friendships.
I feel you are right to start him in Sept. as a start in January would mean that he would join the class 3 months late and would have missed out on some of the things they do first term. Also what would he actually be doing in these 3 mths. would he join the younger pre school group or go to nursery for longer? From what I remember reception was very like pre school but with uniforms and the children getting used to the routines of primary school and finding their way around with the big children.
I don't remember there being loads of formal teaching and the change in our school was very gradual to 'proper' school work.
I would also ask what the time table will be like, often they have P.E. music, art etc. in the afternoon and my two didn't like to miss out on the fun stuff. One teacher was very good at reading them a story before going home time which calmed them down a lot & made the transition to home easier.
I would find out what the transition to full time school is going to be for all the children. Ours was 1 week of half days then week 2 finish at 2pm then in week 3 they went full time.
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Post by daffin on Jun 28, 2014 18:18:31 GMT
Thanks Double Trouble - and apologies for taking so long to reply. We've been away and without internet access.
It's really helpful to hear how you LOs school helped him to cope. I'm going to go to Monday's meeting armed with some ideas, at least!
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