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Post by monkey on May 21, 2014 20:17:41 GMT
We're having a real dilemma. I know that you can't help but knew I could rattle off my worries on here and perhaps feel a little better.
BD was offered a place at her 2nd choice secondary school back in March. We were advised not to appeal for school of 1st choice as it would delay a decision and getting a place was unlikely. As a result BD resigned herself to the fact that she would be going to the 2nd choice school.
Today we have received notification that there is a place available at the 1st choice school after all.
She's got a good friend (who will be going to the 2nd choice school) but when they fall out they do it spectacularly. Friend is very streetwise and BD is quite a sensitive lass (chalk and cheese really).
She has other friends who will be going to the 1st choice school. She will know a lot of children at the 2nd choice school and less at the 1st choice school.
Both schools are "good schools" and they sit equally from a logistical and academic perspective.
The reason that we chose the 1st choice school was purely gut feeling. We went to look around and BD came home "buzzing". She returned from the 2nd choice open evening "flat". I don't know if this was due to the pupils who showed us around (one was a really enthusiastic female 6th former and the other was a scared Year 7 boy) or something else but 1st choice school felt "right".
I've tried talking to her current teacher and current Head but they are reluctant to make recommendations.
We made the wrong choice of primary school and moved her at the start of Year 3. Am scared about doing the same again!
It feels like such a big step and we just don't know which way to go..
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Post by littlemisscheerful on May 21, 2014 20:29:36 GMT
Don't know how helpful this is, but my parents appealed to get me into the school of their choice - but didn't tell me. From my perspective, I was all set to go to school a, did a visit, knew what form I was going to be in, and then they announced that actually I was going to school b.
I said I'd hate it - and I did, (partly becasue of the school but partly because I had no buy in.
So I would say, talk through all that you've written here with your DD and come to a joint decision (might be interesting to hear what she thinks about the 2 visits - buzzing vs flat?
I've had a similar experience with my ED (but hospitals not schools) - the one that she knew best was her 1st choice, whereas my 1st choice was Centre of Excellence everywhere that I looked. I managed to find someone who had been there (and had a great experience) , and we had a visit (where I bigged up all the positives, she has come round to my thinking. Good luck, this school stuff is really hard.
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Post by milly on May 21, 2014 20:34:29 GMT
Agree with LMC - ask your dd what her gut feeling is. A friend of mine ended up sending her (very academic) bd to a selective school after the head teacher suggested she could get into one. The child wanted to go to the local comprehensive with her primary school friends (which had a very good reputation). The daughter never really liked the selective school, although she did very well there and is now at Cambridge. She did manage to keep up with a lot of the comp friends though since they lived locally to that school.
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Post by monkey on May 21, 2014 21:02:43 GMT
We have discussed it at length with BD.
She recognised the buzz vs. flat feeling and that's why she chose the 1st choice school. The problem is the time delay since we made that decision and the fact that she's now got her head around going to the 2nd choice school.
Today she's decided that the 1st choice school is right for her (as she's not got on so well with her friend) but I can guarantee that she'll have changed her mind by the weekend. It's so hard for her and she'll worry about it dreadfully.
I think WE need to make a quick decision and then stick with it.
Thanks for your comments.
MMx
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Post by flowerpower on May 22, 2014 7:16:36 GMT
Hi MM
It is so hard making the right decisions for our kids, I did not get my first Choice of school so had to go to second choice I hated it and rebelled against everyone for sending me their and then found out 12 months later that I had got a place at 1st choice but parents decided not to tell me. I think when you all chose the 1st place that was what you all thought was best for your BD so I think if it was me I would except the 1st choice xxxx
Hope all are well MM
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Post by esty (archive) on May 22, 2014 7:21:09 GMT
When do you have to choose your secondary school? Big Fish in all age special so no worry for him. Little Minnow in yr 5. Sorry to use you thread but hadn't that about getting in as it were.
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Post by monkey on May 22, 2014 19:33:25 GMT
Some of the schools around here have started having open days for Year 5 children already but most will have them in the Autumn.
I think that you usually need to submit your choices by the end of October. Your local county council should have a page on their website.
MMx
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Post by esty (archive) on May 23, 2014 8:19:30 GMT
Thanks
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Post by flutterby on May 23, 2014 8:48:25 GMT
We had something similar with my BD. She reluctantly got into 2nd choice and had a terrible time there. She was then offered 1st choice for year 8, but by then she was so scared of anything she did not really want to go any longer. We had long discussions about it and then she decided she wanted 1st choice.
To be honest, I was worried she would change her mind again and took the decision out of her hands by accepting straight away. I felt that 1st choice school had the right vibes, she was having a terrible time with "friends" at 2nd choice and felt she really needed to make a new start. I said to my daughter if she then realized at a later stage that her original school was better we could always get her back into that one.
This really helped her, because it took the pressure away from her to make a final decision and in her mind to just trial her new school. It was the best move ever, as it turns out. She still has her issues but has made a nice circle of friends and no b*tchiness or bullying to be seen anywhere.
It also gave her the chance to re-invent herself and make it clear to everyone from the start she would not tolerate bullying.
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Post by rosie on May 24, 2014 20:53:16 GMT
We had exactly the same thing happen to us two years ago.
We spent a lot of time trying to decide whether to send DD to a smaller school with good pastoral care but nobody from primary school, and just outside catchment; or the really large local comprehensive which we didn't feel was right for her but had children from primary school.
I remember posting on the old AUK boards for advice. We were offered our 2nd choice and so resigned ourselves to dd going there; but remained on the waiting list for 1st choice. Not long after we were offered our preferred school. By this time dd was expecting to go with children from primary to the large comprehensive; so we were again very unsure what to do.
DD had struggled to fit in at primary and had a lot of difficulties with friendships; and DH and I felt that a fresh start might be a good thing and dd agreed, so she went to the smaller school.
We are so glad we went with our gut instinct as she is now very happy at the school. She found it hard initially; but the transition to secondary would have been hard wherever she went. The school meets her needs far more than the other would have done. Like Flutterby's BD she still has some issues with friendships; and school have been supportive of this; but she has made some nice friends and has got away from some of the children who were really horrible to her at times at primary school.
I would say go with the school you feel best meets her needs.
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Post by moo on May 26, 2014 7:04:09 GMT
Tuff choices mm.... Like you I have had to move at year three & am terrified of similar happening at secondary...
I think trusting ones gut should be compulsory!?!? 
Go go with first choice now offered.... After all dd agreed ( even if she changes her mind again you can remind her how up & down her friendship with this girl is....)
Go with what you felt after looking around the schools...... Cling onto that I believe it will see you right.....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by monkey on Jun 2, 2014 20:09:07 GMT
Just wanted to thank everyone for their input.
We've made a decision and have accepted the place at the 1st choice school.
I think we all feel better as it's a weight lifted from our shoulders.
Now we just have to wait and see.......
Really appreciate your thoughts.
MMx
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Post by moo on Jun 4, 2014 5:39:38 GMT
Great thanx for the update.... Sooo hope all works well for your ddxxx
xx. moo. Xx
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