A full time job

I agree ! I coped so much better before I went back to work, I had all the housework, shopping done before Simba got home from school, I could devote the whole evening and weekends to him, now I just can't and he's noticed it. I used to cook properly every evening, I lose my patience much more quickly with him. I have less time and energy just to play. I know that most working birth parents probably feel the same, but I think our kids need and deserve so much more from us. If I had the finances I would give up work for another year, he will be in secondary school, there will be more after school activities for him, so I can do a full working day, he will go up from cubs to scouts and I will get more me time

Dream on

I absolutely found it a full time job when my two were at primary school. Quite apart from anything else, I was constantly being called into school (nothing changes there then!).

It is. There is no way I could work - HE or not.

I am also quite sure I will be caring for one of mine full time well into adulthood too.

We recently had our AO re-assessed & were told we were due 39p pw. Not much when you compare it to a wage eh?

I always found the school day was quite short. You can't really fit much in between 9ish and 3ish. Even making phone calls when the person you want to speak to is unavailable seems to take a lot of time. 

Serrakunda don't worry about cooking 'properly'! I must admit cooking is not one of my strong points. Chicken thighs and a jar of tikka masala tonight. And I must say I am not always the most patient person but Dash is learning about sorry and forgiveness. Only tonight I was cross with DH about a minor thing and Dash said 'you need to say sorry Mum'!!
Working or not, the time until Simba is at secondary will fly by and you can have a bit more time and energy.

Respect (as they say!) to Mums with more than one adopted child 

Sadly things have got harder for us at secondary school as the demands and expectations are higher and the deficits more apparent - so more phone calls and meetings....

I'm keeping fingers crossed Bop. All the more reason to get the right choice school. Have made some appointments to visit schools over the next few weeks

Isnt chicken thighs and a can of sauce cooking then Larsti   Don't know if it's the same for others but there are just some things that I really feel the need to do for Simba, because of his history, one thing is proper food because he didn't get it for four years, we never have takeaways, he has McDonald's for a holiday treat, he gets pizza once a week, and I'm not averse to sausages and beans for a quick meal on days I'm working  but I try hard to give him good food, the other thing is making sure he is warm, particularly at night, because often he didn't have a cot or bed,  I still  re-tuck him in three or four times a night, just to make sure

Serrakunda how about a sleeping bag for simba.

Just thinking of the minor things I still do for my young adults.
Dd still needs to put to bed
Ds2 and dd need accompany to appointments- just normal gp/dentist ones let alone their specialists one,forms for ESA/DLA to be filled in,having to make calls for them,arguing with said person that my adults cannot make phone call and will have to speak to me.

Ensure ds2 washes cleans teeth eats and drinks.help dd when she has period(thankfully not many )
Collecting sorting meds last week spent 1/2 hour in chemist sorting it out.
Before meeting their physical/mental health needs.still need to be therapeutic.putting myself between dd and ds2 when they kick off.

Even ds1 who does not live at home needs help to get by.

I rarely have to do any of this for my youngest and have not done so for about 3 years .

Well said pluto

I was glad to read your post, Larsti, as I feel like this. I often look at my friends with two or even three children and wonder how they manage to look after themselves so well, and be so organised, and have a life outside parenting, when I have only one small boy and yet I am constantly exhausted and often feel very drained. I have times where I feel very inadequate next to them and my confidence take a dive and I wonder why I find it so all consuming...is it me and my style if parenting, or is my child and his style of needs? Or both?

I don't even work which makes me feel doubly lame. I struggle to find the energy to pluck my eyebrows and we rarely even manage to watch a film because we are so tired in the evenings.

I have pondered on this so much, and realise that one of the biggest factors for me is Kipper's neediness , needing almost 100% attention, finding it difficult to play alone, and he would certainly never play upstairs alone while I got on with stuff downstairs. He only does 2 mornings a week at nursery due to his attachment style and separation anxieties, and the rest of the time I have to entertain him, and deal with his sensory stuff, his emotional roller coaster and his brain-draining desire for 1:1 attention...and his big busy brain!!

And then, I remember too, that in the last 3 weeks I have seen OT, PASW, meetings at nursery about school transition, meeting at school about transition, had a frustrating letter from the paediatrician that needs addressing, and an almost equally frustrating review from nursery which raises more questions...and CAMHS next week. Not to mention sleep diariy and sensory diet to think about.

He has started asking for a baby brother recently....I can't imagine that at all!!!!!!!

Love this Sockthing!!!