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Post by donatella on May 24, 2014 9:05:16 GMT
I went to a school reunion a couple of weeks ago. All the same age as me, hadn't seen some of them for 40 years. All had adult children and a some were grandparents! Some were contemplating retirement - starting life again without young children! Lots if chins hit the table when they asked about my children!
But I think Milly has a point .... I'd definitely aged far better than some of them!!
So there are some advantages.
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Post by serrakunda on May 24, 2014 9:10:02 GMT
I've definitely aged better than most of my friends, I put it down to the facials  To be really honest I would like another one, if Simba was a couple of years older and was settled in secondary school, and I had an extra bedroom, I would give it serious consideration |
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Post by milly on May 24, 2014 9:50:08 GMT
If I was 5 - 10 years younger I'd like a third. Don't think DH would agree but then he'd be 5 - 10 years younger too so perhaps would feel different.
I do have a close friend of the same age with a bc only two years older than dd1; she also lost a baby shortly after birth who would have been a year younger. Another friend a couple of years older has a 16 year old. The mum of one of dd2's best friends is only 4 years younger than me. So there are a few of us who will be pensioners parenting teens out there. (That is without mentioning some of the adopters I know.)
But my parents were childfree by the time they were my age.
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Post by milly on May 24, 2014 9:54:08 GMT
Oh and I don't look my age either. Not that I have necessarily looked after myself well though I do keep fit. I have never looked my age - couldn't get served in pubs etc when in my early twenties. It's genetic - no one believed my dad was old enough to retire when he did at 60.
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Post by nzhb on May 24, 2014 12:09:33 GMT
Yep - at 60 I will have a 16 year old
I will have racked up 40 years in a public service role & still won't be able to pay off a pension & I will STILL have a mortgage - unless we downsize a lot.....
Not q what I expected when I got married 31 years ago!
Esp when hubby is being 'forcibly' retired in 2 weeks from his public service job ( they have to leave after 30 years service) & no other work in sight & he is younger than me...
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Post by nzhb on May 24, 2014 12:12:00 GMT
Sorry that is meant to read still wont receive a state pension for many years , not pay off a pension
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2014 12:42:16 GMT
You've cheered me up no end ladies as I thought I was over the hill, but mine will be a respectable 21 & 22 when I hit 60, so you've made me feel positively young now - Thanks  |
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Post by doubletrouble on May 24, 2014 13:37:13 GMT
Mine will be 11 and 13 when I reach 60 in 2 years time and DH will be 65! But as with many of you we both look younger than most and socialise at school etc. with parents at least 10 years our juniors. Having younger children definitely gives you a younger outlook. we've been to a few 60th B/day parties and retirement dos of friends from our former life ( mainly DH's old work mates) and I am now nearly always board silly with their stories of their 'normal lives'. I just love having a purpose in life giving our children all the help and love they need.
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Post by gilreth on May 24, 2014 18:36:25 GMT
Sqk will be a very respectable 23 going on 24 when I hit 60 - and as for DH .... by the time he hits 60 Sqk will be a few days off his 29th birthday. But then again I can remember my dad's 40th birthday really well (I was 15 nearly 16) and that is my age next birthday - even my youngest sibling was 10 so I feel old compared to them. But as I keep being told I don't look my age - and indeed it is only 2 years since I last got carded to check age  Poor checkout operator was embarrassed when she discovered I was 39 but I just smiled that someone thought I looked under 25. Yet to go back to work yet and I am both looking forward but also dreading it given the vast changes that have gone through in the time I have been off. I left 4 days into a merger of two faculties.... |
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Post by serrakunda on May 25, 2014 9:31:31 GMT
It's not so much that I think I' ll be over the hill at 60, but I really dont to be a poor pensioner, I'm not exactly going to be rich,but I will have enough, just. Also I want Simba to be secure. Although I think he will be able to get employment, he's never going to be a big earner, he won't inherit loads of money from me but he will have the house I want that security for him,
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Post by pluto on May 25, 2014 13:52:36 GMT
Maybe this sound a bit harsh but it is at the moment not sure that Simba will manage to live independently, or is able to manage money. He might get a house or a bag with money (if house if sold) but if he has not the skills to manage it will be gone in a year or two. In my opinion if he's able to live independently and hold on to a job he'll be fine anyway also without house or money. If he needs residential care it is better he has at least as possible, or one or other money caretaker as he might have to pay for his own care! With all the cut backs in 15 years time, who knows?
I think bringing up children to adulthood giving them good experiences is enough, normally at the moment the parent dies the child is well into their 40, 50 or 60ties and at that moment are no longer desperate for money as their lifes are hopefully settled.
Just like me you are parenting a high risk child when it comes to the level of independence what can be achieved, living independently is a lot more than being able to make your bed or cook. The stranger calling on the door wanting to sell triple thick glazing, the sekt who tries to include him, the train who is cancelled, the bill what is paid too late, possible temptations in the area of drugs and alcohol, basically other people who might try to manipulate or abuse simba.
I don't know you could choose not to worry too much for the future and the fact or he has money or security, adopt a second child and than give them both a good childhood, and a small amount of money (do not think houses) when you let go of the grass.
Say he will turn out to be more dependent on others than you now hope for, and he needs some form of protected living, than he can not even live in your house. Autistic children score generally poorly when it comes to independent living, holding on to jobs and having families of their own. He lives now a very protected life, in special school, everything geared towards succes (what should be and is good), that is a long way from independent living. I would not want my autistic to live alone as he would be alone with his ipad and obsessions, not good! I hope to get him placed into a camphill work-live community in young adulthood.
Do not think in terms like 'a little bit autistic' or ' a few learning problems', this are big obstacles to overcome in real life. Especially as young adults trying to stand on their own 2 feet.
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Post by serrakunda on May 25, 2014 14:10:08 GMT
Pluto, you don't know my child and I'm getting a bit tired of your very pessimistic view of his future when you haven't a clue about his capabilities. nor am I stupid. I didn't say he would be handed a pot of money or house without some form of protection. All I said was that he would have an inheritance that I wanted to secure for him, that would be inevitably reduced if I adopted another child. Over the last few years I have met a number of adults on the spectrum who are functioning independently, at the moment I prefer to have an optimistic view of the future until I see evidence otherwise.
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Post by pluto on May 25, 2014 17:02:51 GMT
Sorry, you are right I do not know your child or his abilities and my experiences with autistic children is not related to yours. I am surprised that you find my post or maybe posts negative, as it is not meant that way at all.
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Post by kstar on May 25, 2014 17:12:26 GMT
Not adoption related, but one of my prefects this year (they left last Friday) was autistic. He was able to cope brilliantly with the responsibility within his own comfort zone - so I would never have given him a speech to make in assembly, but give him a task that required dogged persistence (say checking lockers) and he was awesome. He's reserved in conversation and finds eye contact difficult, but as we learned to work together, he started to let his personality come through a bit. Next year he is doing an apprenticeship in network management - something perfectly suited to his skill set as he literally will not give up on a problem until it is solved!
I know he had the brilliant start that you can never give Simba because you can't rewind time. He also had no ongoing issues with his sense of identity or contact or anything else Simba faces. But he has found his place, a niche where he just fits and it's right. We've had to work on all kinds of things over the years but I'm so proud of the young man he has become.
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Poor checkout operator was embarrassed when she discovered I was 39 but I just smiled that someone thought I looked under 25.
