kazzie
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Post by kazzie on May 9, 2014 21:37:35 GMT
DD (Year 7) is in what is described at a vertical form at her secondary school ie there are pupils from all year groups in her form. We discovered after she had been there for a month or so that an older girl had been asking her personal questions about her background and it transpired that she is actually related to the foster carers (niece) of DD's sibling who is in long term foster care.
I spoke to a SW at our post adoption support line who advised that this wasn't appropriate and she spoke to the foster carer and also suggested that the form tutor speak to this girl about the inappropriateness of her questioning. the form tutor spoke to her and moved her away from DD during form time.
Obviously we weren't aware of this before DD started at the school otherwise we would have expressed a preference for DD not to be in the same form as this girl (Year 10) and had thought that the situation although not ideal had been resolved.
However DD came home at the beginning of this week saying that this girl had been asked to be her mentor. My response is an absolute no and I sent an email to the form tutor to that effect. The SENCo asked me to justify this at a meeting today and I explained that I wasn't happy, DD had been extremely upset by this girl's questions earlier in the school year and she was unsure about continuing direct contact with this sibling but the SENCo couldn't see my concerns at all.
Am I just being over sensitive and should just let it happen (still saying no for now) and then deal with any fallout as it occurs. One of my concerns is that the sibling and DD may use this girl as a go between to pass messages to each other plus I don't want her to be put in a difficult position if any problems arise. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2014 21:48:37 GMT
No your not being over sensitive. I work in a school and this would not happen there in fact we would separate them.
I think the senco' s response is wrong and would suggest you speak to someone else at the school-head of year maybe.
Has your DD made friends in her tutor group or would she consider moving to another as you will still have all next year to contend with.
I hope it gets sorted soon xx
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Post by kstar on May 9, 2014 22:48:55 GMT
I agree, I am a head of house and a huge advocate of peer mentoring but that is outrageous. I can't understand why anyone would think it was appropriate. I also agree that separating them would be a better option.
Incidentally, given your DDs background, I would also ask what training the mentors get - we always insist our student mentors complete quite rigorous training in issues like confidentiality with our trained counselling team.
Your mummy instinct is bang on in this case so stand firm!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2014 4:09:49 GMT
I don't think you are being over sensitive at all Kazzie. I would have done exactly the same had I been in your shoes.
The mere fact that this older girl has asked to be your DD's mentor is suspicious enough in my mind, why your DD in particular, why not any other girl, unless she has been put up to it by the FC to suss your DD out for information to pass onto her sibling.
I would be most uncomfortable about this and would insist that this girl is not allowed to be DD's mentor.
As a mentor they will be spending quite a bit of time together unsupervised and you will have no idea of what is being said or passed on and that is not acceptable.
Speak to the HT about your concerns if SENCO isn't listening to you or is dismissing your concerns.
Better safe than sorry and your DD can have another mentor without the added risks.
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Post by justbserene11 on May 10, 2014 6:43:01 GMT
No it is not appropriate at all. I personally, would ask to meet with the Head teacher and explain how all this effecting AD's emotional well being, which is not being helped by being in the same form as this girl and also expecting AD to be mentored by her.
I am a teacher myself and cannot fathom why the SENCO was just so nonchalant.
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Post by moo on May 10, 2014 7:02:00 GMT
Omg.....
Sorry but this is very very wrong on so many levels....
Pas need to get into school to explain attachment fear trauma & shame
Epac meeting to discuss curriculum immediately
Form tutor needs educating too re emotional issues...
Many Many hugs for you... This is so totally unacceptable.... I am so sorry but this attitude & refusal to keep dd safe is perhaps the worst I have heard of...
Write a letter to head,cc in chair board of governors & OFSTED.... ' every child matters ' is still policy at schools... The letter to ofsted will really get their attention xx
Good Luck..... Please keep posting.....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by wibbley on May 10, 2014 7:46:50 GMT
Wow. No you are not. It's an outrageous suggestion.
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Post by janpan on May 10, 2014 8:41:27 GMT
Just to add my support to the other comments - totally out of order. The school needs to understand the issues better, and to understand every child's individual needs. I am a secondary school teacher and we are made aware by the SENCo if any inappropriate relationships between children need to be looked out for so it is completely reasonable of you to expect this to be changed (personally I would have pushed for a change of form as it is a very strong bonding within form groups).
Does your local authority have a LAC Education Officer - ours has helped out with getting my kids school to understand things a bit better even though they are no longer LAC. She was brilliant and the school that I work at has her in quite a lot and she is full of good knowledge and understands the system so is able to explain in 'education' terminology. We were referred to ours by the Post Adoption Team in our tiny and underfunded LA, so if we've got it, I guess they must be everywhere.
Good luck, and trust yourself, your instincts are correct.
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Post by chotimonkey on May 10, 2014 9:00:09 GMT
I'm with all the others, maybe request a meeting with sw co and her line manager and bring sw to explain that contact is v sensitive and legally ruled by the judge in adoption orders...
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Post by milly on May 10, 2014 9:43:58 GMT
Totally wrong. The senco should have listened to you and respected your point of view even if they didn't fully understand the reason. Whatever happened to the home-school partnership schools are meant to promote?
I'd consider getting her moved to another form group too. If it's like my dd's school they don't spend that much time with their tutor group (hers is vertically grouped too, but all lessons are with her year group)
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kazzie
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Post by kazzie on May 11, 2014 21:25:09 GMT
Thanks everyone for your support. I guess I just wanted some reassurance that I was in the right saying no. I spoke to a SW at our PA helpline when the original conversation happened and hoped that that would have been the end of it. Obviously it would have helped if the FCs had told us that their niece was at the same school and I'm guessing that they saw no harm in telling their relatives that DD would be there too. If we had known we could have let the SENCo know so that this could have been avoided but I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing. The thing that I'm most annoyed about is that the FCs felt it appropriate to tell their family because of the breach of our privacy. DD has taken a liking to her form tutor and she is one person that she will talk to at school so it would be a shame to move her and they are only together for form time as someone has already said. DD really struggles with any sort of change and she is still struggling with being at secondary school. I too would be interested in how much training peer mentors get (DD can come out with the most amazing stuff usually at an inappropriate time) but from the sound of it this was an informal arrangement. I'm going to email a SW that's given us loads of good support over the last couple of years to see if she can find a way of making my concerns clearer to the school because at present the SENCo really can't see where I'm coming from at all. |
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Post by sivier on May 13, 2014 10:33:55 GMT
Just caught up with this - good luck Kazzie. I would be seriously rattled if this was my AD and think it's really inappropriate, for all kinds of reasons. I am flabbergasted that the SENCO doesn't see what the issue is here.
Hope you can get support from the SW.
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Post by janpan on May 14, 2014 21:34:51 GMT
In terms of spending time in form, my school do Citizenship in form groups. This is an area which can open some tricky discussions and is often a 'debating' chamber about some of life's more difficult issues and I have experience of confidences being shared. It may not be the same in your school so only you will know.
On another level, don't underestimate the bond of the form group. They operate as a form for all sorts of competitions, sports, performance and so on, it is not just for registration. We have 'houses' in my school and the forms are based around that. I'm not suggesting that you necessarily break the student/ form teacher bond, but it is something you should be aware of. Even if it is just registration, it is every single day for 20 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon.
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