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Post by Ad-minnie! on May 7, 2014 17:20:58 GMT
LO had incident with another child at nursery. It looked like LO "lashed out" at another child. Very very out of character for him. Then child bit LO.
So nursery put them in time outs. LO managed this and he appeared to get he had done something wrong and the need to make amends.
So why do I feel uncomfortable?
Am I just being over sensitive mother?
It doesn't help that room leader is not someone who will listen. Whereas room LO was in before ... leader was fab.
Part of me thinks let it go as he will have to cope with behavioural management stuff at school.
Any thoughts?
Minnie x
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Post by larsti on May 7, 2014 17:30:26 GMT
Not sure Ad-minnie. You're definitely not being over sensitive, but as to what to do? Difficult one IMO If LO responded appropriately, maybe leave it this time? See what happens as time goes on. Larsti sitting firmly on the fence! Hugs to you...poor little one being bitten even if he did 'lash out'  |
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Post by moo on May 7, 2014 17:39:13 GMT
No don't think you are being in the slightest over sensitive....
Sounds to me that the room leader didn't really know what happened & weather your l/o was provoked iykwim... I know it shouldn't make any difference but it is obvious that he may lash out if provoked... Seems obvious to me....
Maybe a quiet word or even a chat with someone else ( staff) who might have seen what actually set the chain of events off....
Hugs to you & your l/o xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Ad-minnie! on May 7, 2014 18:12:16 GMT
Think you might have hit nail on head toko. If it had happened with previous room leader I would have been more ok with it. I don't feel as comfortable / confident about how things are managed with current room leader.
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Post by milly on May 7, 2014 20:12:16 GMT
I suspect you would get nowhere raising it since firstly it appeared to be effective and secondly the manager isn't receptive.TBH schools are a law unto themselves - we have ranted and raged over punishments given at school many times but even when they are sympathetic and listen, they still tend to justify their approach. We have learnt to let things go at times as you can't tackle everything - and as the child grows up you see that big wide (unsympathetic) world beckoning where they will one day have to find their way.
I'd leave it for now and see how things pan out. (But keep a record - I always forget to do this and details and dates can be soon forgotten)
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Post by chotimonkey on May 7, 2014 20:33:34 GMT
Hi I'm with Toko in it depends on how it's done... My nursery has thinking time, have a 1:3 ratio + spare staff, so if a child looks like they are starting to struggle they are taken to the quiet spot to talk to whoever the spare teacher is and are calmed down before returning to their group, I think if it's not shaming and isolating it's ok to learn to take time out to regulate yourself
V much depends on how it's done... It's so hard to let them out of your carefully constructed sphere
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 8, 2014 6:55:42 GMT
when the bbs was at nursery they did a time out with her once. they did admit that it was perfectly useless for her and she seemed oblivious to why she was in time out. I didn't make a huge fuss but our LA have a general policy with lac that time out shouldn't be used by fc's, so I said this to them. two weeks later the room staff had all been sent on training to learn different methods of consequences for poor behaviour and it time out was never used again with her. cant remember tho what they did instead, so not much use to you. sorry!
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 13:15:15 GMT
If this is a one off I'd leave it and not make a big deal of it.
DS seems to have accepted it and there's no harm done and making a big fuss might do more harm than good as he'd be being single out for "different treatment", but if it was to recur again and again then I would definately have a word. Also the fact that both boys had time out shows the teacher wasn't singling out either boy as being the one who started it and was treating both of them the same which is good in a way as they have both got the message that hitting or biting is not acceptable as they both had time out and missed out on playing or whatever. If DS had been singled out and the other boy hadn't had time out them I would have objected, but as both boys were treated the same, I personally would let it go and I think the teacher handled it well. She may not have actually seen who did what first and just disciplined them equally.
I think it you wade in over one event then they may think you are an over protective mother and I think if there were bigger problems in the future they may already have decided you are a little neurotic.
I also sometime think our kids have to learn for themselves a little bit and as long as DS isn't showing any signs of distress I'd just put this one off incident down to experience and let it go for now, but would keep a close eye on things and would speak out if it happens again IYSWIM.
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Post by Ad-minnie! on May 8, 2014 21:55:13 GMT
Thanks everyone. I think part of the problem is LO has been more clingy this week, i.e. not wanting to let go when we get to nursery. This hasn't happened for a very long time, so I guess I was getting more anxious about the time out wondering whether something else is going on if that makes any sense - as in the hitting is out of character and was there a connection between this and the clinginess (am I actually making any sense here as I don't feel I am being that clear). His keyworker who was lovely fun happy person left a couple of weeks ago so could be that ... !
I think with LO's previous room leader, I could have sat down and had a good chat about it, e.g. when LO got hyper and I explained to her that with him this can be anxiety driven, she took note and then managed to help him regulate. With current one - not a hope!!! (jmk - I think she has already decided I am a neurotic mother).
Sorry, feel I am having bit of rant. Just hard when you don't feel confident in the childcare and especially after having such a fab person to start. Overall, the nursery is great and does suit LO. I just keep hoping that this one person will leave but unfortunately think she is one of those people who just never moves on - arghhh!!!
Also, I may have to move this to ASB as it could be read by people connected with nursery.
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