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Post by larsti on May 5, 2014 13:27:56 GMT
Posted this on AUK board...what was I thinking? It was only after I posted it that I thought it was not a good idea. I do use both boards but most people on there (unless also on here!) would not want to read this..sorry its long! Off to edit other post as no replies...but in fairness, bank holiday and less than 24 hours ago.
We were one of the last to leave a NT property yesterday, door locked behind us. Dash took something out of his pocket.....'where did that come from?' 'home' 'NO it did NOT, where did that come from?' 'In there'
It was 'only' something from a children's doll's house which Dash was enjoying playing with while we watched a short video. I mean it was provided for children to play with! DH searched Dash's pockets.....2 more items from doll's house.
He goes for ages without stealing and so we are lulled into a false sense of security and then....... :-( We decided to leave the items where they would be found outside the door.
Also while at the NT house we sat down to play with some old fashioned games. Another family were there...young couple there with a 2 or 3 year old cherub. Other Mum looked askance when Dash told me that a game was 'out of charge' LOL!! 'We should get cherub some games like this darling' says Mum to Dad. Then as we left I heard Dad telling his son that the sign says 'Way out' . Teaching him to read already.....well at least signs mean something. Dash can read 'way out' now (not sure if he could out of context though) :-( :-( :-(
Just felt irrationally cross that they seemed so smug. I am sure they weren't at all and actually that was us 20 odd years ago with eldest birth child!! But Dash is a severely delayed kleptomaniac with fire setting tendencies who doesn't always tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth :-( What would he have been if he had had the care and love that child had?
Oh and one of the room guides told him (kindly) he should be writing his own answers to the quiz! I told her that writing was not a strength of his. He had already walked on so didn't hear me.
He was doing great looking for things and didn't get bored doing it :-)
Thanks for listening
Larsti
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Post by larsti on May 5, 2014 13:33:12 GMT
I did have a 'like' which is much appreciated. Have asked mods to remove thread.
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Post by sockthing on May 5, 2014 13:56:29 GMT
:(Oh Larsti, what a shame you feel you can't post it on the AUK boards. That was always the one place people felt they could post these things. I completely understand why you feel like that, but it is so sad that things have changed. Sorry your day was .....interesting. I guess the positives for Dash are that he enjoyed the day and didn't get bored...well done Dash , let's measure his achievements against his own yard stick, and yah boo to anyone else's expectations. Feel your pang about the lady telling him he should write his own answers. To be honest, even if that was kindly meant I still think that was bl**dy rude. I wish people would be more open minded and aware that there could be all sorts of factors at play in a family they know nothing about. I feel it often when Kippers out and about and being "interesting". And yes I know that feeling of wondering what could have been for him if his start had been different - you just want people to know about the light shining inside them don't you, and them not focus on the clutter of complicated "stuff". Hugs Larsti.
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yesterday
May 5, 2014 14:06:06 GMT
via mobile
Post by chotimonkey on May 5, 2014 14:06:06 GMT
Hugs larsti... It's so sad when we think what if... So frustrating... Esp when you get looks from people who have no idea!!
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Post by larsti on May 5, 2014 14:47:33 GMT
thank you thank you thank you both Normally I don't have a problem with other people'f families being different, people's comments and looks. I just felt a bit fed up with it all yesterday Also (deep introspection coming up) I think I soon as I saw the little family, just Mum and Dad and little blonde haired boy I said to my younger DD that the boy looked just like her big brother at that age. There's so much water under the bridge since we were young parents it made me feel quite old and weary. I have been thinking a lot about ageing lately and at times being taken for Dash's grandmother, its been getting me down even if I know I am a) old enough and b) look old enough to be his Granny On the way home we took a detour to see where Grandma used to live, one that BD remembered and one that was before she was old enough to remember and looked at DH's old school and other haunts. It was sad for DH and I (MIL died in 2008) but good for the children. DD remembered happy times visiting Grandma and Dash asked some questions. I think it was good for him to have some sense of family history and a time before him. and also the concept of his Dad being a child. So quite a wearing day all in all.
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Post by sockthing on May 5, 2014 15:03:37 GMT
It's sounds emotionally draining. Big hugs.
I was thinking more about the family and the blond toddler....you know that could have been DH, me and Kipper 2 years ago. We looked all cheruby on the outside but GOSH there was a. Lot of STUFF going on privately!
Those look backs at the past can be very mixed-emotion can't they. I had to dig out old photos for my sisters hen night recently and I had all sorts of weird emotions.
I have to say, I love hearing about dash.
Hope your week is better. Xx
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Post by monkey on May 5, 2014 19:51:12 GMT
Hi Larsti I know others say that you shouldn't compare and that each child's different - but it's so hard and I totally get where you are coming from. LO is a bit of a kleptomaniac too but slightly younger than Dash. The best we've had was playdough - stuffed in her shoes. I didn't notice it oozing until we got home! I hope you've had a better day today. MMx
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Post by doubletrouble on May 5, 2014 19:51:55 GMT
Hi Lasrti, It was me that did the like! I didn't have time to reply but just wanted you to know that I had been in the same position.
Once a parent of an immaculately dresses child who was being helped up the too little for him, slide in a soft play place made a comment in front of me and our weekend visitors when I asked DS to slow down and watch out for other children she said 'yes you keep telling him that but he hasn't stopped has he?' DS to even the untrained eye I felt showed very obvious signs of special needs!
Once we were at some outdoor play thing and all the children where to wear hats as it was hot. DD kept taking off her's and the group leader kept asking her to put it back on even when I explained she had a sensory problem with things touching her head. We gave up and went home with a very upset DD.
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Post by fruitcake on May 5, 2014 20:34:14 GMT
Have so been there. The music and movement class in which I was asked not to bring ds (or at least keep him out of camera shot) the day the journalist from the local paper was coming to do an article.
The dad at swimming lessons who stage whispered to his son to stay away from mine, then boasted to all and sundry about said son getting in to grammar school. (Poor little chap, he seemed overly serious and had seemed to really enjoy fraternising with my son and learning how to spit swimming pool water in a perfect arc).
The social worker who "sympathised" with one of my children's deep distress by saying that her son had had a difficult time lately as he broke his arm and had to miss his beloved rugger at his private school for a few weeks ... so obviously totally understood trauma!
I could go on ...
It's tiring being perfect though. Relaaax!
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Post by knight on May 5, 2014 20:40:33 GMT
Hugs Larsti. It must be so hard when you don't encounter certain past behaviours for a while and feel they're in the past, as you say, lulled into a false sense of security. x
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Post by donatella on May 5, 2014 20:47:53 GMT
I have one too! Sat in the barbers with middly - traumatic in itself as he struggles with anyone touching his head.
In comes a boy and his mum - this would have been around 5 years ago when middly in mainstream - the boy was a classmate.
They sat next to us and boy started talking about his upcoming birthday party 'but mam says middly can't come because he's a nightmare'.
No doubt where he got it. Cow,
Sorry, larsti. People can be so crass and ignorant xx
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Post by sivier on May 5, 2014 21:42:38 GMT
(((larsti))) Yes very hard when old traits suddenly re-emerge... And really sad that you felt you needed to remove your thread from the AUK boards. I post on there occasionally - I would have 'liked' or answered too if I had seen yours!!
Hugs to you.
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Post by damson on May 5, 2014 22:05:27 GMT
ummmm Dolls house toys are meant to appeal to kids. Yours won't have been the first little kleptomaniac. It's a good sign that he enjoyed the toy enough to nick the players I bet the NT has a budget line for replacing toys... Anyway, just keep cultivating skin like naugahyde. I was truly impressed by my friend who talked to her 6 year old AD honestly about why she wasn't invited to a classmate's party. She didn't make plausible excuses to save her AD's feelings, she explained it in terms of the other child and family's deficiencies.
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Post by larsti on May 5, 2014 23:00:07 GMT
Thank you my friends no time to reply properly now!
thank you double trouble for the 'like'
We did have a better day today......stayed at home pottering...Dash helping Dad in the garden me doing some serious sorting which I enjoy, DD having a quiet day too.
Larsti x
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Post by moo on May 6, 2014 6:26:19 GMT
Sorry to be late to this larsti.... Hugs for you....
Sometimes it is just too much isn't it.... I have the naivety to believe difference should be embraced not excluded.... But as I sadly know now that is never the case..... You handled the returning of the dolls house 'bits' with great calmness & explanation.... baa would have been just the same!!. Dash obviously had a really good time.... Bet he talks about the day out with excitement in a few days.... So actually it was really a big hit.... He wouldn't have bothered to ' borrow' those pieces if it weren't!?!?
Fret not about the other site... Sadly I suspect it went completely over their heads!?,? We are all here {{{}}}
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by kizim on May 6, 2014 6:55:05 GMT
Never saw your post on the other site Larsti. Sounds like Dash enjoyed himself. Whizz would have happily pocketed a toy she was enjoying playing with when she was a similar age - and she has no special needs - just was too young to really understand what belonged to who.
As for the other site - maybe many of them could not relate because they have not yet has a child places or have not had a similar experience. To be honest, Ä° find it intimidating to post at times because so many people's opinions or responses get overly scrutinised and criticised at times.
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Post by larsti on May 6, 2014 12:23:45 GMT
thank you recent posters I just felt in need of a 'poor you' Its 'poor Dash' really but a lot of things go over his head he is a very happy chappy a lot of the time. Dr Raja Mukerjee (FASD specialist for those who don't know) says that taking things can be about impulse control which it probably was on this occasion. Other times Dash has had to plan to steal things and hide them until he has the opportunity to use them (3 times with a lighter.....one he said was on the pavement) Once he had forgotten something in friend's house so I sent him back in to get it while we all waited by the car. He got a lighter out of kitchen drawer where he had seen it he and friend where getting some scissors, hid it until he had the opportunity later to light a fire in the garden. So that's not to do with impulse control!! And then I feel stupid......WHY did I not anticipate the deed. We re making progress with the lying though, so I must edit the original post as I feel bad labelling him a 'liar' 'he sometimes doesn't tell the truth' would be more accurate Dr M mentioned 'confabulation' as a problem when we heard him speak in March. We definitely get that. Hugs to fellow sufferers! Larsti xx
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Post by larsti on May 6, 2014 12:27:25 GMT
special hug for you Tok (((((Tok))))) a teacher *should* know better
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