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Post by lolapola on May 1, 2014 21:06:53 GMT
I think the honey moon is coming to an end for AS1 (6yrs), in general a loving, caring boy who is keen to help but the incidents of angry outbursts and frustration (usually when I need to hold the boundaries firm) are becoming more frequent and AS2 and myself are getting hit and pinched with increasing regularity.
I'm planning to do some work with him along the lines of drawing round his hands and making a poster "*** has kind hands" (which he does, most of the time) and then list on his fingers all the lovely kind things he does with his hands.
Then do some talking around feelings and make sure he knows that everyone feels angry and that feeling angry isn't naughty but here's where I could do with some suggestions ... has anyone got some positive alternatives I can encourage him to try instead of hitting and pinching im order to release the frustration/ calm down again - Blowing up a balloon? running round the garden?
The problem I can see arising is that I can see something change in his eyes when he 'pops' and all he wants to do is hurt me/brother - not sure what I can encourage him to do that will be effective in that moment of anger.
Secondly, if he does manage to not hit/pinch, how do I praise the positive choice when it is usually in the middle of dealing with the primary behaviour? (Hope that makes sense).
Thanks for reading and for any thoughts you might have.
Ta, Lolapola
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2014 7:34:37 GMT
Surprise you haven't had any replies yet Lola.
Was wondering if you had a trampoline? Maybe getting him to go and bounce on it for 5 minutes every time he feels his anger coming on might help. Apparently bouncing is suppose to regulate something in the brain and as it is so tiring he may well use up his anger by the time he stops.
Is he getting any help from PAS?
I'm sorry I'm not much help. I'm sure others will be along soon with better suggestions.
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Post by justbserene11 on May 2, 2014 7:59:08 GMT
My nephew has ASD and it is severe (he is a selective mute etc). Although he is very passive, there are obviously occasions where he can get very frustrated etc. During these times my sister in law will hold out her hands and he will tap them, it calms him down enough so that it does not escalate further. Would this work with your AS? The balloon idea sounds good, what about jumping on a trampoline (maybe give him a certain number of jumps to do?). Hope this helps xx
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Post by flowerpower on May 2, 2014 8:39:55 GMT
We get one of ours to takes a big breath and counts to 10 does not always work but sometimes, we also got told to get a been bag so she could thump that instead of her sister xx
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Post by chotimonkey on May 2, 2014 12:48:39 GMT
Sorry that I'm not much help but I wanted to say what a lovely idea your kind hands drawing was... It's a nice thing to be able to refer to...
I e heard jumping is supposed to be v good for regulating and head stands... A friend has always take. Her lo to yoga and go into child's pose together with the yoga group calm down chant ... It starts loud and winds down...
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Post by damson on May 2, 2014 15:39:38 GMT
Once he has popped, it's too late to talk to him about choices.
As the others say, you have got to learn to spot the ramp up, and get your 'choices' bid in before he gets too far up the spiral. 'I can see you are getting really wound up,... you can do one of two things now... carry on like this, and everyone will be cross and there will be no x/y/z, or do this to calm down and then we can do x/y/z which you really enjoy')
I got very good at it with my DD, but it came at a cost, as I was seldom relaxed...
I like the suggestions about actions/ fidgeting/ tapping. Self calming is a real skill.
Then they can choose the more pleasant option, and everyone gains.
Now, what you do with people who actually enjoy the 'pop' is another matter.
Some adults drink to reach that state, and seem to enjoy the red mist.
'Look, no brakes!'
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Post by monkey on May 2, 2014 21:00:06 GMT
2 professionals have recommended bubbles to me this week. The theory is that in order to produce bubbles you have to blow gently and this encourages more deep breathing and relaxation. I can't see it working in the middle of a meltdown here - would get the bottle thrown at me! - but maybe before it reaches that point?
MMx
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Post by lolapola on May 9, 2014 9:18:46 GMT
Thanks everyone for your ideas and suggestions - lots to get on and try. I think making myself aware of likely triggers, catching it early and distraction are definitely worth lots of time and practice on my part for a happy home, but also liked lots of the calm down ideas (no trampoline, but we do have space hoppers!) Will let you know how we get on.
Thanks again,
Lolapola xx
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Post by nomoretears on May 11, 2014 18:48:28 GMT
Bouncing is a huge thing, although I don't think it's fully understood why yet. Something to do with the rhythm and brain stem regulation. I think space hoppers would work just as well as trampolines - although as already said, its hard to just whip out a space hopper in the middle of a meltdown!
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Post by swimchic on May 11, 2014 19:02:44 GMT
Feathers are good to..Throw them up with lots of energy, watch them fall..I did this once with a boy who was being assessed for autism. It was amazing watching his reaction.
I use the bear feeling cards with Pink..50 cards with different emotions, so that she can explain how she feels. She hasn't got the emotional literacy yet, so its really helping her. I got them from amazon.
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Post by justbserene11 on May 11, 2014 19:37:16 GMT
Oo have you tried a sensory bottle? Basically you fill up a plastic bottle with water and mix into this some glitter paint/glue and then some loose glitter (sequins too). The idea is that the child shakes it and then watches the contents until they settle to the bottom. It may not be appropriate mid tantrum but may distract enough pre-tantrum.
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Post by littlemisscheerful on May 11, 2014 20:07:02 GMT
I tried lots of different approaches with my ED, but she just didn't have enough self-regulation to choose to do something else (eg clapping hands together) rather than lash out.
I found working on identifying triggers to be the most useful tool for me, which made me better at interrupting her flow before she did anything.
But also, working on my response helped. I tried to verbalise why i thought she had reacted in the way she did, and talked about more appropriate ways of showing her feelings (she was very able to interact mid tantrum - interestingly i got very honest feedback from her at that time, which she just didn't do when calm).
If she did manage to contain herself, a simple 'great control' worked - and this I would talk about at a later date in a positive framework.
She is now 13 and mostly able to not lash out and will just strop off to her bedroom when cross, (which feels like pretty normal 13yr old stuff).
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