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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2014 8:52:26 GMT
This is appalling and I would not let it rest if it were my DD.
I would document it all. I would ask to see copies of the 3 letters of complaint (if they actually exist) with the names typexed out if they are concerned about you speaking to the authors . I would ask why no one had contacted you re any of your DD's alleged behaviours. I would copy your document to the school Governors. I would contact Parent Partnership and ask their advice. I would NOT allow DD to go on the trip, stating that you think they have already set her up to fail and that you are not happy to let her go away with people who show such little understanding for a child from care with additional needs. I would then take DD out of school while the others are away on the trip, and I would do some nice things with her as a treat instead so that she has a good time and does not feel as if she has missed out.
And most of all I would start to look for a school with a more caring inclusive environment, as there is no way she will get the care she needs in her current school with that kind of attitude.
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Post by wibbley on May 25, 2014 8:58:39 GMT
Totally agree with JMK. To make an effective complaint you need the documentation - if no letters exist then all must be logged in your DDs file surely? You can even ask to see copies of her school file if need be.
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Post by serrakunda on May 25, 2014 9:26:40 GMT
Agree with jmk. Even if you got a 'satisfactory' response to your complaints, it won't change the teachers attitudes towards her. Find somewhere she will be supported, and take her out of school for that week and have lots of special treats.
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Post by justbserene11 on May 25, 2014 20:23:48 GMT
You really have been through it haven't you (I was thinking of your other thread too)?
All of your cyber friends (hope I speak for all of you) are standing with you.
Get some 'me' time to reboot so you are able to fight this battle.....change her school and do as JMK has suggested.
Puffff.....and breath.
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Post by littlemisscheerful on May 25, 2014 20:36:01 GMT
I've been thinking about virtual heads. I don't think their remit covers adoptees - but having had a quick look online today - some of them do talk about PLAC (prev LAC) children. They may be a useful ally, even if only to identify schools within the area that show good practice.
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Post by nzhb on May 25, 2014 21:36:19 GMT
Thank you so much everyone.
Luckily my ASW was at the meeting too, so has witnessed all of this. My daughter is SO excited about going on the trip she has packed her bags already. So taking her away for a week isn't going to work. My ASW has already emailed me to say she will be speaking with the school re a debrief on the meeting & a better way forward with communication from them
I have totally lost trust in them. I don't know what to believe any more.
We are going to ask for a meeting with Head & will be addressing the HOY's attitude & we want to see ALL of my daughter's school records. What we have been told in this recent meeting is at complete odds with what we have been told at the last 2 MDT meetings we have had this term at school. These 2 meetings indicated that AD was doing so much better & wasn't needing as much support. SENCO had observed her in class & said she 'was the same as everyone else'. Teacher said she was working v well academically & thrived on praise, and that she at last , had a group of friends. The nurture unit hadn't been involved as there wasn't any real need this term. Head teacher told me that there were lots of positives for my AD this year. We believed she was settling into school. She is supposed to have a safety plan in place as she is vulnerable to bullying from older pupils. To me, it sounds like HOY has decided that my child is the problem. As regards inappropriate sex talk , the school had promised to get guidance from a local school who had a good policy about this - this was supposed to be actioned 18 months ago. I have never seen any follow up from this. My daughter had only learnt this language from children at the school - she is an only child at home & we don't expose her to anything of this ilk.
My confidence has been really shaken. Our ASW has cautioned us about moving AD to another school because of the stress it will place all of us under. I think it will be MORE stressful continuing as we are.
My Ad thinks she has lots of friends at school - clearly she doesn't.
I am fed up with crying about it all. Thank good ness for all your support on here. I can't really talk about this to anyone else as this will only fuel more gossip.
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Post by nzhb on May 25, 2014 21:44:49 GMT
Hello Littlemisscheerful - can you tell me a bit more about virtual heads please? I have already contacted Parent Partnership to ask how I find a good inclusive school & they have told me that I have to look at websites & do leg work & that there isn't any guidance. As we are rural, this could take a LOT of time. We are prepared to do whatever it takes.
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Post by moo on May 26, 2014 6:45:51 GMT
Hugs nzhb {{{}}}
This all sounds appalling.... Having had similar probs with school ( albeit only primary key stage 2 issues ) a lot of what you say about school & pre-judging & setting up to fail to vindicate themselves ) rings so very true....
Also what you say about 'first you have heard of it '.... That was my mantra... Had EPAC meetings & parents events throughout the year & then hit with the double whammy 'strangers child ' report when it is all too late at year end... I would be reading 'stuff ' about my son that was complete news to me... Things that were so off the wall that they appeared to have come from nowhere... Issues that should have been mentioned at the beginning of the school year when they first happened...
My advice follow Jmk 's advice to the letter....
Deffo look to change school.... I put up with boys very unsatisfactory school coz I thought ' we are not quitters with pas support they will get it right...WRONG '
The years of worry & baa being put down has taken it's toll.... It is only apparent now that I have bitten the bullet & moved them.... They are different children... Their confidence has returned & baa is working his way thro the issues... It will be awhile & some familiar stuff is happening but the school attitude is sooo much different/improved.... They are working with them & the respect they give the boys really bolsters their confidence... Trust your gut.... I deffo am with Jmk you have to move.... The belittling is now ingrained....your dd is the scapegoat.... Any playground issues she will get blamed regardless of her presence at the scene.... This is exactly what happened to baa...baa struggled badly coz for him injustice really sets him off....
Good Luck.... Check out different schools for September....
xxx. moo. Xx
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Post by littlemisscheerful on May 27, 2014 6:38:27 GMT
Each LA has a virtual head and they are responsible for all LAC in their area, - I imagine the premise is that they are the constant who is trying to fight their corner. I searched on line and I found minutes/newsletters from VH, and some were citing good practice from various schools, which leads me to think it's worth you asking for the name of your VH (PP will know). Although I believe their only responsibility are for LAC children, there are some LAs where they have widened their scope to include prev LAC - (I think Kent might be one of these). If you asked whether VH was aware of any schools that showed good practice, it might head you in the right direciton - (conversely, which school sshould you avoid). The below link is interesting as a bit of background reading. www.plymouth.gov.uk/the_impact_of_virtual_schools_on_the_educational_progress_of_looked_after_children.pdfAlso, check out the below link theyellowkite.co.uk/I'm sure this contains some good questions to ask of potential new schools.
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Post by nzhb on May 29, 2014 9:27:50 GMT
Thank you - I really like the Yellow Kite website I think this will be going into school!
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Post by nzhb on Jun 9, 2014 8:19:46 GMT
Well My AD has gone off this am for the residential trip ....we have witnessed a lot of anxiety/excitement & wanting extra hugs this morning! We are keeping things crossed that all goes well. School have our phone numbers & husband is on standby if it all goes pear shaped.
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 9, 2014 8:48:32 GMT
Fingers crossed. Hope you can enjoy a bit of down time while she is there
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2014 8:49:10 GMT
Oh best of luck nzhb. Hope it goes better than expected.
You never know, maybe after all the fuss, school will actually try and make sure she is protected/has a good time, you never know?
At least DH is on standby if the worst comes to the worst.
Make sure you and him do something nice with each other while you have a little respite.
Hopefully you'll be back posting positive experiences and eating your words - we can but live in hope.
Hugs to you xx
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Post by lilka on Jun 10, 2014 19:22:22 GMT
I really hope it's going well for your DD so far and she makes some good memories x The school have behaved outrageously. I so hope you can find a much better one for your DD
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Post by esty (archive) on Jun 10, 2014 19:46:49 GMT
Have only just got updated on this. I so hope your daughter has a good time and proves them all wrong. A move definitely seems a good idea though it would need to be well researched. Hope you are managing to relax a bit whilst she's away.
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Post by justbserene11 on Jun 10, 2014 20:14:17 GMT
I am keeping positive thoughts for you. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 16:37:14 GMT
Any news/feedback - How is she getting on?
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Post by twoplustwo on Jun 11, 2014 19:39:01 GMT
Hope all is going well - let us know when you get the chance.
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Post by nzhb on Jun 11, 2014 20:20:36 GMT
Well - she has had a great time. Came home today - not much voice & very exhausted. I have had only positive messages from teacher who was looking after her - no major problems & apparently teacher took my daughter aside & congratulated her on having such a brilliant time ( I got sent a text re this) Teacher called me whilst they were there on trip & siad all was well & she had no worries about DD at all.!!!
I have a meeting with deputy head tomorrow re planning for move to next year.
I thnk I may have a 'I told you so' look on my face.
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Post by twoplustwo on Jun 11, 2014 20:24:55 GMT
That's fabulous news. So pleased for you and DD.
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Post by justbserene11 on Jun 11, 2014 20:55:25 GMT
Excellent!
As I said previously.....often it was the children that you least expected to cause concern on a trip!
You must gloat (even internally) and hopefully they eat a little bit of humble pie xx
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Post by esty (archive) on Jun 12, 2014 22:19:37 GMT
We'll done daughter and big gloating time mum!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2014 6:59:53 GMT
How fab that she had a good time and good on DD for proving them wrong!
I look forward to seeing you post the letter of apology from school and I think I'd be tempted to bake a huge "humble pie" as a present for your HT, (labelled accordingly) as a thank you to the wonderful caring thoughtful staff - not!
I'd still look for a more supportive school if it were me though.
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Post by nzhb on Jun 14, 2014 9:59:14 GMT
Well, we have had a planning meeting with school this week to talk about making the transition from yr6 to yr 7. Dep Head apologised unreservedly for the school not handling the whole situation very well, & stated they wouldn't have any problems with taking her away again! He has clearly dealt with other staff involved in the whole debarcle. ( have I spelt that right?) We did have a very unsettled day after the trip - at school & home & DD had to be collected from school as so unsettled & dysregulated & she's got herself a lunchtime sanction for going in the boys toilets. She was v rude & angry. School seem to have understood this is all about transition & exhaustion. Thank goodness we seem to be back to a calmer state within 48 hours.
I am hoping this is a small price to pay for what was a very successful trip for her.
Teacher who went on trip to be there for DD reported that she had a lovely time & was a delight to be with!
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Post by sooz on Jun 14, 2014 12:30:51 GMT
I'm so pleased!! Well done to your dd too.
Also very pleased they've understood some 'fall out'. My ds generally has a fair amount of unsettled time when he's been away, but if you weigh it up against good times and invaluable experiences it's worth it.
Good news!!! Xx
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Post by esty (archive) on Jun 14, 2014 13:26:03 GMT
Great to hear.
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Post by moo on Jun 14, 2014 14:06:26 GMT
Soo glad to hear about great fall out management especially when it's by a school!?
Congratulations....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2014 14:40:25 GMT
Well done all round and hopefully DD's school may have learned a lesson that "every child matters" and every child deserves a chance ie innocent until proven guilty.
Hopefully future adopted children will receive more understanding.
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