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Post by sockthing on Apr 26, 2014 19:41:12 GMT
We are Away on a long weekend, staying in a lodge / cabin thingy.
Nightmare 24 hours, awful behaviour, provocative, hyperactive, deliberately disobedient, sometimes just tuning us out...I think genuinely dissociating or cutting off. Lots of sensory seeking behaviour some of it quite dangerous like tipping the sofa up over and over and slamming doors. All he wants to do is play chase round this tiny log cabin, we are exhausted.
He's been almost literally bouncing off the walls despite being very very tired...So we take him outside to walk around the pretty footpaths around the cabin and he gets oppositional and nervous of going down the path - running off at top speed, seemingly would rather be running through woods on his own than following us.
We we have had nice bits too, tree climbing, bug hunting, chasing the sea..where he looked truly alive and happy, he found a ball of string in my bag and that suddenly calmed him down,kept him happy for about an hour pretending to be a bug catcher.
He's almost driven me to tears several times today, and he's been shouted at too many times. , then at bath time his toy shark suddenly "asks" : "are we staying here forever??"
Then again at bed time, Big Teddy thinks we are staying here forever too. We got Kippers visual timeline out again and talked Big Teddy through it again.
So....Seems my poor little guy has been feeling really scared all day long. : (
no no need for replies really, especially as the wifi here is dreadfully erratic. But it's been an awful day and I needed somewhere to park it!!
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Post by esty (archive) on Apr 26, 2014 19:51:14 GMT
Strength for tomorrow. Hope the stories help to settle him.
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Post by sooz on Apr 26, 2014 20:14:12 GMT
I took ds away a few years ago, stayed in a chalet, his behaviour was exhausting! At one point I took him for a walk around the site, just for a walk, not going anywhere in particular and he looked terrified, holding my hand so tightly and kept saying 'where are we going' over and over. I felt awful and just sat down and hugged him and sobbed. I hadn't realised he was so anxious.
Sometimes it's just too much for them isn't it?
I remember taking him to a shop so he could buy something for his bedroom at home, he chose a starfish. It seemed to help him understand we'd be going home xxx
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Post by corkwing on Apr 27, 2014 8:32:00 GMT
Hi, Sockthing -
One of the hardest things for me was how heartbreaking it was that our kids couldn't just enjoy so many great experiences like a holiday: there was so much layered on top for them.
Sending you big hugs and hoping that today will be much better.
Love,
Corkwing
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 27, 2014 9:14:32 GMT
I suppose we have had similar, we' ve had really super days out, but evenings and mornings have been so difficult. it's been planned for months, Simba has helped to decide what we were going to do, he knew exactly what was happening each door. we came back to the same flat as our first visit, brought his teds, DVDs , Nintendo. We have been away enough for him to know that we are going home together. As much as Simba loves all the new experiences a week is definitey our limit, couldn't imagine 2 weeks away. We are both ready to go home. Ive got a big birthday next year, we are saving to go back to The Gambia and I was hoping to extend the trip to 10 days, but really don't know if either of us could manage it.
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Post by sivier on Apr 27, 2014 10:03:15 GMT
Hi Sockthing - sounded very tricky yesterday, hope today is better.
We had this with AD when we once took her to a long weekend in Centreparcs. She was impossible to settle the first night and a bit hyper throughout - I have no doubt now that this was raised anxiety, but was very frustrated at the time (she was not quite 3 and up very early in the mornings so I REALLY needed her to sleep...).
I got her to do some drawing with me in the cabin, pictures of trees and squirrels and the lake to help her remember her holiday -saying to her maybe 'this one can go on your bedroom wall' and 'we'll put this picture on our fridge when we get back'. Of all the reassurances we tried, this seemed to help most in her understanding that we were going back home.
Poor Kipper, hope he - all of you - have a more relaxed day today. Hugs.
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Post by sockthing on Apr 27, 2014 15:37:41 GMT
Thanks for your encouragement and sympathy. He had bad dreams all night poor lad.
Anyway, better day so far, we scaled back our expectations and went back to the same beach he liked yesterday, where he has spent the morning being able to act like a little savage, and running wild without the stress of other people nearby. We took a packed lunch for him so he hasn't had to cope with the stress of a cafe and strange food.
It's about the third time we've been away with him, and we have managed fortnight holidays before now, but he does always worry about whether it's forever. We got caught off guard this time as we thought we had prepared him well, and he's been away before, but it seems there is a deep ingrained fear somewhere in his subconscious.
Yes Madrid, I do think it relates to some body-memory of being moved. Foster parents to us of course, but We moved house early in placement which shook him terribly and I wonder if there is some echo of that somewhere.
I have to to say, it's days like yesterday when I feel very much like I really am parenting a child with "additional needs" or a hidden disability.
Thanks for understanding.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2014 15:47:16 GMT
Glad today is better for you sockthing.
I've not had this with my DD's personally, but I have heard it from a lot of parents of adopted children who are fearful of new places. Some of these parents go back to the same holiday resort or hotel/house every year as it makes it less threatening for their children if it is a familiar place. Not always doable as you don't always want to have to go to the same place everytime but it might help Kippers anxieties if he's been there and come home from there before?
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Post by moo on Apr 27, 2014 17:45:18 GMT
Hugs sockthing {{{}}} sorry you have had this ordeal....
I learnt early on its tuff sometimes to see the stress our 'treats' cause.... The distress seems to come from nowhere.... Love the idea of buying a gift for the bedroom at home.... Really good calming idea....
Hope things calm down soon ....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Apr 27, 2014 20:15:08 GMT
We used to take a family books on holiday when ours were little, and talk about when we're going home. This definitely helped ours.
I also remember someone from other boards a long time ago talking aobut how her child like to have car keys under their pillow so they couldn't drive away without them.
Hope tomorrow is a better day.
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Post by mudlark on Apr 27, 2014 21:26:38 GMT
big hugs....I get it...lapwing can be like this on a long car journey or even after being somewhere for a few hours and then leaving..memories about leaving and going and new places and uncertainty....its easy to forget how much they fear and dread the sence of change and having to leave....
I also sympathise with how frustrating it all is when you have no idea what is triggering behaviour and nothing seems to calm it down... the ups and downs are draining...hidden disability is a good phrase... cos it is....not just hidden .. but sort of denied or down played by many
xxx like the fact you had some good memories too though!
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Post by sockthing on Apr 28, 2014 18:18:56 GMT
Thank you all. We are home again now and I have to say I have rarely felt so exhausted!! Once Kipper adjusted we did have a very nice day yesterday but 3 nights away is definitely not long enough when your child takes 2 nights to settle down and stop stressing. There's been some challenging behaviour throughout (in fact can hear it continuing upstairs as I type) and a 3 hour journey. Kipper slept for a whole hour in the car at 2 pm so we are likely going to have a tough evening too. Our main summer holiday this year is booked for where we went last year, same accommodation etc, so hopefully it will be a bit easier, but I will be a bit more mentally prepared myself too, I hope, and scale back our expectationss and plans for the first few days. I thought holidays were supposed to be a break/rest?  Have come back to a very carp and annoying letter from the paediatrician too. |
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Post by cowgirl on Apr 28, 2014 18:43:53 GMT
Hugs sockthing
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Post by monkey on Apr 28, 2014 19:53:25 GMT
Sending you a big hug.
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Post by donatella on May 1, 2014 10:14:04 GMT
Even now with our middly we tend to do the same things over and over. When we go to London we stay in the same hotel outside city centre, when we do short breaks we go to bluestone, and for our summer holiday were going back to cyprus - same very small group of villas, although a different one this time. He always takes his cuddlies whenever we go away, on day trips they come with us. We go through it all with him beforehand on the iPad so he sees where we're going, where we're staying, how were getting there and when were coming home! It has got easier but it does mean that we do familiar things. Our holiday villa is fairly isolated, own pool, private beach so that he doesn't have to do strangers! And we've changed our expectations - we know the first day or so may be wobbly so we don't plan too much. Mind you it takes dh a few days to get his head round the idea that he has to get off his rear and help!
It's time. And preparation but allowing for the fact that you can't always prep everything and sometimes it will go a little pear shaped.
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Post by damson on May 2, 2014 15:57:13 GMT
Just reminds me of the ASC seminar I attended where the speaker explained that 'Sameness is the spice of life'
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