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Post by mudlark on Apr 22, 2014 21:35:13 GMT
It's finally arrived tomorrow is Lapwings first day at big school.....we've talked about it, been in for afternoons where I have stayed...now after the easter hols she will go tomorrow morning. Oh dear she is so anxious, so fearful...hiding it by being as she calls it ' rough and tough' or crawling into my lap and pretending to be a baby...or hitting her brother... or biting me..or just sobbing in my arms. She's bright , she likes learning, she could have been a happy and cheerful little girl who might have loved school....instead she is a messed up traumatised little mite who doesn't know if she's 5 months old or fifteen....whether she loves me or hates me ...but she does know I am the only person she's got right now and she clings to me like a drowning kitten.
The school think it will be fine, that I am over worrying. Hmmmmmm I fear little Lapwing may find it all too much. It's all so very worrying. Not to forget Peewit, he too is worried that his sister will no longer be at pre school. I am about to be a mum at a school gate and I am dreading it...I feel like it's all wrong to be sending Lapwing.... but I suppose I just need to wait and see what happens....... |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 21:45:10 GMT
Oh dear you sound in a worse state than Lapwing, Mudlark.
Take a deep breath, she may surprise you. If she has been going there part time, she might be ok and may not even notice the additional hours.
I know it's hard letting them go, but try and not let her pick up on your anxiety. Try and do the cheerful, isn't it exciting Mummy act and you can fall apart once she is through the door. She will probably be fine, it's you I'm worried about.
Give yourself something nice to do to take your mind off it and they have your number should they need you.
Let us know how it goes - Good luck and try and get some sleep.
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Post by mudlark on Apr 22, 2014 21:55:36 GMT
She hasn't been going part time, only 3 afternoons as a taster session when I was there all the time. She's going from a tiny pre school to a huge free flow 60 pupils classroom with lots of 'free play'. I am anxious because I feel quite strongly that for this little girl who has lived in so many different homes with so many different carers that she may just find it all to much... I hope I am wrong. I hope she does suprise me..she often does...i'll let you know...
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Post by moo on Apr 23, 2014 5:28:39 GMT
Thinking of you & lapwing today....
Hope she surprises you & that school settle her well... Hugs mummy hang in..... {{}}
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by sockthing on Apr 23, 2014 5:59:29 GMT
Yes, thinking of you both.lots of luck and hope it's better than feared. Totally understand your worries. ((((Hug))))
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Post by sivier on Apr 23, 2014 11:36:12 GMT
Huge empathy with you mudlark and really hope it's going okay for Lapwing.
She may well hold it all together at school but fall apart a bit when she gets home. Even though I was prepared i could not have imagined how exhausted and emotionally wrung out AD was when she got home after going full time in October. She loves school in fact, but it takes it out of her and play dates etc after school were a complete no no. They are still few and far between - there's nothing left in the tank with her after 3pm. I let the teachers know about some of the behaviours at home as they were seeing something quite different in class.
The school sounds very slightly dismissive of your worries (or perhaps they are just in automatic reassurance mode?) - but really push for adjustments to the timetable if Lapwing is struggling, say, doing a half day on a Wednesday. An afternoon at home with you midweek could really help her. Such a huge amount for them to cope with, for most children actually, never mind those with additional anxieties and challenges.
Sending mahoosive hugs.
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Post by mudlark on Apr 23, 2014 17:41:26 GMT
She did surprise me... no tears, no clinging, no manufactured arguments, no defiance, in fact pretty much nothing at all!
We went into school this morning and several little girls recognised her from her taster afternoons last term, they ran up to her and she was seemingly happy ...no not happy just sort of blank but following them around. I went to say bye to her and she barely looked at me. I left,no phone calls from the school all day .. picked her up she was first in the queue to run to me looking strangely flushed. Teacher said she has no worrries at all about her today.
She has been withdrawn at home so far, perked up at tea time and now Mr Mudlark has taken them to the park.
I am not sure what to think, our therapist would say she was in survival mode at school and that it can not last. Thank you all for your thoughts..it helps to know there others who know what I am talking about.. I wait tomorrow with interest.
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Post by moo on Apr 23, 2014 18:13:35 GMT
Well Done....
Just keep watching & weighing up mood & sleeping patterns....
Try not to hold your breathe?!?!? It is a time for watchfulness.... Good Luck....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by mayan on Apr 23, 2014 18:46:47 GMT
Good to hear your LO got through her first day ok but expect from what you have written she will find all the stimulation emotionally and physically draining especially after a few full weeks so perhaps build some quiet massage times in if you can - a good time for gentle chats etc - think you will be both deserving some nice treats to get you through this naturally stressful time. It is really hard when you know that your LO has to work that much harder to hold all her stuff together and try and learn in such a busy environment but she will be returning to your safe haven which will recharge her little batteries. Thinking of you - I know it was probably the longest of days today for you both and no doubt peewit will miss her too and need to adjust to the new routines. I remember just how little and lost amongst all the hubbub my dd was and how exhausted she was
- she'd come home get changed and have a 20 min nap or so before coming down for a snack which helped.
Hope the coming days are less worrisome and she settles in well
Mx
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Post by sockthing on Apr 23, 2014 19:07:09 GMT
Glad she (and you) got through the day. I recognise what you describe from how Kipper is at nursery...I recognise it as survival, he goes into a sort of lock down on emotion and shoulders up to tough it out. He seems fine on a superficial level to the staff because he is not crying, clinging, and doesn't even rush to me when I pick him up, but when I pick him up i see his shoulders sigh and drop with relief. I mention this because I found when he was like this at nursery I got some very difficult angry and rejecting behaviour at home, so just be prepared....but it has begun to pass . I find now he is more clingy when I leave him, and less rejecting at home - altogether more normal and healthy I would imagine.
So I think in my waffle way I am tryjng to say trust your instincts , you know her best, and you're probably right that she's operating in survival mode. Brace yourself but take heart, you'll weather this, she has got a fantastic mum behind her who is very in tune and sensible!
Sorry for the waffle post but hope it continues to go "well".
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Post by sivier on Apr 23, 2014 20:03:42 GMT
Well done getting through (both you and lapwing!), and good luck with tomorrow.
Also, after a couple more days it might be useful to ask the teacher about how she's been (pressing for a little more detail than just that they have no worries). Is she engaging with other children and activities in the classroom? eating her lunch? playing at break times/outdoor time, or keeping her distance..? Looking around her a lot? It might help you build up the picture of how she's doing. I would give a thousand zillion pounds to be a fly on the wall in my daughter's classroom and playground for a day!
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Post by mudlark on Apr 29, 2014 20:56:58 GMT
yes I think I need to do that sivier!
she stole some stuff on day two, but shared the loot with me and peewit...she agreed I could take it back.
we are doing 2 days home schooling and 3 days at school...today on one of her home schooling days she said in one of her many voices...'I don't understand a word my teacher (Mrs Lovely) is saying..wat is she sayin , wat is it about....'
and then...."mummy am I the cleverest girl you have ever known"
we have a PEP in a weeks time ( personal education plan)...has anyone else had this...what should I push for? mudlark
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