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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 22, 2014 5:35:38 GMT
Following on from the other thread I was wondering what people thought about this in general I realise it's a lot to do with individual circumstances...
My oldest lo had another little foster child in placement with her in FC for about 14 months, they were both little so they shared a room, bathed, ate, did everything together, there was a year between them, but he was developmentally delayed so they were a bit like twins.. Howler was placed with them at birth, but was only there for 3 months as a newborn before squirrel came to us...
We had monthly contact with FF where squirrel was completely indifferent to seeing howler, a bit confused about seeing FC, but overjoyed to see foster brother.,, they had an obvious love for each other and much later when he moved on we sent a little photo album with lots of pics/ memories/ our contact details, but never heard from them.
FC and sw all recommended they keep some level of contact between them but ap decided against it and they never saw each other again.
We never considered adopting little boy so would never have been a threat to new adoptive parents ... Made me a bit sad on the two Lo's behalfs
Our son who had a different FC and gets a lot out of seeing his FCs older children who dote on him
I know there us so much to think about with placement and BF contact... But this seems to be an area that is overlooked
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Post by pingu on Apr 22, 2014 14:15:59 GMT
I suppose the though is that as they are not related by blood, it won't bother the child later , from an identity point of view.
Also for SW's it's complicated enough keeping birth sibling links going, it's not in the remit to facilitate links between kids who shared a foster home for a while.
Yet I can understand why it feels sad.
Maybe discuss it with SW and see what they think?
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flora
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Post by flora on Apr 22, 2014 17:27:50 GMT
We've kept in touch with my AS's foster sister.
She is 3 years older and the foster carer's have special guardianship of her. My AS was 23-months at placement and had been in the same foster home since birth and they were very close and it is the nearest he has to a sibling and I really wanted to maintain the relationship.
We now see every couple of months and although it is also lovely to see his foster parents, it is mainly for the two children to play together. I think that maintaining that relationship has been really helpful and they are still very close - and my AS will often ask about her.
I think it has helped to provide a continuity to his life and helps to confirm that important people in his life don't suddenly disappear. We're now just over a year into placement and things couldn't be going better, so I'm hoping this has all been the right thing to do
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 17:41:16 GMT
As Pingu said I think it is hard enough maintaining contact between adopted siblings placed seperately, let alone non related contact with fosterlings.
Also if adopted elsewhere you then have to rely on the new parents agreeing to continue this contact and that is difficult too as often they do not live nearby and they consider it too much hassle to stay in touch.
Also if youthink back how many non related friends can you remember from when you were two? Probably none, so I don't really see the point in trying to maintain contact to be honest, seems more hassle than it's worth as friendships change at that age anyway.
We did want contact with my DD's younger brother adopted elsewhere, as he was a full sibling, but his new mum decided not to stay in touch once he was legally hers, which is sad as he was BM's last child and he is now growing up alone as a single child, not knowing about his two sisters who are so close in age to him.
I have written a letter to him which has been put in his file so that when he is older, he can contact us if he wants to, as we would love to met him if and when he wants to. I don't think his adoptive mum should have made that decision for him, but there is nothing I can do about it. I gave her all my details, but have none of hers, apart from her first name.
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Post by gilreth on Apr 22, 2014 22:58:35 GMT
We still see Sqk's older foster sibs when we meet up with FC as he & I did today. The boy he was placed with in FC (always took 2 babies at once) we cannot have contact with as there is a security risk for other parts of family. We have a very complicated set of things going on. Only going to have LB with Sqk's birth sibs as their SW feels one-off direct contact that was proposed would not be good for them. Going to be hard writing letters every 6 months to 2 children I have never met.
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Post by ceci on Apr 23, 2014 20:29:51 GMT
We continued to see my daughter's foster sibling while she remained with my daughter's foster carer, and then a few times over the years when she moved to a long term foster placement. My daughter talked a lot about her at the time and we felt it would be useful for them to get together every now and again. She eventually stopped asking to see her and so it's been a few years now, although the door is open if we want to meet up. I think it was useful in helping my daughter think through her early years. She's been very resistant to going back to see her foster carers (which I think she should), or even talking about them, but she talks openly about her time there in relation to her foster sibling.
It will be different for every child I imagine.
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flora
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Post by flora on Apr 24, 2014 7:16:54 GMT
That is good to know tokoloshe, I feel quite strongly that seeing the foster parents and foster family fairly quickly after placement has been really helpful. AS was only 23-months at placement and would likely have had no conscious memory if we had not maintained regular contact - however, I think he would have experienced a much bigger sense of loss. We still talk about them a lot and meet every few months - and they've come along to important events like his post adoption ceremony party and birthday. He will now refer to his foster sister as best friend, and has made relationships with his new cousins that are now equally as important to him. However, this has been a more gradual process.
I think this does rely on the quality of the foster family - our foster parents were very experienced and supportive and just wanted the best for AS - and I think this helped him understand that he was safe living with us and they approved of our care
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