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Post by ladybug on Nov 26, 2014 22:35:39 GMT
Looking like we may be back to square one again!! Been told today that the grandparents assessment was positive! To say i am confused is a bit of an understatement. And to top it off have been told that come February we'll have to go back to approval panel as approval only lasts 12 months. Meeting with SW tomorrow so hopefully will get some answers!!
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Post by giggles on Nov 26, 2014 22:52:10 GMT
Oh Ladybug. Words fail me. I hope your SW is able to clarify things tomorrow.
Re the panel thing. We also had to do this, but it was just a meeting with another SW to review our situation, what our criteria was etc to see if there's anything we could change. We didn't have to go back to panel at all, so hopefully that part of the system hasn't changed and you won't have to either.
We also spent our first year post approval waiting for and moving on from potential links so it's not like you've got unrealistic expectations for a match.
All the best for tomorrow. Keep us posted.
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Post by knight on Nov 26, 2014 22:56:27 GMT
Oh no Ladybug ~ I was just thinking about you earlier too. If things are not positive at the half-way point, it's often too much for them to turn things around but it's obviously sounding like they might have done. No wonder you're confused with what you've been told so far which sounded poles apart. This is so hard.
As to going back to Panel, I've wondered about that as I won't be far behind you (!!!) but I'm sure I read on one of these boards that we don't go back to Panel as such, they just have a review/discussion meeting in the office, liaise with you before that re: any changes, query widening matching criteria/leave it as it is ~ well, at least I hope I read that right, don't fancy going back to Panel. x
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Post by giggles on Nov 26, 2014 22:59:50 GMT
We crossed posts Knight. That was certainly our experience when we passed through the year mark...
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Post by leo on Nov 26, 2014 23:55:24 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear that Ladybug, you have certainly been through the mill with all the delays and raised expectations.
Is it a new thing for children not to have placement orders already? I don't think I came across any children in this position when I adopted - and it seems such a potential minefield.
Hoping you get some clarity soon.
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Post by ladybug on Nov 27, 2014 7:25:51 GMT
Leo it seems to be. Obviously from our point of view it would be better if the children already have the PO but then the match is likely to be competitive. These LOs case sounds complicated which we were not told from the outset but who omitted to tell us this I don't know. Lack of communication and half truths being told I feel but hopefully we'll have some answers today and see where we go from here.
X x x
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Post by lovelybee on Nov 27, 2014 8:39:28 GMT
I am so sorry Ladybug. Hope you get some answers today. Thinking of you.
Lots of love
LB x
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Post by flutterby on Nov 27, 2014 9:44:48 GMT
So sorry to hear, Ladybug. Thinking of you xxx
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Post by gilreth on Nov 27, 2014 13:33:47 GMT
So sorry Ladybug. Huge (((hugs))) and thinking of you.
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Post by ladybug on Nov 27, 2014 14:38:18 GMT
Thank you ladies. Trains are playing up too so SW may be upto an hour late!
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by vickyvixen on Nov 27, 2014 15:40:39 GMT
Oh no - I hope you do get some answers. NIghtmare.
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Post by knight on Nov 27, 2014 18:53:02 GMT
Hi Ladybug: did the SW make it? Do you feel you have any more detailed answers? Just thinking of you x
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Post by ladybug on Nov 27, 2014 20:00:55 GMT
SW made it but was an hour late.
She thinks that after the judge insisting on the GP being assessed 3 times since August that all the judge wanted was a positive assessment as she is very pro birth families! The judge had asked that SS look at how the GP would fair if they were given the same support that we would've been given if the children had've been placed with us, hence their positive assessment!! SW said the FC doesn't like BM or GP and that Dino doesn't like them and has expressed that he doesn't want to live with them on several occasions but being only 4 his feelings aren't taken into account!!
On the plus side we are going to an exchange event Wednesday evening within the consortium so maybe we will find some potential matches there. SW is going to revisit some potentials we previously looked at. She is also putting us in touch with a lady on the post adoption team to speak about loss and grief and buddy us up with adopters that have also been through a tough matching process and now have children placed with them.
We spoke about the re approval which she thinks that we will not have to attend as everything is the same as the previous approval although she will have to explain the reasons we haven't been matched, being in house for 3 months then with one potential match for 4 months and another for 5 months.
We did find out that the first potential match we were given way back in February (Romainian LO) finally had PO granted and from the sound of things has been placed!!
SW advised that we go on all of the workshops and courses that we can to try and put us out there ahead of other adopters, she already thinks that we are very strong and can cope with most things but maybe just need an extra edge so we stand out even more!
In the 4 years that she has been on the adoption team she said that she has not experienced the uncertainty with getting PO granted like it has been in the last year and having so many adopters but the lack of children, not that there are any less in care!
Trying to draw on the positives and not focus too much on the disappointment although I know we still need to grieve for the loss of these LOs!
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Post by lovelybee on Nov 27, 2014 22:05:05 GMT
I am glad you got some answers but I know that doesn't make your loss any easier. Make sure you take time to grieve.
Thinking of you
LB x
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Post by knight on Nov 27, 2014 23:41:29 GMT
Oh that is hard, really hard and as you say, allow yourself the time to grieve. It's hard not to feel as though it might not happen when you're back to square one, which as you know is where I'm at after Precious ~ but we're not the first to have gone through it, won't be the last and we will be parents...hopefully attending upcoming events will result in a link, everything crossed for you: hugs to you & DH x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2014 8:35:53 GMT
So so hard Ladybug, I really feel for you. Xx
But in a weird way, all of this will work in your favour, it will show SS how strong you are, how resilient you are and how committed you are to offering a child an permanent home when others would have given up by now. You have staying power and SS will be noticing this and it will stand you in great stead when you finally bring your children home.
No one said it would be easy, but I think you have been amazingly resilient under awfully hard circumstances. Be kind to yourself, have a good cry and let it out, your children are there waiting for you, you just haven't met them yet, but you will do and soon xx
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Post by flutterby on Nov 28, 2014 10:59:08 GMT
Ladybug, so sorry to hear about the latest turn of events. Just not fair, does not describe it. You will get there in the end. We also had 3 failed links, it is so exhausting and demoralizing. Sending lots of hugs xxx
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Post by moo on Nov 29, 2014 7:48:51 GMT
Oohh ladybug words simply fail me..... Slow to this sorry.... Secretly hoping the Judge suddenly sees sense.... Bonkers or what.... Your SS team had better sort something fast this is so unfair out of the ordinary totally unreasonable stuff & nonsense. Xxxx
Many Many xxx hugs {{{}}}... Take your time pamper yourselves xxx you really do need to grieve....
Good on luck at the consortium exchange..... ( your SS will so not want to explain at re-approval why they have failed you so spectacularly!.) They really will pull out all the stops now to find you a link ( ar$e covering I am sad to say ) hang in you have proved yourselves the very best of survivors xxx
xx. moo. Xxxxxxxxx
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Post by ladybug on Nov 30, 2014 8:09:54 GMT
Thank you ladies as always! I knew this was never going to be easy but my word I didn't expect it to be this difficult either. Like JMK says in a weird way this probably is a good thing and they can see how strong and resilient we are which in turn should stand us in good stead for later on! Definitely come too far and been through too much to give up now.
Thank you for your support.
x x x Ladybug x x x
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Post by scaredycats on Nov 30, 2014 20:44:44 GMT
Thinking of you LB. Don't know what to say but hang on in there. Sending hugs
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Post by ladybug on Dec 4, 2014 0:01:49 GMT
Well we attended the consortium exchange and as we already knew hardly any children between 5 LAs that attended and none that really met our matching requirements However SW had found several profiles for us to look at and also a CPR for a 7 month old who unfortunately again doesn't have a PO but she thinks this could be a great match for us (assuming PO is granted). This is the first of our potential links that SW has had a good feeling about. They are very eager to match us quickly after our journey not being as easy as it could've been. We are the only ones being giving the CPR and no one else will be considered until we say no. Final hearing is mid Jan so not too long to wait either, we can hold on until then as not much will happen now coming up to Christmas and if the case does get adjourned as the previous we can then look elsewhere!! Didn't ever dare hope for a littley! Going to keep this one to ourselves I think because not sure how much more we can take of our parents moaning about the wait etc... I know they mean well but they want to try being in our shoes!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2014 7:14:48 GMT
Oh wow that is a littley. So glad you have something to hang onto and not too long a wait til mid january.
Hope 2015 brings you the family you so deserve.
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Post by vickyvixen on Dec 4, 2014 15:20:40 GMT
I hope it all works out - everything crossed for you.
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Post by knight on Dec 4, 2014 18:55:56 GMT
Oh that sounds exciting; I know you'll be cautious after the last events but as you say, you shouldn't be waiting as long for PO as the last case, fingers and toes well and truly crossed x
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Post by leo on Dec 4, 2014 21:42:44 GMT
Glad you have some positive news on the horizon.
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Post by ladybug on Dec 4, 2014 21:47:03 GMT
Will have to re jig the bedroom as it is ready and set for two toddlers but we have a cot also so will mean dismantling one or both junior beds and having just the cot in the room if we get to a selection visit.
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Post by lovelybee on Dec 4, 2014 21:50:03 GMT
Exciting news about potential link!
After 2 links that fell through we were told about Littlebee when she was 7 months old. It all initially felt too soon to hear about another little one as I was still grieving for the children who I had seen as my children. I am so glad we decided to find out more. Littlebee's placement order was granted a month later and she came home at just under 11 months old.
I really hope there are no surprises in the CPR and you are meant to be this little ones parents.
Let us know how you get on!
LB x
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Post by ladybug on Dec 4, 2014 22:14:06 GMT
No surprises in the CPR And SW is happy with it also. So that all looks good just have a few weeks to wait to see if PO is granted.
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Post by flutterby on Dec 5, 2014 10:08:30 GMT
I really, really hope it is all going to work out for you this time around! xxx
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Post by esty (archive) on Dec 5, 2014 19:11:09 GMT
Fingers crossed for you.
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