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Upset
Apr 10, 2014 16:57:16 GMT
Post by swimchic on Apr 10, 2014 16:57:16 GMT
So today Pink and I went to visit my parents. They have always been very supportive about adoption , especially as they adopted me. Plus they clearly love Pink and they have a lovely relationship.
My Dad has a new Ipad and is still getting use to it. Anyway, without asking me , he whips it out and without asking my permission he starts taking photos of Pink.
I asked him not too, as he does it a lot. And he went into a fury of semi rage..
He reduced me to tears and thinks now that we have the AO its ok to take photos. I tried to explain, that due to Pinks complicated background it isn't and it never will be. Plus, I'm sick of him getting the camera out all the time and taking photos of her. She isn't a performing monkey!!
I then explained that pictures on an Ipad can easily be put on social media which we do not authorise...He then went to his camera and then said that "I never take photos of Pink" and had to push the point .He just wouldn't let it go, despite me explaining.
I am trying to protect my daughter. I know her bf are on social media sites and therefore I refuse to let photos of her go on line. My Dad is still learning to use his Ipad and has been known to make mistakes on it, like we all do when we get a new electronic toy! But I am more upset that he just presumed that he thought he was in the right and completely disrespected me.
I have been left to feel really bad about myself, that my family don't respect my wishes or understand adoption in this day and age.
Swimchic
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Upset
Apr 10, 2014 17:56:06 GMT
Post by donatella on Apr 10, 2014 17:56:06 GMT
Ultimately your child so you have the final say but tbh I'm not sure it's something worth falling out with supportive parents/clearly very proud grandparents over. I can see both and can understand why your father was upset.
I share pictures of all of mine on fb. My security settings are high and I have lots of adopter friends who also share pictures of their children. They're my kids and I refuse to hide them - I'm very proud of them and I'm happy for friends and family to see and hear about them. But, equally, there are certain family members (the sil) who aren't allowed to put pictures of my kids on their pages - basically because she has thousands of friends and is a bit dippy.
Obviously your kids, your choice but I can't imagine there's no compromise to be made? He's a grandad who wanted a picture of his much loved granddaughter.
You say they're supportive, sometimes we have to bite our tongues in order to keep that support!
Hope you can resolve it amicably.
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Post by moo on Apr 10, 2014 18:10:48 GMT
Awe poor you... We too have very serious security issues & I too go all panic stricken just at the thought of photos....
Sadly I think it is very very hard for others ( even the most supportive ) to totally 'get' how insecure & terrified it makes us feel...
I wish I could be more like Donatella coz I just know I will never be relaxed about photos anywhere connected with the www.... I consider it the scariest of places ever... Never under any circumstances to be trusted....
But I think your dad is just really really proud & hoping that the bad stuff has gone away.... I hope when the dust settles you will be able to tell him how scary & forever watchful you are going to have to be.... I hope he will understand..... You deserve for him to be better aware & not so trusting.... Good Luck I would hate for you to fall out over it....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Upset
Apr 10, 2014 18:47:12 GMT
via mobile
Post by donatella on Apr 10, 2014 18:47:12 GMT
I do understand and I was very careful for a lot of years but mine are older now and have been home for 12, 9 and 7 plus years and they're mine! And whilst I'm still careful I'm not going to hide my kids. I've explained the risks to my boys so they're very aware. We're careful about photos in the press etc but now I balance the risks.
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Upset
Apr 10, 2014 18:59:25 GMT
moo likes this
Post by swimchic on Apr 10, 2014 18:59:25 GMT
Pink only came home last summer and hasn't changed much. She had contact with her bf until she came home, so they know what she looks like.. On top of that BM has gone awol and siblings aren't so far from us...Hence the concern.
My Dad and I haven't fallen out and everything was sorted before we came home, however I have been left feeling very upset. I'll be ok, I just need some space from him for a little while.
Swimchic
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Post by justbserene11 on Apr 10, 2014 19:12:59 GMT
Tricky! I have found that family more than friends have been difficult over decisions that DH and I have made. I found that trying to explain things to my family just did not work, as they had a certain idea and that was that so to speak. Your father obviously is being a proud grandfather and wants to capture images of pink to show off. Just a suggestion (so please ignore if it is not suitable), you could suggest to your dad that you will print off images once a month for them to keep (I initially thought email pics, but then remembered what you said about your dad not being tech savvy).
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Post by mudlark on Apr 10, 2014 19:48:03 GMT
Hi Swimchic Just wanted to sympathise, not the same issues, but I totally understand how upsetting it is to feel your family are just not fully supporting you and your child by not understanding the issues. I have had to bite my tongue most of the time with some family members or run the risk of falling out. I think the other thing that happens when you adopt, your relationships with your can family change quite dramatically and often this is a shock to everyone and can take time to settle down, as family members have to learn, and you need to help them learn, that the new you has some very different priorities and issues. Often it seeme 'we' have to be the bigger person. xx
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Post by swimchic on Apr 10, 2014 19:54:42 GMT
You are so right Mudlark!
Before Pink we went to every family do as it was expected that we would be there. Now we are having to say no.. Prime example, a family member ( who I'm not close to) has a significant birthday coming up at Easter. Their Mum has invited us all over for a small party and I really don't want to go, plus Pink will be bored.
Anyway,it is expected that we will be there despite having a bouncy 4 year old and us going away for a mini break and getting home the evening before. Again the pressure has been on us to be there. So I have said we will be there but only for a short time!
Grrr...
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Upset
Apr 10, 2014 20:06:41 GMT
via mobile
Post by chotimonkey on Apr 10, 2014 20:06:41 GMT
Oh swim chic, poor you, not feeling understood by your father must be so frustrating... Are you worried that he will deliberately or inadvertently upload the pics? I have always had pics on my phone and laptop and have always let family take pics as long as they only share through secure avenues... I' have set up a secret fb group that only family members have access to and that's the only place on fb hey can port pics of our monkeys.. But we also share in private whatsaop chats etc... Setting up dh and my parents with one main way of sharing seems to work well and gives them the chance to cluck and be proud grandparents with each other... Might giving them one place work or dies that still put your lo at too much risk, I know some of us need to be more careful than others Hope you work things out with your dad it sounds like he has been supportive in many other ways
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Upset
Apr 15, 2014 12:51:29 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 12:51:29 GMT
Why not get him one of those proud granddad photo albums and print off loads of photo's of pink for him so that he can show her off to his mates. Heesounds like a really proud granddad who wants to show her off which is lovely, and at least hard copies aresafer.
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