sad and angry

I think that if indeed the case is that this woman has decided that she doesn't want to know you because of your circumstances, then she wouldn't really be someone you'd like to know anyway, right? You could look on it that it's better to know now rather than have struck up a friendship and then discovered her true nature.

Maybe if you could turn it around as you not wanting to know her or wanting your children around someone so ignorant it might help your feelings. It's her issue, not yours. Surround yourself with supportive and caring people and accept she has a long journey ahead of her to truly embrace Christian values.

Of course it may not have anything to do with your children being looked after, in which case she may just have other issues, which again are her issues, not yours.

I think the reason it's so hurtful though is because we want our beautiful children to have friends and be accepted wholeheartedly into the community by caring people, you just have to know your audience.

Sending hugs xx

     So sad for you.... Can really feel your upset for lapwing....

Please make certain that school have been gossiping & that it is just not something that has happened in school to make the other child jealous or indifferent to lapwing.... ( other kids can sometimes be unkind to our wonderful children for who knows what reasons )

But if school have been gossiping I would threaten all sorts!!! Deffo a letter to the chair of board of governors to complain... Even if you have not forbidden certain staff to know about it ( on a need to know only basis ) it is still NOT ever for general consumption.... I think if you reported it to SS for example they would insist on a black mark for non confidentiality be placed on heads report this is serious.... You could even write a letter to ofsted about it.... Now that will be the thing that hurts the school most....

Meantime hugs for you & lapwing.... Such sad feelings for you all.....

As sooz says she really isn't someone you would like as a friend really ( after this anyway )...

Hang in xxx





xx.                                         moo.                                        Xx

Let it go, let them gossip. It is sad but this will often only get worse when the children get older and their problems more obvious. I have 2 at home with no friends, and do you know what I get annoyed with?

There is a village 12km away from where we live, my oldest was in school there until the school closed down and everyone went  to one even further away. Now my oldest loves to cycle those 12 km alone and will call at houses of children who are in his class, even teachers. Sometimes they call me to ask or it is alright he is so far away, but nobody ever has offered him a drink! Even in the summer when it is warm, not even a glass of water, they know him 5 years, their children are in his class, I think that is not nice.

I know some people might not be comfortable interacting with him, he just says his own autistic things, but he is never agressive, always friendly towards others, etc.
Has it to do with his autism? The adoption? I have no idea, all I know is that my youngest gets bullied in the bus, he is the only dark child. Is it discrimination? His weird behaviours? His poor social skills?


I have no idea, can not answer the question, those children have often poor social skills, they are the ducks in the pack of chickens. There is something 'weird' with those children and others 'sniff' that out, it is the neglect they suffered what makes life so difficult for them.. It lead to exclusion in many cases.

My youngest would also be very happy with  a new 'friend', but than he is too much in their face and hated after some time. Maybe your girl is too enthousiastic and overwhelming/posessive towards the other girl. Very innocent but it is too much for the new 'friend', poor social skills, not knowing when to back off. 

Try to ignore and give your child positive experiences in something they can succeed in.

It's rotten when this happens.
I'd agree that it's a good idea to not assume too much when you talk to the school, but do bring it up (I thought cowgirls idea on how you might phrase this was really helpful).

It does occasionally happen that people 'drop' you once they know your child is adopted. Most people I've told have been great - supportive and discreet. But one woman, who had been very friendly and very into our burgeoning friendship, just went cold when she found out about AD. Polite, 'smiley', but clearly but no longer interested. I was quite upset but then thought 'your loss, sunshine' (actually my wording may have been a little stronger than that...)

Dear Lapwing, l was very sad when my AD just didn't make friends at school. I kept hoping things would work. I kept inviting other children round. l cultivated possible connections, ran parties, helped on school trips. I tried sleepovers. Where I liked the parents, I was sad when the kids didn't gel.

Underneath, there was the basic reality of attachment problems and effectively delayed emotional development.
My AD has friends now, but it has been a long and painful path.
It's particularly hard when the child lives nearby. This was one of the hardest things for me on Planet Adoption.
Hang on in there. Invite children round, but one at a time, and do things together. Don't hope they will play nicely together without you. Keep it short and pleasant, and pass child back to parent promptly.

Here's hoping a nice little girl will appear soon. D

Happy Birthday to Lapwing!

I feel for you Mudlark.

I have the same; my boys have no friends either.

We have a teaddy bears picnic instead and they love that - especially as I take my teddy bear too!

Hope you have a lovely day.