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Post by monkey on Apr 1, 2014 20:37:43 GMT
I cancelled a therapy session today because I didn't feel emotionally up to spending an hour in a room with a psychologist being battered by LO.
We've waited a long time for this therapy and I know its very expensive and others probably deserve it more.
I'm finding it very difficult spending any time with LO when DH isn't around. When she's not hurting or shrieking at me, she's hurting BD or the animals or doing things to provoke a reaction.
I've found out today that school are giving her a reward every 10 minutes if she doesn't hurt another child in that time. I'm wondering if she's holding it in to achieve the rewards and taking it out on us rather than spreading her behaviours across the course of the day.
No one else understands - why would a good mum not want to spend quality time with their child..........  |
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Post by flowerpower on Apr 1, 2014 20:51:19 GMT
MM don't feel guilty we are only human no way can we do the therapy stuff all the time. And if you were not in the right frame of mind the session would of been a wast of time for both of you. We alway find if LO is good at school she is very challenging at home take care. Xx
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Post by mudlark on Apr 1, 2014 21:13:08 GMT
yep I understand that...Lapwing is a little like this, and yes I have a special book called 'Lapwings gentle hands' where I give her a beautiful butterfly sticker if she hasn't hurt Peewit for the last hour...this at the advice of our therapist... it has been helpful...but it's still hard being here in the moment when she is just looking to create a toxic atmosphere....because of course for her that is familiar..she wants me to lose it..because that confirms her world view....and I agree once DH is home it becomes easier to handle....I have found a way to spend quality time with lapwing...we jump on a bus go into town I take her into clothes shops, book shops, and any shops they say lets go for a coffee....she loves it...here favourite bit is the bus! hugs ...its very hard.. x
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Post by damson on Apr 1, 2014 21:57:20 GMT
((((Monkey))))
I hope you get a chance to tell the therapist why you cancelled, as that is as revealing about matters as watching DD herself.
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Post by moo on Apr 2, 2014 4:27:25 GMT
Many many hugs to you monkey {{{{}}}}
Very brave decision to cancel.... As damson says it is all the more telling than actually having the session....
Please try & be kind to you.... More hugsxxx
xx. moo. Xx
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bigredbus
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 30 
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Post by bigredbus on Apr 2, 2014 5:47:09 GMT
Have done the same myself. Sometimes i just couldn't face appointments.
having a psychologist do the "poor dd - that must have been so hard for you" as you recount something that has happened in the week where they have flipped out... Is incredibly painful.
I know the child needs the empathy and understanding, but hearing them being consoled over THEIR feelings, while your feelings of hurt and pain are washed over is really really hard. I wanted at times to scream "what about me?"
somedays i can do the empathy and can hear it when the therapist does it. Other days, it just hurts too badly.
they say "take care of yourself" but no amount of wine / hot baths (if ever achieved) can make up for the hurt that you carry as a parent of a traumatised child.
don't feel guilty. Sometimes, self preservation has to come into play. Try and e-mail or phone and explain how YOU are feeling.
therapy seems to revolve around the child and everyone forgets that you are holding this pain 24/7. Don't let them forget you have needs and feelings too. You are a person too though that seems to be overlooked.
sending a big hug and hope you can stop beating yourself up over this.
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Post by corkwing on Apr 2, 2014 6:45:43 GMT
Hi, Monkey -
What my life coach did with me was to help me to change the way that I looked at things. If I did things like that I used to feel bad. She helped me to change that to "I'm sad". So instead of, "I'm bad because I cancelled the appointment", I'd be changing that to "I'm sad that I wasn't strong enough for the appointment".
It's helping me to retrain my conscience, which is pretty harsh on me, which has taken a whole pile of guilt off me.
All the best,
Corkwing
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Post by flutterby on Apr 2, 2014 7:29:55 GMT
Make sure you get some time out for you, you sound like you need it to re-charge your batteries. And I agree, tell the therapist, you need to be involved. They can use therapy on your LO as much as they like, if you and your needs get forgotten and trampled on, it is not going to work anyway. LOs need us to be strong and balanced, never mind cheerful and resilient. That will only happen, if we do not continuously get overstretched and burned out.
Thanks for posting this, such a great reminder for us all to do whatever it takes to ensure we are ok.
xxx
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Post by twoplustwo on Apr 2, 2014 19:27:10 GMT
Cancelling the appointment may well have been the wisest course. Chances are the way you felt would have transmitted itself to LO anyway.
I've taken part in therapy sessions with a child when I haven't felt like it (not brave enough to cancel) and it hasn't benefitted either of us. I had no desire to spend any quality time with that particular child at that time and wish I'd had the courage to postpone it.
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