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Post by homebird on Mar 20, 2014 8:56:19 GMT
I noticed that birth mum joined Facebook a couple of days ago and she is being suggested as a person I might want to add. Because she is "friends" with her son who is my daughters older brother and therefore a mutual friend we all got it on our news feed. As my daughter is only 13 I have blocked her from contacting her for the time being and have warned adoptive mum of the other siblings. Big sister (23 years old and not adopted) has told us all to block her but I won't because I want to keep an eye on her. I suppose we knew this would happen and I feel quite calm about it. I think I need to take control and talk to my daughter about it and although I trust my daughter, I don't trust birth mum as I know how manipulative she can be (she is my husbands sister so we know her very well although we keep a distance from her) and she is very clever at working on someones emotions and we have experience of how this can affect a child. Oh well, another learning curve........  |
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Post by twoplustwo on Mar 20, 2014 9:11:59 GMT
Another facebook problem withou a quick fix :-(
I've always hated that 'people you might want to add' feed - all it seems to do is encourage you to add friends of friends who aren't people you know personaly at all. Fine if you want to amass as many 'friends' as possible but just annoying if you don't. I hadn't even considered the security issues for adoptees. And if BM pops up on your feed presumably you will also be appearing on hers, along with other family members.
Facebook seems to have disabled the 'message with friend request' option so that will limit BMs ability to write a manipulative message but she could still send a pm and, because you have mutual friends, it will appear in your 'normal 'folder rather than the 'other' folder.
I did look for ways of disabling in options so that I wouldn't pop up as a 'person you might want to add' but couldn't do it. If anyone knows a way please let me know.
Also is it possible to block someone who you#ve had no contact with? Could you and your family just block BM - or would you have to 'friend' her first?
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Post by sooz on Mar 20, 2014 9:16:56 GMT
I've certainly blocked someone I've had no contact with, and has never been a 'friend'.
Think I just went to the block someone section and did it from there. That should solve the problem of them or you popping up n the suggested list.
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Post by homebird on Mar 20, 2014 17:46:54 GMT
Yes I blocked her on my daughters account and checked that she doesn't come up anywhere by searching for her name and looking on friends friends lists. She doesn't come up anywhere so hopefully I can delay that kind of contact for a while.
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Post by moo on Mar 21, 2014 6:44:03 GMT
Good save homebird......
hate hate hate F.B.
x. moo. Xx
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Post by justbserene11 on Mar 21, 2014 7:41:48 GMT
Poor you and also worrying. I can understand why you want to keep an eye on her. Is BM account public? I just ask because if it is you may want to set up alternative facebook account, so you could periodically check. Just an idea.
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Post by homebird on Mar 21, 2014 8:15:07 GMT
I think it is public - her photos definitely are. I haven't blocked her from myself yet. I want to see what she does and because the other adopted siblings made contact in secret with our daughter I want to be aware if they do it with birth mum. Hopefully their mum is checking more often now although when it came out that they'd contacted siblings they were fairly relaxed about it, but contact with birth mum will be quite different as I don't think we can trust her not to take it too far.
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