|
|
Post by larsti on Mar 19, 2014 15:22:33 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by larsti on Mar 21, 2014 13:34:14 GMT
There was something else I found on that website but when I went back to look I couldn't find it and found the above instead!
I'll see if I can find it!
|
|
|
|
Post by monkey on Mar 23, 2014 19:56:39 GMT
Gosh, lots of that rings so true here.
|
|
|
|
Post by peartree on Mar 26, 2014 7:38:07 GMT
Good read that
Think the points are definitely transferable to adoptive families.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 8:50:53 GMT
Very interesting read.
I've often wondered how FC's children feel about having to share their parents with unrelated children. I think I would have found this really hard and would have been quite resentful, if I was young.
I had assumed that most FC's only really foster when their BC are older, or able to understand eg teenagers and independant and able to look after themselves to some extent. I can't see how you could do it successfully if you had little ones, or foslings of a similar age, surely that would be very unsettling to your own BC, when the AK'S move on to their own families.
Think it is a little different if you have a BC and are adopting afterwards as the new child is permanent and not changing every few months/years. but yes there are some similarities about sharing Mum and Dad's time etc.
|
|
|
|
Post by twoplustwo on Mar 26, 2014 19:04:10 GMT
I was a single parent and I fostered from when my BD was 8 years old until she left home. I fostered up to two children on a short term basis and up to three in an emergency (very time limited) so I asked for her views on this - here is her response (I should warn you all that she can be rather outspoken): In general a birth child should be able to handle sharing their parent(s), especially as it's on a temporary basis. If you've done your job properly then your child shouldn't worry that they, who were born in the house, will be sent away based on the fact that a child you were caring for temporarily went back to their own parents or their new parents. The only way a child should feel like they're going to be sent away is if the parents don't explain the process properly to the children (ie that you're a temporary carer for the foster children but are still the parent of your own child). Having a sibling is good for children, it teaches them to share, to coexist, it's beneficial for child development to know that there are going to be people around that you have to share your life with a little bit sometimes or long times and, if your child struggles with that then, they need all the practise they can get otherwise they're going to make terrible, socially awkward adults. On the flip side, the only thing I remember ever being not happy about (and even then, not jealous and upset, because my mom handled it well) was the fact that you get money for foster children to buy them new clothes/beds/pushchairs/toys and you don't get money for your birth children for the same things. But I had lots of clothes and toys (and my mom tended to buy me something at the same time, and I understood that the money came from social services, not from Mom) and also having my own Mom there looking after me sort of made up for not having a collection of new things  I'll copy and paste this on the other thread as well. |
|
|
|
Post by twoplustwo on Mar 26, 2014 19:26:54 GMT
BD just sent me another email to copy and paste - sorry I'm putting these on both threads - I'm not sure where they belong as they are relevant to both.
Over to BD:
Well, for the most part, I thought it was great. You probably wisely only fostered kids younger than I was so I was always the older sister, there to help out and learn responsibility, rather than being the little kid, which I would have hated. The way you put it, if I recall, was that we'd be looking after children whose parents couldn't look after them at the moment, on a temporary basis, and that I'd get to play big sister. I always wanted a sibling anyway- I suspect most single children do (and children with siblings alternately love and hate them and don't need to wish for a sibling as they have one already) so I don't think it occured to be to be envious that I'd have to share my Mommy, and given that you and I were one unit without much outside interference if any child would be jealous of sharing a parent, you'd think I would have been. Perhaps kids with parents who work who already have limited time with their parents might feel differently, though.
The only real negative I would say, is the huge sadness when the ones you liked/raised/had for a long time go away. But at the same time, it's a crucial life lesson, loss, and cottoning your kids in an environment where they never experience it is going to screw them when they're adults... it's one of those things you have to go through.
|
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Jun 2, 2014 14:16:24 GMT
I have two adopted children ( no birth children) and we are considering fostering. I am wondering if they , particularly the yoinger boy might have any issues, though he wants us to do so. He came to us at nearly 7 so remembers his foster placements, and understands the difference from adoption, but i think it might be a good idea if i remind him, and reassure him. And perhaps remind him that some fostered kids go back to birth family, that might be more of an issue i think, though he doesnt miss his, it might draw his attention to the difference.
Note to admin, i know several adopters who are now fostering as well. Some of the issues overlap with those with birth children who then adopt, but not all. Wondered about forum for us, or a rename of this one to broaden it out. What do you think? Of course, when we adopted second child, a lot of the issues were similar, but not all too, and this forum was very relevant.
|
|
