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Post by flowerpower on Mar 19, 2014 11:42:57 GMT
Well for about 8 weeks now one of our AD's, age 6 year 1, has just been refusing to go into school, once in, she has a good day and no problem till we get to the door.
Usually the TA suggests she can do a special job ie take the register, do the menus, sharpen the pencils, but other kids need a turn at the tasks so that can not always happen, we have done lots of talking about it I have explained all the reasons why she must go in and she says she loves school and I am now thinking it has become a habit and she knows she will get to be in charge of a morning task. Her twin is getting upset by the way she is and then she wants to go home and I have to go to work just don't know what to do. I sort of feel she needs to break the habit but if she does have a problem in school I need to be able to help her with it any good suggestion please xxx
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school
Mar 19, 2014 15:19:52 GMT
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Post by chotimonkey on Mar 19, 2014 15:19:52 GMT
Could she be a moniter in school, just for a couple of weeks, with a specially manufactured job just for her... I know the other kids need their stuff, but if I was the classroom teacher And having a job got her through the door, then I would give her a permanent job she enjoyed...
Could there also be bribes/ treats choosing lunch boxes together, things you'll do together, could she go into class early so she is one of tge first ones and have a special toy/ book whatever that only lives at school so there is an incentive to go in...
Can your daughter identify what the fear is specifically, if she's quite happy about being there can you find out what it is that spooks her, is it leaving you? Her twin? Rtc
Is there a ta/ trusted adult in school that can take her in Nd be with her from a different point so you change the part of the morning routine that she fears...
Eg if you aksYs took her to the classroom, could someone meet you at/ outside the gate... So it changes subtlety the way things have happened
I had a girl in yr 7 in my form who was fine for the first half term then developed fear of school, instead of unstructured time in the morning after being dropped of at the gate, she came and hung out with me, we did a lot of general chatting I found out quite a lot about home and her evening morning routine and worked with her mum quite a bit, I became sort of a bridge for her into school because I had associations with her homelike as well as school... I wonder if that sort of thing might help... We looked at her timetable, identified places she felt fine and times she felt worried and worked with her worries one by one.. It took a little while but it was worth taking it slow... She's in year 11 now and has had a positive experience of school and wants to carry
Hope something in here is of use... It must be v hard for you and have a knock on effect on all of you in the morning wondering if this will be a easy/ difficult morning
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 19, 2014 17:39:06 GMT
Than you think we could try some of your suggestions her twin is in the same class with her. But when I picked her up today we had a chat and she said she is worried her friends will not play with her. She is quite over powering and loud and most of her friends can only take her for a short time then they move away from her.
Her twin is very quiet and tends to worry about her sister getting in to trouble, but does not play with her as she has normally had enough of being bossed around at home so hard being 6 x
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school
Mar 19, 2014 17:50:24 GMT
via mobile
Post by chotimonkey on Mar 19, 2014 17:50:24 GMT
Is there any way of separating their arrival with people at school so they have a big of apart time before the beginning of the school day
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school
Mar 19, 2014 21:13:41 GMT
Post by rosie on Mar 19, 2014 21:13:41 GMT
Would she cope with the TA meeting her at the gate and walking with her into school?
This has worked for some children in our school.
Another thing that has worked for some children is arranging to go into school a little earlier before the main rush when it is quieter. If there is a scene she wouldn't have an audience, and has time to calm down.
We have one child at present that this is working very well for; and she mostly comes into school well now.
Obviously it depends if there is an adult available to be with her; but if it was only 5 minutes earlier there should be someone.
Hopefully that would make it easier for her sister too.
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Deleted
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school
Mar 20, 2014 9:19:59 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 9:19:59 GMT
I am surprised that both DD's are in the same class. Is there only one class per year?
In most schools I know of they tend to seperate twins to give them a break from each other and to allow them to develop their own personalities and their own friendships, as there is usually a dominant twin, who can sometimes speak for the other one, thereby holding them back from developing.
Just wondering about your school. It must be hard on her sibling.
I think Choti and Rosie's suggestions of DD going in earlier or later is a great idea to avoid the rush.
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school
Mar 20, 2014 9:52:02 GMT
Post by moo on Mar 20, 2014 9:52:02 GMT
Thinking of you & sending hugs.....
Having just been been thro the mill to hell & back with school I so feel for you....
Lovin' the later/different start angle coz of the rush.... Hope school are big enough to see the problem & help you solve it.... Hugs xx
p.s. Old had 2 sets of twins in one class!!! Small schools here so splitting just couldn't be done.....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 20, 2014 15:17:25 GMT
We just have one class so They have to be together and they are not the only set of twins in the class . Hubby did school run today he had no fuss. I did have to carry her in to the car and give her one sweet bribery may be wrong but it works and makes life a little easier
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Mar 20, 2014 16:39:46 GMT
Post by littlemisscheerful on Mar 20, 2014 16:39:46 GMT
Would you prefer them to be in separate classes if it were an option? I'm interested because my 2 are in the same keystage, but their classes are split across key stages. I don't think it would be very good for them to be together, - think they'd be very competitive! (Talking about my kids, not yours!) Glad today was more successful - my YD used to have a TA that came to meet her in the playground, which helped her. Eventually she lined up and went in with everyone else.
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Mar 20, 2014 17:04:26 GMT
Post by jollymummy on Mar 20, 2014 17:04:26 GMT
We split our twins quite early cos the teachers would compare them (at parents' evening etc - e.g. x is better than y at maths). Also AD1 was slightly ahead. They belonged on the same table (set by ability) but cos they messed about when together the teacher split them and AD1 was always on the higher table. Really affected Ad2's self-confidence so that even now she doesn't think she is clever.
I was wondering whether someone else could take them to school for a week or so to break the habit - if that is what it is.
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 20, 2014 18:42:31 GMT
They are already very different/individuals they never sit or play together always walk in to a room and go in opposite directions but if you watch them they keep an eye on each other, and academically very different one has a ILP at school and is emotionally more delayed than the other still has nappies at night but they both love me to baby them and I don't think they they would cope with different classes but I could think differently as they get older
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school
Mar 20, 2014 20:49:39 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 20:49:39 GMT
Interesting that DH didn't have any problems from DD today at drop off. Do you think it could be a control thing she's doing with you to get you to stay longer?
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school
Mar 20, 2014 21:45:04 GMT
Post by monkey on Mar 20, 2014 21:45:04 GMT
Hi Flowerpower LO's therapist has challenged DH and I this week to consider why I get all of LO's behaviours and he often doesn't. LO is very controlling and manipulative and the therapist feels that she sees the gap / difference in our parenting and dives in. I don't think I'm a soft touch but I do sometimes stop and consider what to do next or doubt myself. The therapist thinks that LO takes advantage of those small gaps and jumps in before I've realised what's happening. The therapist also thinks that sometimes I dictate rather than give a more assertive instruction (I'm struggling to put it into words, sorry)when setting boundaries and that approach is more likely to cause a response. I think that the answer is to take time out for yourself, ensure that you are in control by believing in yourself and be positive (outwardly!) in all your dealings with the children. I think all of these are easier said than done however! Look after yourself. MMx
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 20, 2014 21:59:22 GMT
Yes she always needs to control all of us and needs to take charge all the time. It is very draining. We both try very hard to have strong boundary's but it is very very hard. I have 3 BC all grown up now and this is so very different only us in the weird world of adoption could ever understand xx
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 20, 2014 22:01:37 GMT
And yes MM I think your LOs therapist has us both sussed and he has never met me xx
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 21, 2014 14:40:05 GMT
How are thing with you MM
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school
Mar 21, 2014 21:59:38 GMT
Post by monkey on Mar 21, 2014 21:59:38 GMT
Doing fine thank you. LO's come home from school today having learnt "the Penguin Dance" - I think the local Zumba teacher taught it them at school for Sport Relief. She's had us in stitches tonight!
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Post by flowerpower on Mar 25, 2014 9:58:47 GMT
We are now trying yet another course of action in school they have a corner called the home corner not really sure what is in this home corner only herd of it today, but I hope it works, it took 20 min to prise LO of my leg which is when the teacher said would you like to go and have 5 min in the home corner and up she got and in she went. So will suggest the home corner tomorrow and see how we get on I need sleep just had a very busy night shift. I think I am letting this school thing stress me out found myself worrying about it at about 4am at work need to try and focus on the more pleasurable things we all do together as a family x
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Mar 25, 2014 16:36:19 GMT
Post by jollymummy on Mar 25, 2014 16:36:19 GMT
In the schools I have been involved with the home corner is a corner of the classroom set up to look like home.
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