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Post by twoplustwo on Mar 19, 2014 9:33:32 GMT
Don't want to give out too much information because it's quite identifying but I'd like people's opinions on this so will give an 'example scenario'.
Stig's attends a special school. Once a year each year group has a 'reward' trip out. This is allegedly for good behaviour throughout the year but even the most 'difficult' kids go along so my personal view is that it's just the annual school trip.
This year we have a problem. They are doing a 'two-tier' reward:
All the children are going to the cinema but a select few 'extra good' children are being taken out for a meal afterwards. (This isn't what's really happening but what is happening is similar and it gives you the idea without being too identifying).
Naturally Stig isn't in the 'extra good' group - around a third of his class, including two of the children he is closest to are, getting the extra reward.
Rather than seeing the trip out as a reward Stig feels very upset and disappointed that he is missing out on the extra treat. Once again he is being left out.
I hate stuff like this anyway. My personal opinion is that, if a child has managed to be 'good' (ie no trouble for the teacher) for the last two terms then the chances are that being well-behaved is pretty natural for them. Children like Stig could never stay out of trouble for a sustained period of time day in day out for weeks on end.
Many (but not all) the children are on the autistic spectrum and I suspect that a lot of them will feel the same way as Stig - not see the 'treat' part of the trip at all and just feel left out (again).
The school already has several reward systems in place (which I admit I'm less than thrilled about - obviously whether a child deserves a reward or not tends to be very subjective) but this one feels particularly hard to deal with.
The 'reward' day is going to be very difficult - my friend says that to do the two things on the same day is rubbing the 'less good' kids' noses in it and Stig is going to have to go back to school while his friends wave him off.
Am I overreacting?
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Post by pluto on Mar 19, 2014 10:35:17 GMT
Well at 13 years old he should probably face the consequences of his behaviour. He knew before what would happen and could not comply. You see the trouble is it will not be long before natural consequences take over if he misbehaves (police involvement, jail etc).
If you keep him home that day you might give him the message what he did was not all that bad (no idea how he behaves, but obviously not up to standards). I think we might have to allow those by the school imposed consequences to happen, and it would be best if we as parents are just neutral about it. So no empathy just, well you knew the rules it is a shame that you lost out this time, maybe next time it is easier for you.
I do not believe in that award system myself and if my child was 7, I would make a fuss, but for a teenager I would just let it happen.
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Post by twoplustwo on Mar 19, 2014 11:30:18 GMT
Thanks for that. However he never seriously misbehaves. It's just low level stuff - mainly linked in with his high enxiety levels and autism. (For example if he's in a noisy environment he copes by making noise himself.) Some of the kids get violent or threatening towards each other and sometimes towards the teachers too but Stig is never like this. He's just not one of the 'super well behaved' group.
He's recently been diagnosed with autism and CAMHs are very keen to get it on his statement because they say that a lot of the beahviour school are finding difficult is out of Stig's control.
I understand what you mean about natural consequences and I have no problem with sanctions being imposed alongside support with his behaviour. However he isn't suffering a sanction for misbehaviour he is losing out (along with several other kids with similar difficulties) because he can't live up to a benchmark which seems unrealistically high - I feel like he's been set up to fail.
To me it's like telling a child who has severe mobility problems that if they can walk 100 metres like some of the others then they can have an extra treat. If they can't then they can watch the others getting the treat but they can't have it.
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Post by pluto on Mar 19, 2014 12:12:01 GMT
In that case I would just keep him home that day! I did not know he had autism, sounds all very strange for a class with asd children.
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Post by esty (archive) on Mar 19, 2014 12:15:13 GMT
I definitely think it is wrong.
They do something like this at youngest son's mainstream school and it's always those that can't help themselves that miss out.
Reward all one day and if you have to extra reward on another day. Though I'd be wanting a reward that was set up that all children had an equal chance of achieving. A reward that you earn things towards perhaps. Things that are well within your abilities with a little stretch.
I'd play dopey mum and say I'm not understanding the trip out? Then when it's explained I'd exclaim all shocked oh my goodness don't some of them find that difficult to manage as it's saying they're not quite good enough? And if there was any opening i'd then suggest a different way.
I'd also possibly be explaining to my AS that those children must've have worked really hard with some examples. If they haven't and it is unfair then I would challenge the school.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Post by sooz on Mar 19, 2014 12:54:48 GMT
Hi there.
I think it's totally wrong. Effort should be rewarded, but each child's capabilities are different. Stig could well have been trying his super hardest to 'toe the line' for ages and yet still not made the grade that another child may well have found easy. So he may think, why bother.
It's the effort that's important.
For example, yesterday afternoon my ds managed not to kick off in a certain lesson, he was 'rewarded' with a ten minute kick about with his lsa in the school hall. I know that took a great deal of self control for him to achieve. There is no way other children in his class would be given a reward for not kicking off as it's not something they struggle with, but their own efforts are recognised and rewarded, as they should be.
It really does feel like giving with one hand and taking away with the other.
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Post by chotimonkey on Mar 19, 2014 14:43:13 GMT
It's tough because I do see the schools perspective of wanting to do something really special for those that have tried v hard... But it's do subjective as to what tried hard means...
I don't think the two should be on the same day because it undermines the treat for everyone, it would demotivated me if I was stig
I also get what Pluto says about natural and societies consequences
But it's soo hard when it is your child and they do try hard and they do achieve/ behave well within the boundaries of what they are capable of, could you talk to his classroom teacher about working together on a more personalised rewards system of something that you know would work for stig.
I used to work in mainstream schools, but also taught small groups of 14-16 year old with v varied special needs, what worked best was knowing their likes and dislikes as well as their academic and social capabilities and working with this to create individual targets and rewards... Group things were general celebrations rather than rewards, we had parties and trips because it was Christmas/ Diwali/end of term/ we had finished a piece of work/ my birthday:) but rewards were small but individual and for all sorts of things...
We tried to join up rewards with other teachers/ year heads/ parents/ ta/ form tutors so they might just get a certificate featuring a favourite band member it character that if printed out, but everyone got to see it who mattered to them...
Poor stig, treat him anyway show him you think he's a legend!
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Mar 19, 2014 16:17:46 GMT
I only like reward systems where everyone succeeds!
At ours, they get house points, but these are handed out willy nilly which means everyone can get some.
Sounds horrid and I'd have thought a special school shopuld be doing better. I completely agree with you re a child with physical disabilites, - having said that, a TA at our mainstream school tried to get a child who had CP and walked with a frame to go on a trip without his frame as if it were mind over matter.
If he still misses out, what's the point in trying? (not my opinion but that's how my ED would think).
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2014 17:58:31 GMT
It does sound like a very strange reward system, particularily in a SN school.
I could understand if the kids had their extra reward on another day, but making those who didn't manage it go back to school, seeing the others go off for another treat seems rather cruel to me and is bound to make them feel out of sorts and could spoil the fun of the day out.
Still don't see why it all has to be on the same day.
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