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Post by peartree on Mar 1, 2014 20:55:18 GMT
Wonderful to hear agent chaos is settled and keeping her side up if the ARF offensive
Even happier to hear comrade POW is in fact back to being lovely EN of the non incarcerated variety.
My dear comrades
A LOT has occurred this week
We did think that the minefield of nearly being trusted by our biggest agent was well mapped and thoroughly known about.
But no! Agent is very jumpy indeed with poorliness
My dear arf partridge gives a lot of cross muttering as he needs no one
My dear lad really cannot accept help and really furiously admitted to not feeling 100%
Turns out his temperature is about 103
Eventually agent partridge summons enough courage to request en1 perch herself near by to agent
Agent has today allowed the twirling hair action that *might* feel nice...
Also applied cool patch head thingy...
Arf allows en to call and en2 took hot and shivering agent to local out of hours infirmary
Agent got seen and given anti biotics for nSty infection
Agent has much in the way of tough gob (croaky) action about the fact he smokes and personal hygiene and state of bunker leading to infection maybe linked thingies but DEFINITELY not in his case....
En2 deserves medal for keeping his mouth shut and not arguing with poorly agent
Agent was found to be sobbing earlier this week as the communication device internal ooojits Suddenly kicked the bucket.
Agent though en1 would be very cross indeed...
To arf agents huge surprise en1 didn't freeze, starve or torture agent
Instead en phoned insurance who have arranged for a fixing action to occur
AgeNt very pleased
Arf blossom is busy with male interest number 2
She has decided he's the one to give cash to
She did look very lovely today with a smart hair cut (with tinge of orange ;-)
Much fun had at local 'rolling' ally with en2 and his 2 young ladies :-)
En1 and woofy have managed to get PAPPED in the local news as she was visiting the local cop shop re developing role at children's centre at code 'beat surgery' and the wonderous success was being heralded
En was being herself with helper woofy
En was talking away and to blank faces then they asked be why she volunteered at children's centre
En explained mummy to 3 and having faced a fair few ups and downs in life and oh! Ens! You should have seen their open gobs!
Then they got all interested having got over their embarrassed 'I'd never have guessed an disabled lady can be mum' moment the press came in and we all made marvelous PR :-)
Non arf pip- she's got to be a character from a book for bootcamp
Are her current outfits suitable? No way!
So en1 has been instructed in the ways of MERMAID STORY and has dug about in the sew box.
Some use of eBay and a wing and a prayer!
Why do bootcamps tell you the weekend Before ?
Never mind.
Wonder if other camps have to adorn agents with book character theme?
Think of you all often
Especially camps edging towards white flags
Also camps with much 'find the outfit' work to be done this week :-)
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Post by pingu on Mar 1, 2014 23:31:32 GMT
Camp penguin very short of spondooliies but EN1 and EN2 making regular raids on supply tent "Waitrose" using free coffee per day " with their spy card offer, to keep up spirits. ARF1 16 birthday soon, and caustically reporting that his friends are having ThEIR 16 birthday party's at home with their En's leaving them to themselves and going to the pub! " Like that's going to happen""( even if we could afford it! ) arf1 also seems not to know when his bootcamp exams OR parent night are, this year. Think I might need to communicate with bootcamp myself.
Anyone know of any full time jobs anywhere in the uk that would take on a 56 year old? Anything legal and moral considered. Otherwise we are in danger of losing basecamp .before end of year.
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Post by damson on Mar 2, 2014 19:38:32 GMT
The Sweet Sixteen party manouever was raised, very briefly in Camp Preserve. EN2, as commanding officer, took the route of explaining this was a foreign (US) custom, and unbefitting of a true Brit. EN1 refrained from saying that Arf1 did not qualify on a more basic level  Fortunately the Prom Party is now the grand lure. Arf2 is out in town with the NCO, eating out on a wet Sunday night. Arf1 refused to visit basecamp today, so ENs can hear the sound of their own thoughts. |
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Post by gilreth on Mar 2, 2014 21:07:58 GMT
Camp Nest can report little ARF action from little argent Sqk - well we could. Currently ENs & agent are on Shore Leave and having a great time. However agent Sqk was left for 3 whole hours today without ENs and took revenge on ENs by being '2' all afternoon when we met up with grandparents and their friends. But by this evening code bedtime was fine and for the third night the little agent is fast asleep in strange surroundings. ENs enjoying coping juice....
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Post by peartree on Mar 3, 2014 8:33:39 GMT
Good morning fellow arf camps :-)
It's Monday and somehow the weekend roll calls have passed and ens are back to their weekly duties.
In our domain there's a keeping to tradition and being arf blossoms en involves much walking on egg shells.
Especially around times of potential treats, arf blossy has been know to loose it altogether and render self incapable of attending 'good things'
Things like BIG BIRTHDAY and NICE DAY OUT cause agent to break things and have big wobblers and operation sabotage self is often subtle but present.
So other camps facing similar en1 suggests arf efforts to ruin the day should be as much as possible Ignored and just go for it.
Agent blossy got a day at a beach hut for being 16. Arf partridge went paint balling.
Wobbled all week before but it was worth it
The regimental medal for valour in the face of heavy fire will be sent out in due course :-)
Arf partridge isn't too well still and en1 has found out a new tactic for looking after poorly boy (who is 18 and seems very little despite vast lanky self at the moment)
****top secret****
Agent is unwravelled when en approaches with closeness and caring.
So en1 has been asking agent to look after her. Providing toast ration for her despite shivering and feeling rubbish has enabled en close proximity for application of thermometer and paracetamol dispensing :-)
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Post by damson on Mar 3, 2014 16:17:34 GMT
Otherwise known as 'Stealth Dosing', by accomplished EN agent. Does EN's wheeled vehicle and woofy have a special radar reflecting coating?
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Post by shadow on Mar 3, 2014 22:52:22 GMT
agent chaos is in helium balloon mode - floating off with POW and granny and granddad trying to keep hold of string of attachment
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Post by peartree on Mar 8, 2014 19:37:24 GMT
Good evening arf comrades.
En1 wants to report finding new game in the orchard family.
This is called POLAR OPPOSITES
Designed to make ENs sea sick from lurching up one end and plunging down the other sometimes within minutes.
Arf partridge has had an awful week. He suffered a great deal in his camp of origin, this physically has meant he has a problem with a 'would be very helpful' limb. Agent and en1 and agents gf went to see the man of many cuts about said appendage. MRI and X-rays have given away the exact position of bone and surfaces and the man of many cuts explained that TRAUMA IS NOT FIXABLE.
Further, agents hyper mobile status alongside his sisters could be something other than elastic gymnastics.
If agent wants to carry on with 'I'm a lumberjack and I don't cAre' life than he's going to have a lot if OUCHING as the man of many cuts cannot fix agent.
Agent gulped
Tried the 'follow your dreams' type line along with bringing in a dose of bravado but man of many cuts, cut him down quickly with a 'yes but the facts remain the facts'
Agent came out of the appointment with en1
Agent sobbed
Embarrassed in front if his gf.
He very quickly unwravelled and stormed off shouting and clenching fists in a sort if deranged arf hacker move
I popped a note to cavalry grandpa who swiftly found and his chatting soothed agent and returned him to calmness in time for a thoroughly miserable dinner time with big wet splashes on his spag Bol
Poor lad
Ens have no idea really whAt a practically minded lad can do with hurty limbs in tow
Answers on a postcard.
The tale of woe above is only lifted by this very happy news relayed to en1 whilest awaiting arf Partridges appointment.
The communication device rang it was arf blossoms key worker sgt major of her unit.
Much
Whoooop hurray yaying on the end from arf blossy. First thoughts?
''Yeeks she's nicked sgtmajors phone'
But I needn't have worried- arf blossom got a FORMAL ACCEPTANCE to do music-y thingies next year with full support even without a statement in place. Whoop whoop indeed.
Very, very proud of agent
Pip, is being very 6 year old girl and has been a bit tricky about dressing up in 'book week' camouflage.
Changed mind 3 times
Much flouncing
Fussing
And hissy fitting
But in the end went in full evening dress (long live oxfam) And pearls
As 'kitty Lacey' hairdresser to all the fairy tale characters from her 'bestest story time books'
Wonder what other agents snuck about in last book week?
Agent partridge has recovered fully from lurgy of last weekend.
En1 has had some lovely visits to the mash herself
Taking X-rays of her GOB were cleverly undertaken and wonderdog carried his duties off to a tee
He waited behind the glass screen while mummy hAd the machine going round my bonse
He stayed so nicely he got a bit of sausage AND squeezy cheese as a special treat. :-)
En 2
Had a good week. Decidedly non cavalry parents have decided to contact en2 to inform him that they request presence of orchard as NC GPS have had a little operation they've not discussed
Thinking it's hideous eat your flesh lurgy or cancer or huge lumps up your nose we find it's just a small look at things
That's it
But friends- their world is upside down
Nothing will be the same!
They even had to RECORD yes RECORD CORRY!
(Horrible thought I realise having such a pedantic life but grrrrr nevertheless)
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Post by peartree on Mar 9, 2014 20:17:45 GMT
Arf shrimp in the nip and en1 shoes plus other agent raft building makes en1 pear tree suspect a secret arf mission involving skinny dipping, floods and trip to Shoe shops :-)
Arf partridge has been informed that cavalry GPs are going to purchase DRIVING LESSONS SET
Currently en1 and wonderdoggy are glued to CRUFTS 2014
Think that herding agents could be a new event category
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Post by peartree on Mar 10, 2014 8:53:26 GMT
Good Monday morning to all campers Agents have cleared off to respective bootcamps and en is breathing a sigh of calm Wonder Waggy is snuggled into his basket following a wild weekend and he's not noticed that en1 rather liked the toy dog 'Colin' on CRUFTS but admittedly he wouldn't be much cop as an assistance dog. En1 is on mission to construct 'bunting' for friend This involves sew And making And things en likes to do The body of the pear tree en- hmmm well that is impaired significantly this morning and lack of movement will be an issue, application of warm wet and soapy zone may help somewhat. Agent blossom, delighted at being allowed to go to bootcamp of choice had a code 'great time' with all orchard den building in woods. This action with arf partridge and non arf pip seemed to reveal moments of what could have been / should have been (?) However Arf blossom has instructed fellow members of her unit in the art of DEN construction and so her job after college will be removing twigs branches and bracken from the units laundry store Ever proud of agent :-) |
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Post by peartree on Mar 14, 2014 21:06:40 GMT
Good evening all arfers We are snuggled up together, en2 and furry mascots. Agent blossom has contacted en a few times today Her newly relieved shoulders of a most unpleasant matter has meant a new spring in her step There's been a happening in arf blossys dwelling. Arf blossy has a BASIC communications device. It texts and talks and transmits it's location handily when agent had done hoodini acts of magnitude, But en1 noted agents activity seemed very smart phone related including late night internet usage to which she'd not even meant to know the flippin' codes.... Agent is delighted to have all codes accessible to her incl accessing something important on the network which may or may not have resulted in the offices main computer now only speaking in Urdu Very disappointed agent has had communication device (non regulation smart variety) relieved off of her clever young mits Agent was getting a lot of texts from unwanted friend requesting and lurid note leaving. Oh ens she so precious and vulnerable  All ceased now? We hope so xx |
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Post by damson on Mar 16, 2014 6:25:13 GMT
Camp Preserve is peaceful.
Arf2 has been inducted into physical fitness base, and is attending zealously to develop musculature of epic proportions. (Lean genetics may well thwart this ambition.)
Arf2's Duke of Edinburgh manouevers approaching,requiring new marching boots.
This as nothing compared to 'World Challenge' expedition touted at bootcamp. The spondoolies needed for this combination of worthy service and hiking lark abroad made EN1 cough, but Arf2 claims fundraising activities will provide the hogs share of £3000.
Total radio silence from Arf1.
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Post by peartree on Mar 18, 2014 10:23:28 GMT
On amber alert looking out for duke of Edinburgh trained arfers on expedition
En1 is currently lying on bunker in heaps of pain
Little miss pip has decided that temperature and poorliness at 3am require en1 and en2 need to share their bunker with her
Two cats
1 6 yr old
Plus 2 thirty something's.
Not a lot of room!
En1s wonder hound has learnt to cover en up with duvet
It's taken practice and patience and we thought we'd cracked it so called everyone in to show off
The first bit went great and then
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Post by peartree on Mar 18, 2014 10:26:01 GMT
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Post by peartree on Mar 18, 2014 10:26:30 GMT
Ooops!
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Post by peartree on Mar 25, 2014 19:15:49 GMT
Slacker at reporting in en1 reporting in ;-)
Arf partridge has had better news
Not only has girlfriend returned to his long hairy and pongy arms he's managed to land himself paid expeditions through en1s en friend picking up an advert at the opportune moment.
Arf partridge will be working at local plant growing zone of leisurely delight
This will begin at weekends and develop to full time if only agent can commit to quest 'hold down a job'
Non arf pip has impressed all orchard with dramatics and lurgy of scarlet fever variety is one en1 doesn't wish to repeat.
She's still miss spotty
But no longer miss too warm so is off to bootcamp :-)
En1 is informed that she is a mean horrible mother of the lowest kind for sending her to bootcamp AT ALL as she's done lots of learning already
Arf blossy has had a few blips but overall continues a steady course
En1&2 have leant her a photo taking device
This is to picture important things places people or animals to agent for making arf agents interesting book.
This will be very interesting
Especially if photos come out and simply contain images of agents left nostril...;-)
En1 and wonder hound continue their adventures with gusto and enjoyed a lot fun showing off our talents to gathering of most amused elderly bench occupiers at the park
Elderly bench dwellers were very interested and having handed over my leaflets said 'amazing what these blind dogs can do these days'
:-)
Heheheheh
En1 did giggle at thinking through the pile of 'issues' our family currently faces let alone a helper dog who is blind would simply top it all off :-)
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Post by sockthing on Mar 25, 2014 20:43:59 GMT
Great to hear non-ARF is ok and on the mend.  |
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Post by damson on Mar 26, 2014 19:39:44 GMT
Arf Agent 1 has broken radio silence to communicate success in 'mock GCSE maths' assault course.
ENs feeling a great sense of relief, as had wondered if agent lost due to extreme IRO operations a month ago.
Arf2 less keen on the gym, as it has not delivered rapid muscle enhancement. Even adverts don't show a change that fast!
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Post by gilreth on Mar 26, 2014 21:29:36 GMT
Little agent Sqk decided today was a good day to throw up for the first time - all over his car seat and back of EN1's car. EN1 got him home, settled in front of Cbeebies and set about clean up operation. Little agent fine rest of day. EN2 is feeling a lot happier tonight as mobile again - and EN1 is grateful for no longer running a taxi service after EN2 involved in nasty car smash which EN2 walked away from but car didn't - as agent puts it 'Daddy's car very, very broken'. Otherwise all fine in camp Nest as agent has got over disturbance to routine.
EN1 expecting issues tomorrow as she has to go to meeting at place of paid expeditions so he is staying with cavalry auntie (who is in fact an EN1 herself) plus final statutory visit from representative of SCUM - with lifestory book ENs hope.
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Post by leo on Mar 26, 2014 22:29:36 GMT
Met Office camp has been under siege - not sure which has had most devastating effect - repetitive severe weather systems, mad staffing decisions made by bootcamp (which have been providing ammunition for ARF weather systems) or SCUM activities.
EN1 is sad to admit she is getting heartily fed up of low level flooding affecting beds, bathroom floor and various articles of clothing. Also have to admit to resorting to practicality instead of therapeutic parenting in the face of continuing ARF night exercises/disturbances - ARF have been engaging in tactics of deny EN sleeping privileges. Secondary tactic of deny EN sleeping places is also in full enagagement.
Cavalry Grandad has been reinforcing base camp and replacing all ARF damaged items - nearly as fast as ARF destroy them. Now need to find someone to reinforce EN!
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Post by shadow on Mar 27, 2014 21:45:41 GMT
agent chaos has been in Greek god mode - controlling all and everyone - like a giant sand tray of people
thankfully wonderful Barnardos brainwashers also see this
and understand the terror behind it
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Post by twoplustwo on Mar 27, 2014 22:22:56 GMT
Agent Stig has stunned bootcamp with his ability to use bootcamp communication and research devices to access areas which they believed were in lockdown. EN 1 is secretly relieved that Stig's hitherto unrecognized talents have now forced themselves onto bootcamp radar.
EN 1 is less delighted that agent Stig has demonstrated that being a spy is not something he can aspire too. He has proved this by broadcasting personal and private information belonging to EN 1 and cavalry friend via worldwide communication device. ENs have been fielding emails and phone calls from strangers as a result of agent Stig's indiscretion.
Agent Stig was most disgruntled to discover that his communication and research privileges have been temporarily suspended at bootcamp AND basecamp.
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Post by shadow on Mar 27, 2014 22:39:50 GMT
Pow can vouch for agents ability to overcome any restrictions/safety barriers on internet - agent chaos has kept many po!ice Dept's busy investigating her online antics - SS couldn't understand how she managed and how I failed '..... We all know how an agent on a mission can a heive the impossible
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Post by peartree on Mar 28, 2014 21:35:19 GMT
Deeply impressive arf action in Addition camp
ARF agents are adept at challenging all forms of secure communications.
If only there could be a way agents of the arf could be trained in linguistics and espionage techniques.... ;-)
Arf partridge has tried looking morose and interesting in a whistful slim and casual way. This posing is due to an affliction known as 'teenager moving onto young adulthood' along with attempts to snog girlfriend so slobberly and gropily that even the college bus driver complained...
Agent partridge has a code 'friend'
This friend is also 18 and en1 is aware that this young lad got through a dire childhood and his mother is pretty unstable. He's on arf agents college course. We shall call him spike.
En1 has become aware of strange affliction of en1s particularly
'Mothering unbearably'
This has been well exercised over the years....
However, this particular waif and stray has a heap of pretty eye watering issues and frankly ens, there is no collective orchard desire to have young spikes issues in their lives.
But
En1 has sewn up his holey trousers and gave him some chilli con carne ration and pasta soups plus some washing pouches....
Thus exorcising en1s 'affliction!'
Little miss pip is much much better and lost almost all her spots
Moreover, the tooth fairy may be in for an Easter time shock as 3, yes 3 teeth are wibbly wobbly
My lovely blossom. Hmm
She's playing games a little but her people at the unit are on the ball
Hopeful her settled times will continue
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