Anyone got any experience of sibling groups where there is a mix with some adopted, some fostered and some with birth family? And the adopted and fostered kids have had contact with each other, but historically not been allowed contact with siblings who remains with birth parents? How did things pan out, as the children reached 16/18 and start to contact birth family. did the younger adopted and fostered kids gradually find themselves banned from seeing more and more of the older ones,( as well as any children still with birth patents) until they too are 18 and can choose for themselves? And what if one of the older siblings who contacts birth family, has a younger sibling with them in adoptive family- does that mean younger one can't see other adopted and fostered siblings either? Does the whole contact thing gradually fall apart? I realise that adoptive parents of the younger kids can decide the risk for themselves , but where do fostered kids come into this, if a judge has said they are not to have contact with birth parents?
Mum to AS, Emperor (18) & AS, King (12), (10 & almost 7 at placement). Married to DH, Rockhopper.
Its fraught with tension..... contact with older sibs in contact with BF or in FC is a nightmare to police, especially with FB and mobile phones. my oldest, now 25 had this worry, well worry was for me, contact dwindled off with him an sis in fc when he was bout 10 ish so was pleased about that, but when she was 18 she contacted him and a whole can of worms was opened from which it took years to recover for us all. not much help I am afraid, and am not really a fan of contact, not just from this personal experience but its just so unsettling for all.
Mum to 4 children, now 25, 18, 15, 12, (all placed as toddlers).
My dd1 has had contact with older and younger brothers - one adopted/one in care. Via the sibling in care she also progressed to contact with wider bfamily but not BParents - thşs was easy because the extended family had no contact with bmum.
As she has gotten older contact has reduced and become sporadic. Younger brother has many issues which prevent a real dalogue between them and with the older brother she felt she wasmaking all the effort for little return.
The older brother recently contacted my dd saying he would be attending her 18th b'day and bringing grandma (WHO she has had no contact with for 4 years). My daughter agonised (and İ got the fallout) before writing back and saying she wanted to spend her 18th with family and friends and that he should visit at another time - and grandma needed to get in touch with her direct if she wanted contact. She has heard very little since then - but a weight seems to have been lifted from her. She always feltresponsible for her brothers. When she was younger she had contact with both of them but they did not have contact with each other. Aged 10 she approached her younger brothers amum and organised a family day for them to meet up. Her birth family seemed very important to her then - but not now. İs that because it was deemed in her best interests by SW and then me ? Certainly she has become more attached to our wider families almost in reaction to this letting go of bfamily.
So hard to know what is the right thing to do isn't it?
Mum to DD's, Enigma (20) & Whizzy (15) - (adopted aged 2.5 & 1), plus HB, 1 dog, 2 cats
My daughters adopted siblings contacted her and her non adopted older siblings via Facebook. They were 15 & 16 at the time. For a few months they enjoyed FB, Skype and texting amongst themselves. Then when I told their parents about it, it came to an abrupt halt. We have arranged two meet ups which went well and another planned this Spring. Apart from that the adoptees blank any attempt at direct contact which is very hurtful for my daughter. The older ones appear to brush it off but then they've had so much to deal with in their lives that this must be just another knock back to them and they just accept it. None of the wider birth family attempted to join in as they know the contact is for siblings only. The adoptees don't seem to have any curiosity about birth family, they just seemed to want to connect with their older brother and sister who they'd lived with in the early days. I wish it hadn't happened, it was easier to explain to my daughter why she didn't have direct contact than try to explain why, when they have direct contact the adoptees are ignoring her. :-(
Kinship adopter of DD (15), with BC age (28) and (26).
Pingu, most of my posts are on the ASB secure board for obvious reasons, but I did do one on the Discussion Board under the "Letterbox contact - the pro's and con's"" which you might find useful to read.