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Post by flowerpower on Feb 25, 2014 21:52:57 GMT
I feel a bit rubbish for not knowing why one of our LO's has been very difficult, hard work, very stressed by everything hurting her sister been very challenging +++ for the last 2 weeks. Now I know why, they had their 6th birthday 2 weeks ago they had a lovely time. We never had a party as she just gets to excited and then crashes in a heap so just nice meal and cake she enjoyed being able to read all her own cards this year and we were very impressed at her enthusiasm at reading all her cards. Previous years we have read them out and I guess they were more interested in opening presents.
But two weeks later her sister said to me ( today) do you know what is wrong with my sister I said no do you she said yes we sent birthday cards to siblings (nearly 3 years on still with same FC ours were with for 2 years ) so we thought they would send us one back and she is very sad that they did not bother.
I then felt very sad too, gave them both lots of reassurance and tried to explain why and tried very hard to say that they can talk to mummy and daddy anytime they are sad and how we like to talk about their sibs when ever that want to. We have twice yearly direct contact with sibs I think the fall out from this is much worse than after contact xx any thoughts
We have two girls they are both 6 now and have been with us since nov
2011 FP xxx
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Post by flowerpower on Feb 25, 2014 22:16:16 GMT
I was looking for the WPB to put this post as I feel like that's were I need to sit for a wile but could not find it
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Post by esty (archive) on Feb 25, 2014 22:46:03 GMT
Anyone would be hunting in the dark to have guessed that one. No way do you need to be on the WPB. You'll know for next year. Esty
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Post by daffin on Feb 25, 2014 22:50:12 GMT
I often have a 'Doh!' Moment when I FINALLY work out why Monkey Boy has been exceptionally difficult. Often seems obvious in retrospect. But actually isn't.
Don't beat yourself up. You've worked it out now and talked to your girls about it. Hopefully they can learn to talk to you when something is bothering them and you will know to have your super-duper antennae out when their behaviour goes haywire!
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Post by chotimonkey on Feb 26, 2014 7:13:27 GMT
oh flower power...it always seems obvious with hindsight, but there are so many variables with small children that it could be anything at any time and sometimes you don't want to second guess them in case you put a new woe in their heads...
no wpb for you, just hugs to you and the girls
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Post by loadsofbubs on Feb 26, 2014 7:59:17 GMT
if the siblings are still in foster care and you already have direct contact, and bearing in mind that for an adopter it is usually an agreement only for this to happen so you are within your rights to tweek it if so wished, could you ask the fc (either directly or via their fsw) to send the girls a birthday card? afterall you think of their girls and send them cards. foster carers would be in a more difficult position to refuse to do this if asked through official channels, though know form my own personal and very recent experience that not all foster carers comply with social services requests/recommendations. is worth a try, even if you don't tell the girls in case of refusal on the part of the fc's or sw's involved with the other girls. its such a small thing to do but could make a big difference to your daughter.
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Post by flowerpower on Feb 26, 2014 9:44:11 GMT
Thank you for your posts, and yes I am going to contact the sibs SW and ask if they can encourage FC to do birthday and Christmas cards. But thinking back in our girls memory box their were no cards from the two Xmas and 2 birthdays they were in FC with her and girls had no toys or clothes that fit. So perhaps they are part of a religious group that don't celebrate stuff xx
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Post by flowerpower on Feb 26, 2014 9:48:26 GMT
Sorry think I was just rambling out loud
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Post by moo on Feb 26, 2014 10:28:27 GMT
Aww flowerpower this hopeless thing called hindsight.... Stop beating yourself up  You have spotted it now so you are a fully paid up member of the human race after all!!!  ...
Hugs for you....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2014 10:37:25 GMT
Was going to suggest the same as LOB's. If the FC is on board then maybe you could send a reminder 2 weeks before their birthday so she could get siblings to send a card. It does seem a bit off though if you always send cards for the siblings and FC doesn't send any back.
Don't blame yourself for not realising, birthdays can often be emotive days for adopted kids as they do tend to think about their BF at times like this probably wondering if BM is thinking about them or remembering them, even if they don't voice this.
Also 6 is a known age when children start to figure out who is who and how they fit in/came to be etc.
Hugs to you xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Feb 26, 2014 15:22:23 GMT
loved your rambling flowerpot! but the chances of them being allowed to impose their own religious restrictions on foster children is very slim (though am guessing this was a tongue in cheek comment!!).
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Post by peartree on Feb 27, 2014 8:45:49 GMT
I think patterns are much easier to spot retrospectively
But
Well done for seeing it
:-)
Next time you'll be ready
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Post by sockthing on Feb 27, 2014 9:50:30 GMT
Hugs flower power. We are all only human and we don't have crystal balls. You sound like a lovely mummy to me, so cut yourself some slack. The fact that you are trying so hard to repair the situation shows what a good mummy you are.
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Post by monkey on Feb 27, 2014 21:01:42 GMT
Sending you a big hug. How wonderful that one can speak for the other.
Hope you're feeling a bit better now.
MMx
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Post by flowerpower on Feb 28, 2014 0:58:55 GMT
A big thank you for all your support I am feeling more Relaxed about things now and also feel like we have broken through a barrier that they have been holding up xxx
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You have spotted it now so you are a fully paid up member of the human race after all!!! 
...
