My current foster child is just about to begin introductions. From day one she's been a handful, one of the most challenging children I've met. So why is my heart already breaking at the thought of her moving on?? Honestly, I've not felt like this for a long time - she's far from the first child who's lived with me and I've moved on lots before so I'm a bit shocked at suddenly feeling like this.
Fellow foster carers, please remind me that this is only temporary and I'll bounce back soon
Also, admin, I've been considering writing an intros diary from a foster carers point of view when we begin. Is this okay? Where should i post it?
Hi NMT, I'm sorry I can't help with your first point but it's really interesting that you feel that way and positive despite your LO being tricky; maybe because she's been a handful, you've invested differently in her. I don't know how you do it, full of admiration.
Your second point, wow intros from an FC point of view - as a prospective hopefully going through intros in the next however months: it would be very interesting to hear it from your point of view.... do it, go on..!!
Could you perhaps put it in the approved prospective adopters section and maybe later, Admin could sticker it to keep it at the top. It would be very helpful for the approved folks approaching intros for a whole variety of reasons. x
No matter how many children you move on, there are always going to be some that mean a little bit more than others, I think that's natural especially if you have invested a lot of time and effort into one as you seem to have with latest LO.
Intro's from a FC's point of view would be FAB!!! We adopters could learn so much from that and also it would be a good reminder to adopters to think about FC's feelings too as sometimes we can forget how hard it is for them seeing a much loved LO moving on.
sympathies nomoretears. I think the moving on a child that has been tricky to care for IS harder. not the same really becoz you are on board for this move but for me, when I moved the bbs, the relationship we had was so strong and my life had literally revolved around her for more than 3 years, the poor health, the attachment problems, the behaviour along side the joys and laughter and I was completely and utterly devastated and it too took me by surprise as I have never before, or since, had such a strong reaction to child moving on. probably some, if not most, of mine was the way things happened and the on going and still unresolved issues involved, but I do think that our trickier little ones really are harder to move and involve more emotion for us, for me certainly. I am getting better now, and even when she'd gone, even among the tears and despair and everything else I still got on with life and managed the other little one I had in placement without problem. usually I like/need a new placement asap, with the bbs though I needed a 2 month break from new placements, ended up with a 4 month break due to availability of placements and that has worked well. take some time and be kind to yourself before, during and afterwards. and really hope it goes well for everyone involved and looking forward to the intros diary! will be moving on squishy munchkin in about 3 months (hopefully), might do the same!
foster carer for babies and toddlers, and also an adoptive parent.
NMT, all our children are special to us, but there are some that are just that more special, who creep into that very corner of your heart that you forget is there. The fact that she has been difficult to care for is possibly why she crept there, almost un noticed. You will get through this, and you will get joy from seeing her with her new family, but you are also allowed your sorrow.
Love the idea of your intros diary, I still have no prospect of my gorgeous 'not wanted' LO moving, but I might take your lead and do an Intro Diary for her----and yes, she has certainly crept into the very last corner of my heart, that is hard to let them go from. xx
Thanks everyone. Feeling much more positive today, I suppose it was partly Friday night worries.
Jmk I thought it would be best to do intro diaries in here too as it makes it clear they're not quite the same as prospective adopters. We start Monday so lets see how it goes. LOBs and Imp it'd be great to read yours too - I'd be interested to see how much differs and how much is the same.
Would love to read FC intro diaries, with lo1 we were so blown away by becoming parents we couldn't take anything else but by staying in touch with FC and talking to them about subsequent intros and then going through two more, I started to realise what it meant to FC and the whole of their families too and what a huge deal it was...
Also I know it's not the same but when I was teaching it was always the really difficult kids I had to work my a** off to win round that I ended up loving the most... I always also felt the most protective if them because I knew that other people didn't always see the loveliness
Hugs to you
Mummy to DD Squirrel Monkey (9), DD Howler Monkey (8), DS Curious George (7), DS Silverback (not quite 1)
It would be great to get intro diary from a FC's point of view. It must be full of lots of different emotions for FCs - my hat goes off to you all. I'm really looking forward to reading the first one - & learning a lot too
Single prospective adopter with 14-year old BD, approved for a DD (5-8 yrs old)