Post by mayan on Feb 11, 2014 14:29:20 GMT
Well we are a few days off dd's birthday (valentine's day) - her 25th and it has been the first time since yr 5 when she hasn't been racked with grief that has overwhelmed her at some point in the period between Xmas and her birthday. No matter what we did to try and help her it just built and built until she could contrive some kind of situation and then there would be this emotional eruption - all of it usually in my direction and then she would be able to think about her birthday.
Some birthdays - 15, 16, 17 and 18 have understandably been very difficult as they can be so loaded in any event. It has gotten a little easier and she was able to enjoy her 21st eventually and now her quarter century however has been so different despite some difficult things going on around us all - I know since Xmas when she always mentions the valentine's cards are in stock I start to physically tense along with her and steel myself for the usual fallout or sometimes suffocating intensity of her presence (all the "notice me" behaviours signposting her inability to cope and contain all of her emotions) and all need lots of active de-tensing - but things are unnervingly normal - I recognise both DH and I have been quite tense with anticipation but she has definitely got a very different vibe going this year.
Can it really be that she has turned a corner for now, or recent conversations regarding the loss of my half sister has addressed some deep anxieties about her BF relationships which of course resonate deeply at birthdays etc, is it finally some maturity given she is young emotionally for her age, or dietary as she has been distinctly less prone to her blue funks since she has changed her diet and up'd her walking as a result of bus service cuts.. Or a mix of all these things?...I don't know but it finally feels like something really is different to all the years previously and that feels unbelievably good and something to celebrate at long last.
Just have to begin the task of retraining myself and DH now if this is going to continue..acutely aware of how much muscle tension we both get still ..interesting how even positive situations can really highlight what living with some of our children can do to us parents. More self care definitely needed...and definitely some deep massage after the day!
But worth it for all that to see her enjoy even a little more something that others can take so much for granted albeit I know at some point many such days become tinged with some degree of sadness as we age and lose loved ones perhaps.
This week though we will be just quietly celebrating turning a corner to who knows where yet....
Some birthdays - 15, 16, 17 and 18 have understandably been very difficult as they can be so loaded in any event. It has gotten a little easier and she was able to enjoy her 21st eventually and now her quarter century however has been so different despite some difficult things going on around us all - I know since Xmas when she always mentions the valentine's cards are in stock I start to physically tense along with her and steel myself for the usual fallout or sometimes suffocating intensity of her presence (all the "notice me" behaviours signposting her inability to cope and contain all of her emotions) and all need lots of active de-tensing - but things are unnervingly normal - I recognise both DH and I have been quite tense with anticipation but she has definitely got a very different vibe going this year.
Can it really be that she has turned a corner for now, or recent conversations regarding the loss of my half sister has addressed some deep anxieties about her BF relationships which of course resonate deeply at birthdays etc, is it finally some maturity given she is young emotionally for her age, or dietary as she has been distinctly less prone to her blue funks since she has changed her diet and up'd her walking as a result of bus service cuts.. Or a mix of all these things?...I don't know but it finally feels like something really is different to all the years previously and that feels unbelievably good and something to celebrate at long last.
Just have to begin the task of retraining myself and DH now if this is going to continue..acutely aware of how much muscle tension we both get still ..interesting how even positive situations can really highlight what living with some of our children can do to us parents. More self care definitely needed...and definitely some deep massage after the day!
But worth it for all that to see her enjoy even a little more something that others can take so much for granted albeit I know at some point many such days become tinged with some degree of sadness as we age and lose loved ones perhaps.
This week though we will be just quietly celebrating turning a corner to who knows where yet....
I hope you really get to enjoy.... 
