School-aged children

Hi
I'm sure you'll get varying answers dependent on how long ago people adopted. I've met with a couple of the Heads this last week and this is a question I asked: from the schools' point of view (even with a compulsory school aged child), both schools said they'd work with whatever the agreed plan was (I wasn't sure if school would take issue with it, but clearly not). I'd recently asked my SW the same question and she said they would not insist on the child having to quickly go to school and would be happy with time home, bonding, then phased intro to school, etc. Problem is - it depends on the child's SW and what views they have: from what I've read - vary quite a lot. I'm going to aim to have as much time as we can get away with unless my child is desperate for school. I've agreed with the schools that once I'm linked (and such that it sounds like everyone is happy with the link so that no-one else is in the running) - I'll ring the schools, give her DOB and then see if they have places. I don't know how it works from there: I imagine that I can't do anything formal (like registering, etc) until after matching ratification (which might make it tight for any appeals).
Not sure if that's any help; I'm sure parents who've experienced it will be along shortly
x

Mine came to me during the Easter holidays, having already been in school but in another county. The social workers were all very keen for them to start at school full time straight after the 2 week break. I wasn't keen on this as I felt we needed more time as a family first.

My LA would not let me apply for a place before the boys actually moved in with me - so that delayed things before even got to all the refusals. 'Luckily', I had terrible trouble finding a school place and they didn't actually start until September (after six months at home). The LA provided 3 hours of home tuition a week during the time off school but this was to satisfy Social Services needs rather than the boys' needs!

When they did start, they did a week of an hour a day, then a week of 2 hours a day... By January they were just having a Wednesday afternoon at home (which they still do 2 years down the line). At difficult times of year we also have extra days at home or leave school at 2:00 to allow some calming down time and family time before the routines of tea, bath and bed.

The extra time at home was invaluable and I would certainly recommend it. So many issues and wobbles came out during that time with just me that I think would maybe even never have come out otherwise as my children are so good at 'hiding' their insecurities and anxieties in public. It was only this time together that gave my boys enough calmness to begin to feel safe and make the first (minute) steps towards having a bond with me.

It was great for the boys but at times it was hell for me! Two very hyper boys with some very challenging behaviours who were used to being so busy their feet never touched the ground suddenly living with a very quiet, calm (lazy!) single mum. There was no respite whatsoever and I was completely exhausted - but it really was the best thing for all of us looking back on it.

Ours came aged 5 and 6.5, and were placed with us late in the summer term. They had one week off school, then they went full time to 'school', which of course wasn't really school at all at the end of the school year. They were used to school, liked it and expected to go. We had put pictures in their introductory book, and there was never any idea that they would just stay home... I foolishly thought that we might make friends with a few people they could see over the summer holidays. (!!! clearly a newcomer to planet adoption. Never assume friendships will materialise or continue. Or that you will make friends with the parents if your kids won't play with their kids. it's a ruthless world out there.)

My AS went into reception rather than year one, and did small boy things for a couple of weeks in a very supportive place. The staff got to know him, and since they were part of after school club, that was important in years to come. One of them told me recently that all he did was play in the sandpit, and that he built a sort of fortress, and barricaded himself in. Poor boy.
My AD went straight into regular school.

The plus from this rapid start was that the summer holidays were just that - holidays, and we spent them together. it all felt ordinary when they went to school in September.
The other plus was that I used to sleep while they were at school. My children were close in age, and I might just as well have been given twin toddlers to cope with. DH had gone back to work, and I was absolutely exhausted. My children never 'played nicely' together, and the level of supervision needed was very high. School kept them apart constructively

Choosing a school was a straight choice between 2 local schools. One had places, one didn't. We were lucky. We got the nurturing school, and it really did help to have kind people working on ordinary life things in the school as well as us at home.
My children benefitted from a programme called Socially Speaking that the school ran with a TA teaching little groups, or sometimes 1:1.
It taught recognising emotions, learning to say sorry, how to have a conversation with an adult, and how to interrupt politely, amongst other things. If you are having a look at schools, see if they have something like this, as it was very helpful for my AS.
Looking back, my children were so needy, anything the school could do was a massive plus.

First, if adopting mid year you won't necessarily get the school of your choice, it depends on whether there are spaces, and in infants, infant class size rules apply so it is hard for them to go over 30.

We adopted our DDs when DD1 was in y3. She had 2 weeks off, including a half term, and then went full time. getting back to the routine was important for her, as school had always been very stabilising. However it meant we missed out on bonding time. In an ideal world DD2 would have been magically cared for (or slept soundly for 3 hours) every afternoon and I would have kept DD1 out for afternoons for at least a couple more weeks. But as DD2 was pre-school and nap-less it wouldn't have worked anyway.

Once you are linked go and look at schools, but you can't apply until matched. Though actually I think it is a bit pot luck as you really won't know your child well enough to know what would suit them best. Though of course a school with no empathy for adoption would likely not be suitable.

swimchick - nurture over stretch any day - but if she needs stretch can you do work at home with her?

I suppose it depends on the child's age, personality, school situation, etc. both our kids came to us as schoolchildren, age 6 and just 10. Ds1 arrived during Easter hols, and due to his previous school hols not coinciding he had a month off, he and we were nearly climbing the walls as he was bored and didn't know anyone. Ds2 moved in a week before Autumn term started. This was a short notice situation as his FC was going abroad and he came early to us rather than move twice. It was actually good , cause he started the new year with classmates and didn't miss any schooling. As a bright child who enjoyed school, which had been a refuge for him in difficult circumstances, it was right for him not to miss any school time. As for home and bonding, there was plenty of time for that after school, weekends, holidays,, etc. and the routine helped reassure him. Also ds2 has never had more than the occasional day off school and he is doing well academically and it helps his self esteem, an issue with which he has struggled due to his past situation.
My personal belief, and it's only my opinion, is that unless there is a very good reason for it, school age kids should not be kept off, unless they really need to be. They need the routine,and the interaction with other kids, and the challenges and interesting things to do, the break from the intensity of a new home, and unless there are educational difficulties, they need their education. My ds1 had missed so much school before he came into care that he was very disadvantaged till he caught up, which made it unpleasant for him interacting with other kids in class. Once he was up with the majority it was much better.
I know this isn't the case for every child, some do need time at home first, and some will have behaviour problems and need social and emotional things addressed first. As I said at the start, it depends on the child.
As far as sorting out school place, we phoned as soon as we knew we were matched and they said, when he moves in just bring him in to register ( this being the local school for this area) so we just took them along on th3 first morning, as requested,having notofied tham that was our intention. We also had the option to look round and meet teacher just before Easter hols, for ds1 which we did and that was helpful as he met another new start. One of our trips out from home during the hols was to the uniform shop!