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Post by peartree on Jan 26, 2014 16:16:11 GMT
Partridge is gobby defiant difficult In your face Argumentative Everything is argued From the reasons why we wear seat belts To if I asked him to put one or 2 things away. He's 18 But acting 13 Trouble is He's leaking and I am intolerant and wound up And fed up  Mr pt is just grumpy Pip is uppety too- just unsettled Partridge has gone out this afternoon It's bliss round here despite the rain  Everyone settled and comfortable Even the dog Does anyone else have a leaking teen Any ideas to help? |
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Post by happyone on Jan 26, 2014 20:29:53 GMT
Big breath and avoidance works for me occasionally it's the only way to go xxxxx
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Post by flowerpower on Jan 26, 2014 21:44:35 GMT
Yes just hold your breath and keep you distance but be their it is so hard living with young adults xxxx
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Post by peartree on Jan 26, 2014 22:26:23 GMT
Think 'go with the flo' is the ideal Partridge is often the most needy when he pushes the hardest and I'm trying to remember that despite his 5ft 10 and young maness he's a terrified little boy inside. I do love him But it's very testing at times |
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Post by shadow on Jan 26, 2014 22:27:33 GMT
poor lad - and thinking of you all PT -you are an amazing mum - just remember that
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Post by daffin on Jan 26, 2014 22:57:49 GMT
Sorry to be really ignorant, but what does leaking trauma mean?
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Post by peartree on Jan 26, 2014 23:13:14 GMT
Good question daffin
Partridges early start up until he was 6 was pretty horrific
Lots of neglect
Then he's been adopted and we've gone through lots together.
He's pushing up for independence in a fairly unusual ways/ extreme He's 18. But very young.
But sadly he's still struggling with the basis of relational trust.
He's facing the reality of young adulthood and having been forced into struggling to survive too young it's scarred him massively.
The only way he can cope with life he needs clear routines calm boundaries with some choices that feel safe and supported.
He can't cope with the intimacy and closeness that's required to enable him to have security of this sort completely terrifies him
We call this the push me pull you behaviour
The memories/ fears and resulting aggression and snarling etc makes everyone else feel similar feelings
This is totally alien to some peoples make up
Yet they find themselves snapping and behaving irrationally
This is caused by transference
Partridge has 'too big' feelings
So he transfers those to the people involved in his life who care for him
You are then cross and snappy with partridge
Then he feels carp
So triggering more cross nasty gobby comments
Then you get more trauma leakage
Sometimes, just sometimes I think hey, he's really getting there. Pretty normal 18 yr old this! At last he's holding it together confidently
But then
He will leak
So eg tell several stupid lies and start being lovely to me and I'll find out actually he's nicked all my amazon vouchers etc
He *has* to leak
He's leaked then the torrents arrive! So actually he's amaxon vouchers have been swapped for cigarettes he's sold to blossom etc....
That, is what I think of trauma leaking
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Post by ham on Jan 27, 2014 9:53:38 GMT
dd is suffering at the moment and nothing I do is helping her
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Post by daffin on Jan 27, 2014 18:12:51 GMT
This all sounds really hard. Your ability to step back and see the situation for what it is, rather than getting sucked in is amazing to me.
I don't have a teen, so don't have practical tools to offer. But I guessing you need to hold on tight to that talent of your for taking a step back and identifying what is going on. So, looking after yourself so that you can preserve your strength and sense of humour is going to be key.
Does DS respond well to humour? Does it jolt him out of his rut and into a more positive place?
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Post by moo on Jan 27, 2014 18:18:36 GMT
Hugs pear tree....{{{}}}
Cuddle your lovely new dog friend .. 
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by damson on Jan 27, 2014 20:18:16 GMT
I hope doggy transferrence is giving you warm furry feelings that block out snappy leakage.
Has your doggy assistant been trained to detect cigarettes at 40 paces yet?
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enid
Bronze Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 75 
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Post by enid on Jan 27, 2014 22:22:03 GMT
pear tree, got teens, its grim at times isn't it. got 3 dogs as well. so they keep me sane! sending tons of support. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by peartree on Jan 27, 2014 22:49:15 GMT
Heheheheh you've made me laugh!
Can see the pictures in the daily mail now 'mums assistance dog bribed with squeezy cheese left my fags alone!'
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