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Post by aprilshowers on Jan 8, 2014 9:31:26 GMT
 the one where they keep you in the dark and feed you bullcarpe....to re-cap after another aggressive blow out by both girls, me and hubby were injured, dining room upturned and plates broken...both girls arrested, spent the night in the cells, CPS have decided to prosecute, we are offered by SS respite for the weekend as there is no family that is able to take them, hubby agrees, he has had enough and his biggest fear is that he will come home from work to find me in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. So they are in a post 16 hostel as this was the only place they could find, we did see them xmas day and my sis saw them over the weekend.
Our SW has been off duty then off sick, we have some contact with the hostel manager, but this week already I have had a phone call from middly college she is kicking off and swearing and they remind me that she is hanging in there by a thread, and hopefully things will be resolved at the meeting this week.....WHAT MEETING, I try to tell SS what is going on but no-one available to take my call, I tell the hostel manager, he texts back wen he got to the college everything was fine and they had no problems...gggrrrr.
Then yesterday I get a phone call from the police wanting to know the whereabouts of both girls on Monday night...explain things to him, tell him that I will contact the hostel manager who will be collecting one of the girls as she is due at YOS panel. Hubby then much later that evening text the manager to find out how the YOS panel went, manager rings back, there was no meeting as littly was in police custody due to an incident at school....school did not contct me at all. Then when I logged onto e-mail account there is message from our SW, she cant get to me till late afternoon, and goes on to say that in light of middly giving her version of accounts to college on Monday things have changed....WHAT.
So again I will have to wait to find out what the hell is going on, as it stands at the moment I don't know if littly is still in police custody or not...more bleeding phone calls e-mails and texts. |
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Post by shadow on Jan 8, 2014 9:46:26 GMT
oh its criminal - treating you like this - who will still be the girls mum when all these profs are no longer on the scene?  ?? I have slightly similar even though shadette is living in my house - I am not included in meetings/my opinion isn't asked and I am not told what is going on behind the scenes I think its just the way childrens services work - they seemed to be muddled about adoption- see the children as foster kids and us as dysfunctional parents - so they are in control and honestly don't seem to think we need to be involved I hope whatever is going on with your girls that proper support is put in for them and you sending many hugs (ps just imagine cutting up all those mushrooms (the SW college people etc)and putting it in your bolognaise ) |
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Post by moo on Jan 8, 2014 11:11:00 GMT
Hugs to you & dh {{{{}}}
This is just madness.... What on earth... The world truly has gone stark staring bonkers....
Hope you get put in the picture soon.... Here's to time to re group you sooo need a break 
Hope all the so called professionals sort themselves out pronto....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by pluto on Jan 8, 2014 13:02:13 GMT
Are you still considering to have them back home again? It sounds pretty dire mushrooms or not. Take good care of yourself, safety first before anything else! |
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Post by kizim on Jan 8, 2014 14:41:15 GMT
At times of chaos and confusion with my dd - particularly when she ran away from home for several days, twice - Ä° was so filled with helplessness and anxiety. Ä° used to mentally Wrap her up in a blanket and hand her over to the care of God/higher power/ the universe to give myself some mental relief. Ä° hope you can find some stillness in this madness April...remember to breathe xxx
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Post by damson on Jan 8, 2014 18:41:46 GMT
Hugs ((((((AS))))))
Rest peacefully under the warm mushroom compost,(ignore the faint smell of horse manure) and let the sw do all the sweating.
I hope she's a good one.
Other people are responsible for the girls at the moment, and whatever mischief is going down, you are not responsible.
Nice to think that there is now a team dealing with the evident trauma.
A pity it wasn't there sooner.
Maybe someone will have the time and patience to unpick the lies and get at the hurt person behind them?
Or maybe your kids will discover how very nice you have actually been.
When my AD went into foster care age 15, the sw announced that she would coordinate everything. And she did.
So like you, at first we tried to sort things and be involved. And then we sat in darkness, wondering whether we would be so maligned we'd never be able to hold up our heads in public.
It's been OK. Mostly people turned out to marvel how long we'd managed.
I think we were so used to knitting things up, sorting problems and bailing children out (no, not the Police sort) we just could not stop.
Section 20 isn't pretty. But neither is being bullied in your own home.
Foster care has allowed us to have a much better, more constructive relationship with our AD, and effectively, with our AS too.
xxx D
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enid
Bronze Member
Single Adopter
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Post by enid on Jan 8, 2014 21:06:40 GMT
At times of chaos and confusion with my dd - particularly when she ran away from home for several days, twice - Ä° was so filled with helplessness and anxiety. Ä° used to mentally Wrap her up in a blanket and hand her over to the care of God/higher power/ the universe to give myself some mental relief. Ä° hope you can find some stillness in this madness April...remember to breathe xxx That's lovely. am going to use that. |
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Post by jollymummy on Jan 8, 2014 21:11:45 GMT
I too have been in the situation you describe with people failing to advise me of important incidents and feeling like I have been totally sidelined. As though by having your children accommodated you are no longer interested in them or what happens to them. I have lost count of the number of times I have said to people (whether it be carers/nursing staff/consultants etc " how would you feel if it were your daughter?"/ "what would you want to be told if it were your daughter?". It is truly shocking and frustrating, too, when you are unable to get hold of anyone on the phone to try to clarify what is happening.
It sounds like your SW assumes that you know more than you do. I can sort of see that the Hostel manager might not be used to dealing with parents if the placement is for older teens (not making excuses). I have found that being firm about what communication you expect and complaining when it doesn't happen is the best way to ensure you are kept informed.
Hope things improve and that tomorrow brings some clarity.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2014 5:24:10 GMT
Trouble is April, they are so used to dealing with parents who don't give a carp about what happens to their kids that they forget that there are some parents like us who DO care.
Try and use this time to recuperate and regain your strength for what lies ahead. It sounds like both girls could do with some time away from home and each other, to have a think about where they are heading and to give you and DH some respite and time to recover.
Hugs to you xx
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Post by aprilshowers on Jan 9, 2014 10:00:36 GMT
At last some clarity. Firstly I need to say that our SW is very good, proper old school worldly wise and very caring, has been doing this job for many years in very roles, knows a lot of people and very hardworking.
I am obviously very fragile, was feeling quite paranoid about being ignored but SW has behind the scenes and from her sick bed getting things in place and checking out all the options.
So college and middly, there was a proffs meeting, this had been organised by SW at my request as it was plain that they want middly out, middly decides that during the proffs meeting she is fed up of waiting to be told what is going on and barges in...in her normal high drama style, lots of colourful language, accusations to nearly everyone of them ganging up on her and them lying about her to get her in trouble and the thing she told one of the LSA in confidence...apparently she too has been using drugs for 18 months...all rubbish, SW tells the meeting that as she has worked with middly for over 18months this has never come up and middly is a drama queen and is taking on her sisters issues. Upshot is that middly has four weeks left to show them that she can manage college and behave appropriately...some of the stuff she has done is totally unacceptable and had she been anyone else than middly would have been kicked out a long time ago.
Littly and police, well this is a bit more complicated as there are two police investigations going on at same time, firstly the call I got trying to find out the girls whereabouts is due to an incident at the hostel, SW has not got all the details as her and the hostel manager were at the college meeting then she came straight to me and was waiting for his call, but something happened sunday/Monday and the manager was called to the hostel 2.30am in the morning. Second police thing is that whilst in school, littly and another student refused to go into lessons, came back from break late, lots of language and angry response to detentions and littly picked up a chair threw it, leg of chair went through window. School as instructed from an earlier message to them informing them that littly was not at home contacted the hostel then SS, SS said she has to be charged, so she is charged with criminal damage and part of this bail condition is that she is not to have contact with this other student who is going to be charged with threatening behaviour and is being moved to another unit.
SW is fully with us, she wants us to continue to have the girls accommodated, she feels we have done so much for them and there is little more we can do until they change, she knows that proper therepy might have helped them cope better when they were younger but as none of that happened and all the other support that has been in place sort of worked for a while but now they refuse to engage at all.
She is at a panel meeting to discuss funding for FC placement for littly, the hostel and the fact that middly is now mothering littly is not appropriate, she has identified a FC who may be ideal for littly, she is single and has her own horses and uses the horses to help teens in her care, the down side is it is a long way away, but it would keep littly away from the many people and influences, she will keep me informed about how that goes.
Sad really is not the word for our feelings, anger and frustration that it has come to this, SW agrees with me that now they are spending money on the girls yet when we asked it was a definite no no. but onwards and upwards, school have said they will keep me informed of serious things, hostel are seeing the girls in a very different light now, work for me and hubby have been very good, family still onside, and I actually slept through till 4.30 this morning, first time in a long while.
Thank you all for your kind and supportive words, next thing is LAC review next week, SW is trying to get this done as individual, but as it was made when she was away she is not sure if this can happen, the girls don't want me there, but SW feels that littly will want me there and she will talk to her, she will also arrange for SS to collect me and take me home as hubby is away on business that day, so all in all feeling less like a mushroom.
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Post by jollymummy on Jan 9, 2014 16:31:03 GMT
I am pleased to hear that there has been clarification of all that has gone on. Sounds like the FC suggested for littly will do her good. We found it has helped having AD2 away from our local area. I believe that horses can be very therapeutic for troubled kids. So, hopefully, the funding will be there. Your SW has clearly been really supportive and it is great that she is encouraging littly to keep you involved. Hope the meeting goes well. keep us up to date. Great to hear you are sleeping better, too!!
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Post by damson on Jan 9, 2014 20:05:38 GMT
It's a relief to hear your sw has been so constructive. She sounds so sensible, I do hope the funding lottery doesn't scupper things. I do hope the LAC review is done for each individual so that middly's dramas don't run littly's life. And that the horsey placement comes through. Sleep the sleep of the righteous who has done their utmost  |
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Post by ham on Jan 9, 2014 22:09:21 GMT
hugs my friend and to hubby too.
my house needs cleaning if you have a few moments and shock horror I actually have a bottle of wine in my fridge and have even had a glass but you are welcome to the rest.
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Post by larsti on Jan 10, 2014 22:49:01 GMT
 big hugs for you....((((((Aprilshowers)))))) I'm glad SW is a goody. Love Larsti x
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the one where they keep you in the dark and feed you bullcarpe....to re-cap after another aggressive blow out by both girls, me and hubby were injured, dining room upturned and plates broken...both girls arrested, spent the night in the cells, CPS have decided to prosecute, we are offered by SS respite for the weekend as there is no family that is able to take them, hubby agrees, he has had enough and his biggest fear is that he will come home from work to find me in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. So they are in a post 16 hostel as this was the only place they could find, we did see them xmas day and my sis saw them over the weekend.
??
