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Post by daffin on Jan 3, 2014 23:55:35 GMT
OK guys. Quick request for advice. My DS hates me being on the phone. I mean, really HATES it. Today someone called who I had to talk to, just as I was about to go out with him and the baby for a walk. It was a call I had to take and it took 28 minutes. I know because during that time DS cried, screamed, hit me, bashed me with a biscuit tin, bashed the door when I retreated to the bathroom and shut myself in, and then hit me and screamed some more. This is a repeated thing. I have talked to him about it, and there has been a bit of an improvement with outgoing calls (I talk to him about them before each one), but no improvement on incoming calls.
He is generally unwilling to play on his own and follows me around (to the loo, to change the baby's nappy etc), and I think he's past the age where he should have grown out of this. He was diagnosed with quite complex sounding attachment issues prior to placement (which we interestingly only heard about this summer!), so I'm guessing this is a kind of attachment thing. What do you think and what would you do to deal with it? (Other than taking a few deep breaths and going for a walk in the rain - which is what we did!)
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Post by ham on Jan 4, 2014 4:38:31 GMT
Tough I know and hate to say this but sometimes it can take our children a lot longer to learn things.my Dd 19 now still follows me around the house and I still don't get to wee in peace although the screaming etc is much reduced.
You could try having the same activity for him to do when someone phones practise this get a friend to phone who knows what you are doing,when you awnswer phone say to friend i need to tell lo i need to take this call.then say to lo 'i know you find this hard but I must talk to x while I do this you can colour or read then I will come too you when I have finished.back up your words with a visual timeline .
Again my Dd still struggles with this especially if she knows it is about her.
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Post by moo on Jan 4, 2014 6:15:03 GMT
Great advice frm ham....
My two still struggle with this.... At first if I 'had' to take a call I would sit on the sofa in between them & let them listen in.... When that didn't always work I tried similar to what ham has suggested... It did help to have a few strategys in place in case I just 'had' to take a call....
It is so hard.... Hope you find a diversion that works....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by peartree on Jan 5, 2014 10:02:34 GMT
Absolutely dire
Pip is a pain aged 6 and a bc when I'm on the phone but a bit of distraction and she's settled- what a difference between that and my ac
They really couldn't cope with much in the way of independent anything
Then if I got a phone call, well that tipped them over the edge!
In the end I made a fidget box my 2 could be 'near' mummy and fidget with things
All my old cards to arrange
Avocado stones
Threading cards
Simple feely books etc
Mohdoh and tangle toys too,
Also handy for wet days
Blossom who got up on the night found it a help too
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Post by abiee on Jan 5, 2014 10:12:25 GMT
How old is he daffin?
My dd is 7 and she is just the same. It is impossible to sort anything out by telephone if she is with me. Nothing has worked
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Post by rlmjam on Jan 5, 2014 10:48:08 GMT
This is what I suggested to Daffin when we were taking about something else in a PM: it might help others
Try getting an interesting box,or an ordinary box and cover it with wrapping paper to your child's taste. put in there some things that you know your child can do independently, colouring, nice crayons, pens, puzzles, simple games, books, comics etc and have this just for times like phone calls/ meetings and only let them have if at that those times so it is seen as a treat. When your get a call that you know may take a while then you can tell them to go and get their box , give it a special name. When you have finished your call share what they have been doing and praise them lots for using it well. You could keep adding things to the box as you find them e.g cheep party fillers etc so that there is an element of surprise when they get the box. Don't give in, though and let them have bit at other times or it won't work when you need it to!
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Post by daffin on Jan 5, 2014 19:37:38 GMT
Hello again. Thanks for your support and useful ideas. I'll certainly put together a fiddle box. DS loves working out how things work and he loves a novelty, so something that just comes out when I'm on the phone may well work. BTW, I'm holding out for tomorrow - nursery again! DS had chickenpox before Christmas, so we've had each other as company rather more intensely than usual for the last month (the baby had it over Christmas, too, making the claustrophobia more intense, as we couldn't go anywhere for days - again!). I think a bit of space and a fiddle box and I'll be my normal cheery self again!
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Post by gertiesquidge on Jan 5, 2014 23:28:24 GMT
Good luck with the restart to nursery, and hope it gives you some space from all the intensity :-) Absence makes the heart fonder and all that :-) x
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Post by chotimonkey on Jan 6, 2014 14:29:18 GMT
I have a dummy wallet that howler loves and I keep for when I need a quiet half hour... It's an old wallet with old gift cards that no longer have gifts on them, old store card and some pennies... She loves playing with it.
Colander and pipe cleaners
Sorting activity with a reward eg sort these two different types of pasta into two bowls and I'll read you an extra story when you are finished
Stickers
Babushka doll animals
Photo collage on a big bit of cardboard box
Start a town/ zoo/ island/ outer space picture in the back of a big folded out cardboard box and see what they can add to it
Kids exercise DVD
A toy they haven't seen for a long time
They might be a bit young, I'm good at distracting my littlies and the teenagers but not sure about primary age
Hope something's helpful
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Post by chotimonkey on Jan 6, 2014 14:30:38 GMT
And probably some sort of sorting/ cutting up old christmas cards at this time of year
And writing thank you cards
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