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Post by haze on Jan 12, 2014 19:17:26 GMT
Camp Nutty reporting in having just about survived the 'festive season'. ARF agents do not cope well with code 'festivities' but did manage a day with extended family for the first time in a year with minimal fall out.
Bootcamp has started again and usual issues with coursework have resurfaced. Bootcamp issues also fun for En1 who has changed role & bootcamp venue... am now of HT brigade.
Review with mental health team planned in coming weeks. Expect to be told ARF agent is 'normal' and that we are 'over protective' but we shall see..
Good luck to other camps & wishes for a calm New Year to all.
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Post by queenie on Jan 20, 2014 18:56:07 GMT
The Royal Household has been poorly ill since Christmas. Much coughing and wheezing and sneezing has been heard ringing around the palace walls. But the Royal Voice has not been heard as it has absent without leave for two weeks. The pantomime of the Royal Deaf Consort pretending to hear what has been whispered to him and getting it all wrong has the makings of a sitcom. now the Royal Voice has settled down to the sort of gruff tones that can generate undue interest in some members of the opposite sex.............. to quote a long gone member of the Royal Family " we are not amused".
Agent Twirly enjoyed the experience of being the least ill person in house, and attempted nurse duties with considerable gusto - which is not the best medicine as hushed tones and P and Q was what the ailing souls most desired. Now the Twirling One has resumed her normal health position and MASH at home is in place, prior to an encounter with the surgeon on Thursday. The Twirling One is nervous. The surgeon is a Very Nice Chap and we know him well. He has the stigma of having sent a lit firework within inches of a twirling Twirly shortly after she joined the Royal Household, and a very literal Twirling One hasn't forgiven him for forgetting to tell her she could breathe again after asking her to hold her breath............. She wonders if it will be third time unlucky for her! Fortunately this has distracted her from the trickiness of the job in hand - Twirly's veins are , shall we say twirly, and two lots of surgical big guns have been wheeled in to tackle the job.
Much conversation has occurred with Celestial HQ, and we are all hoping that Celestial HQ has a plan for the Twirling One that is close to our hopes!
over and out
Queenie
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Post by peartree on Jan 20, 2014 19:27:08 GMT
Hang out the flags, en1 pear tree is back on duty :-)
Canine support unit installed Test mode impressed the charitable Waggy people and so full installation of WAG1 has been occurin'
This has been to the utter delight of small non agent of six yr old variety In fact en1 understands that she's talked about nothing else at bootcamp resulting in small 5 yr old friend (pig tails variety) saying 'talk to the hand!' With amusing flourish
Undeterred she took in mug shots of en1 and wAg
Arf partridge has been at live interests abode this weekend He's enjoyed it and seems to think he's purchased en1 something for her annual gift fest at the end of the week En1s cavalry are having a pizza evening :-) and were all going :-)
Look forward to reading all your news Have missed you all xx
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Post by monkey on Jan 20, 2014 21:34:31 GMT
Ah Peartree, sorry can't do the ARF thing but was wondering today how you were doing. Welcome back. MM
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Post by oysterbabe on Jan 21, 2014 8:43:40 GMT
Glad to welcome back Beloved Leader and super duper canine. Seafood division is in strange sorts... Arf cockle has been talked to by Head of Numptie hq and got himself into a right mess as his addled brain does not hear what is said, it makes up a parallel conversation. This resulted in en1 and en3 (x husband cavalry dvn) hopping mad with steam coming out of lug holes as he was tipped over the edge at weekend.
SCUM have had a pow wow to talk about how much money they can save as he approaches 16. SCUE are telling en1 what she wants to hear as they actually are putting in effort. Probably to save en1 whinging for a further 2 years as things go pear shaped. Scum person used the phrase "unique" in relation to arf agent yesterday. Hurrah, they have finally twigged.
Agent Whelk has his last mock exam tomorrow when I expect things to return to normal. He is requesting new items of clothing and has deposited six pairs of trousers (unworn) for charity bag. They are too big, too baggy, wrong colour, just wrong! So after seeing Chief Toothpuller/Metal Adornments Installer we are going shopping. McD for tea as treat for doing mocks in most grumpy, snotty, normal Arf way as predicted. Normal service resumed.
Tomorrow, fellow Ens I am going to see Dame Margot of Turquoise. Lucky girly I am as horrendously oversubscribed and free! All about permanence and hopefully lots of SCUM and assorted ahem professionals from locality will pin their ears back and jolly well listen. I shall write copious notes and report back.
over and out.
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Post by peartree on Jan 23, 2014 7:54:28 GMT
Dame Margot of the Arf is always worth seeing Arf partridge is off to further bootcamp With love interest in tow She's very nice and is ballsy which Is important when love interest to arf Arf partridge has been extremely arf in the gob department Apparently ens are stupid saps and he knows everything He can lie Be rude etc as long as he likes as it's a code FREE COUNTRY Agents comments of 'who gave you permission to go in MY room to strip the bunker' Got mentionned In Front of love interest Arf agent hotly defended self Looked a Wally Arf agent informs en that he can lie as as long as he doesn't look up to the left no one will guess En pointed out this is a reflex that you can't control Arf agent thinks he is tougher than need REFLEXES! Looked complete nitwit Hope one day agent will start being nice again to ens Arf blossy is doing alright She's a busy person which helps! However pending case re serious crime against agent has been in jeapordy Due to agents lack of capacity to cope with cross examinations Hmmm Very tough But the plods are keen to get their person and so are working hard to try differing tactic En1 is about to go out for constitutional
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Post by oysterbabe on Jan 23, 2014 8:32:24 GMT
Seeing Dame Margot was a joy! Other divisions of FRF and ARF en's were there plus assorted high ranking scum and scue personnel. Lots of head nodding and I was making furious notes throughout. The bio chemistry was fascinating and by end my brain was fit to burst. Arriving home in jolly refreshed state I started recounting to en2 who scoffed and pah'd and rolled his eyes when I suggested maybe better natural chemical tactics for division to adopt. Felt bit deflated after that. Ho hum.
Agent Cockle is in big doo do with numptie hq so was not given pass for division visit. He communicated via talking device and sounded so sad. I used mega amounts of empathy and suggested lying low so he could obtain pass for weekend visit. No idea if message successful. Brainwasher to see him Friday to ascertain levels of wobble. Good vibes needed please.
over and out.
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Post by peartree on Jan 23, 2014 22:58:30 GMT
Hope nosh was of suitable standard En1 pear tree has gift from one agent Arf partridge has not managed it It's all a conspiracy Much in the way of tears Stropping And not from en1 En1 felt sorry for agent. en2 says en1 is a mug. The arf blossom is most stable ens have ever seen This has lead to HAPPY BIRTHDAY text And gifts over weekend En2 has suggested that arf partridge buys en1 gift and gets home with it pdq in the morning Very interested in position of scouting honour in camp t ANd wonder if the arf and scouting are a match made in heaven Scouting is very exciting Sneaking about and pouncing... Most arfish Arf partridge informs en that he can tell lies and no one will know Especially In job interviews This 'genius idea' is because he's worked hard on not looking up to the left when lying in the mirror En1 has pointed out that actually staring ahead like a eejit might be counterproductive in interview! Lol Much love to all camps x
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Post by aprilshowers on Jan 24, 2014 14:24:28 GMT
Calendar camp reporting in to wish beloved leader a happy birthday. Although 2 thirds ARF less they still are causing mayhem and disruption, but it is now for others to sort, en can only do what she can do...which is not a lot. Agent Flight is still lurking around so aka agent lurkio has at least printed off his cv and given it out to some local businesses, he still will not sign on or consider further training, but one out of three is better than what we had before...although en1 could have been a bit kinder when he said that Large Up Market Dept Store were looking for staff and he would probably get that job...what came out of e mouth was not really meant for agents ears but luckily cavalry auntie was there to save the day with some sound advice about how hard it is to get jobs.
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Post by peartree on Jan 25, 2014 11:01:45 GMT
Oh woe Oh woe
Order the ashes On with the sack cloths
Agent partridge has discovered that mission 'job interview' was actually VERY HARD INDEED Arf agents are very challenged by lack of self worth Lack of core personality
Arf agent has learned the 'rules' of MUST answer within 3 seconds He knows this as a fact In case ens think otherwise Because then it's too long to answer and it looks like you don't know
He's very upset as he took longer to answer And thought he was actually superlad and could beat any test
There's several interviews and it's a very drawn out process for 15 hrs at the local restaurant chain waiter
O ens he's pale Been sobbing Is in his oldest clothes and hasn't washed etc and his room is a tip
He's utterly crushed and he's not even heard the outcome yet
Trouble is, agent is code 'self assured' because ens think he's a cracking fella and we support him with smiles and interested noises when he's talking. But the interviewer wasn't giving anything away and certainly was t going out of his way to be supportive and warm Agent thinking about JOB FINDING = A BREEZE Being re-evaluated
En1 got PAIR OF SOCKS from arf agent :-)
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Post by peartree on Jan 28, 2014 8:07:13 GMT
Good morning comrades Arf blossom is code 'doing well' and is opting to come out with orchard family at weekend This is for new venture called 'breakfast party' En1s friend is 30 and were taking over restaurant Arf partridge (gobby division) has gone off to bootcamp Declared he's told ens That he's actually off to girlfriends After college This is not true He likes to feel that he has pulled the wool over ens occular equipment He's stinking though this morning and en2 informs me that arf agents bunker requires de fumigation Small pip non agent is off to bootcamp complete with sniffles To her great disappointment that doesn't require 'stay at home' day And does not entitle her to her own helper dog En1 would like to point out that any fire engines passing with 'get wheelchairs out of mud' equipment were no thing to do with en1 and wonder hound
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Post by shadow on Jan 28, 2014 8:48:09 GMT
good luck with onion brigade
were the socks given to our leader clean or crusty?
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Post by peartree on Jan 29, 2014 9:15:42 GMT
Good morning all arf tenders Agent partridge has been off to his girlfriends and MUG is a tattoo I've worn on my forehead in the attempt to assist agent.... However Mug is going to have to be removed as the room and personal looking after self issues have reached horrible levels and chemical warfare suits are on En has (shock!) THROWN AWAY trainers beyond redemption Arf partridge will be very angry But holey Held together with tape and stinky trainers are NOT welcome in the orchard It's trainer apartheid - no religious ones !
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Post by peartree on Jan 29, 2014 9:23:01 GMT
Arf blossy Continues to do well
She really is going on to a level we did not forsee
Arf blossy had a code. VERY BAD time last year. The repercussions are very grim from this. Some evil nasty slimeball harmed our extremely vulnerable young lady She was in a complete mess
But despite her complete mess found the courage to dig up to tell on the slimeball
However comrades it's taken AGES to go through Only now has it got anywhere near the wig wearer but because blossom is ARF and cannot defend in cross examination All is stop
So dear comrades The judiciary are about to face the wrath of a very cross pair of ENs.... Hear the war drums beating ...
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Post by peartree on Jan 30, 2014 7:17:26 GMT
Good morning
The world in the ARF changes very quickly
Arf blossom must have got whiff that the word 'stable' had been used near her! The dreaded communication device rang in the afternoon En1 could hear agent upset in background What horrid horrors could have befallen agent?
Let's play multiple choice:
a) giant pigeons ate tangerines and dolloped on agent blossoms head B) there's a call for retro adverts 'the futures bright, the future is orange' images C) agent thought it was a great idea to allow someone to slap hair dye on the top of her bonse. It turned luminous orange
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Post by oysterbabe on Jan 30, 2014 11:31:06 GMT
A?
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Post by oysterbabe on Jan 30, 2014 11:43:10 GMT
Camp Jollymummy has been through this too recently I recall. The hair dye trauma, luckily male agents of ARF are in the main, unlikely to colour hair but may partake of dyeing others bonces...
Seafood dvn is code Rushed off Feet. Have had three events to attend this week relating to nature of Arf plus two home visits - one by person undertaking hideous task of Find Agent Cockle Something to Do From September aka further education. Also home visit from personage seeking suitability of En1 collecting spondoolies on behalf of ARF agents due to tendency to spend spondoolies on chips, energy drinks, Microsoft points, chips, sweets, nike trainers and chips. He was suitably impressed by en1 and I have passed criteria to spend spondoolies on items that teenage ARF really need like bus passes, train passes and perhaps in future - big gulp - driving lessons.
I must now away to the food tent to buy much needed rations as the food stores are much depleted.
over and out.
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Post by shadow on Jan 30, 2014 13:01:51 GMT
at least if agent does a runner she will be easily spotted
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Post by peartree on Jan 30, 2014 14:39:40 GMT
Camp T certainly worth a try sending arf to routine calming structured things Suggest much application of trampolines and Lego making
It seems to help My arf partridge like origami type things now more than Lego but maybe others like other reassuringly rigid craft
Agent blossom (Belisha beacon corps) is extremely blessed to have nearby cavalry aunty with access to 'you're worth it' products if hair slap beauty
Hair slap beauty in 'chestnut brown' variety pack is more chestnut bronze with shiny overtones in reality on illuminous hair Agent however is much relieved at soothing rub of hair by cavalry aunty and is much happier with the affect
Non arf Pip is being a right pain at bunker times and decided that she has a sniffly cold which requires her to slumber In ens bunker After lots of returns to her bunker position ens were truly cheesed off and waking of nearby Waggy division was NOT appreciated
All ideas for sorting out willful madam BC please inform pear tree orchard- ideally before 7pm
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Post by peartree on Jan 30, 2014 14:40:51 GMT
@seafood division Driving lessons ??
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Post by peartree on Jan 30, 2014 18:52:44 GMT
Operation BRIBERY AND CORRUPTION Non arf Pip has declared it UNFAIR that en1 has helpful Waggy partner to sleep near his basket being next to EN1's side of the marital bunker So comrades En1 likes a challenge of a crafty variety and came up with this Attachment Deleted On a new hot water bottle so far she's dead keen to get into bunker with her very own hot water bottle / helper dogcover
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