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Post by pirate on Dec 24, 2013 22:22:55 GMT
Hello everyone
i sent an email last week to the fellow adopters on my pre adoption course to say happy Christmas, how are you all doing in your adoption journey.
not had one single reply, does that mean the obvious: they are busy with Xmas? Or they have not made it past references hurdle? Our local authority kept banging it home about the contact and bond with each other.
any thoughts?
pirate
xxx
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Post by phoebe on Dec 24, 2013 22:29:12 GMT
Pirate, I expect many are struggling to just keep up this time of year. IT would be great if you could maintain contact, but tbh I have only ever seen 2 of the people since my adoption training course. One was a medic who I bumped into at a hospital appointment, the other I saw at a conference. Don't take it personally, you were brought together under odd circumstances, that doesn't make you friends! x
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Post by gilreth on Dec 24, 2013 22:38:24 GMT
I've had the opposite experience - the 6 couples (bizarre course as 7 married couples on it) who continued are all still in contact and the 5 Mums with children meet up fairly regularly (6th will be added when her daughter is placed). we even had a Mums night out last Friday - ok only 4 out of 6 (including one still in matching process). Does help that I drive past one house when I go anywhere at all - Often that Mum & I go places together during day. We seem to have all gelled and want to keep in touch - the men are all looking forward to us being able to meet as an entire group again (done that 4 times already before any children placed) plus kids. Whether it was just our group worked so well together even though we are a disparate group of people but we certainly keep in touch and intend to keep doing so. Ok 4 couples have (or will have) young children and Sqk falls between the 2 siblings adopted by the other couple but he loves it when we meet up.
plus of course we are all fairly local. Also know some people via our local AUK support group (open to non-members) and if course in my case there is my sister.
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Post by peartree on Dec 25, 2013 0:33:19 GMT
I think it's lovely if it does gel but some just won't
There will maybe be a couple of families that click
We care though :-)
Chat often xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2013 9:15:46 GMT
How disappointing Pirate. I do think that it could be because of Christmas. Everyone gets tied up with rushing around doing last minute preparations. Maybe you'll hear from some of them once the dust has settled. Think as others have said, it just depends on if you gel with some of them or not. If you make and keep one friend out of the group you'll be doing well, that's why joining Auk can help, it gives you to means to meet other adopters and you can suss out who you think you might have something in common with and want to make an effort to stay in touch with. Just because you are all prospective adopters doesn't necessarily mean you will become close friends as you need more in common than just children and good friendships take time and effort to sustain. Have you tried our linking system on the security board to link up with others in your area? Mind you knowing PT already is a huge bonus.  |
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Post by knight on Dec 26, 2013 11:50:02 GMT
Hi Pirate
A while back, I emailed several of the couples from the Prep Course and only had one general reply: maybe because I'm single and there were 7 couples, which is a bit sad because a few of the couples and I gelled really well. I suspect it wasn't helped by the SW/admin who distributed the contact details getting my email address wrong initially so, I wonder how many others' she just got wrong: we might all be there sat wondering why none of the others got in touch ??!! a dot or a dash in the wrong place makes all the difference. I remained in touch with a couple from the Info Evening actually, just hit it off. I have to say that it is really good chatting with someone who is in your immediate area and going through exactly the same as you at the same time, there is something to be said for that but as others have said, we don't all gel. With you, I'm sure it's just that your email came bang in the middle of Christmas; I'm sure you'll hear back soon I'm lucky to be involved in one of the fairly local coffee mornings one of the members here set up and that is super: both for support but just being with others and their families and chatting about normal everyday stuff. Looking forward: it's really good for the AKs to be around each other too. As JMK said, look on the security board and see if there are others in your area. x
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Post by justbserene11 on Dec 26, 2013 12:22:45 GMT
We live in one of the Home Counties and adopted through a VA (which was based in Central London). Although, we liked members of our prep group none of us kept in contact after the course. I have got to know other adopters through attending a adopters toddler groups and have had 'play dates ' with some of the mums who live near to me. Like JMK has said, if you join AUK l know they do local meet ups. I do sympathise, it is annoying when people don't respond....
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Post by pirate on Dec 26, 2013 22:27:35 GMT
Hello everyone,
Interesting thoughts regarding all of your take on gel together after prep course.
Maybe it is me having an unrealistic expectation from others.
I was taught well by my master peartree in being honest and open (which we have always done since the start of our adoption journey).
Away from the prep group I have found out about 1 foster parent from school (went up to her and said I hear that you to fostering!) she out me in touch with another parent I already knew that had adopted (didn't know until she said) another single dad via our sw which turned out I worked with but didn't know he had adopted! And in touch with another man who came to the pre adoption course to talk about his experiences adopting & life after.
I got the impression some people on the course didn't seem chuffed in giving out their email address to stay in contact.
I will have a look and see who is from my neck of the happy land I live in.
Thank you again for taking time to reply.
Pirate
Xxxx
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Post by moo on Dec 30, 2013 8:27:55 GMT
It is such a shame to lose touch...
I was also the only singlie on the course....
I took on the responsibility to keep in touch with everyone.... I think it is important to garner support from folk in similar position... Pas do a bit & we have get togethers at least twice yearly.... But that tends to be once placed....
It is tuff to 'find' others auk do run support groups but in my area ( as in many others ) there is no group & has not been in last 10 years!!
Think you will just have to keep trying them.... Alternatively check out the thread here on these boards 'adopters in my area'....
Good Luck....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by swimchic on Dec 30, 2013 10:45:03 GMT
We were encouraged NOT to become to friendly!!
The thought was that we would all be going to panel at the same time and could possibly be up for the same child.
We kept in touch with one couple who have become really good friends. The rest have all dwindled out. They were nice people but as we were the first to be approved and matched everyone else was behind us and therefore, busy with the matching process.
I wouldn't take it personally.
Swimchic
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soon2be3
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 72 
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Post by soon2be3 on Dec 30, 2013 11:15:01 GMT
We have been really lucky and 4 years on, all meet very regularly. I think one thing that helped was we were all looking at different ages/ number of children so it never felt competitive. In the beginning it was hard work keeping everyone in touch but as we have all had our children placed, friendships have grown. We had a Christmas party with all the children a couple of weeks ago and off to meet 3 of the couples this afternoon when I give talks to prospective adopters I stress the importance of staying in contact. This is kone part if the new process that I do worry about. We had a total of 5.5 days prep so able to start those friendships. Now our LA has 2 days prep and I think this will really impact on the contacts made. To me, those who I went through the process with really understand and have been fantastic support. I really hope that now the madness of Christmas has passes, you will get some email replies. |
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Post by shadow on Dec 30, 2013 11:30:00 GMT
maybe the others don't want to think too much about adoption while going through the home study? Maybe join AUK and go to local meetings if they have them - or find out if there are other groups
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Post by chotimonkey on Dec 30, 2013 13:19:10 GMT
I think it's quite a funny one... In my group we didn't particularly gel, we were friendly but disparate, all emailed a bit when approved and matched, but that was that. I think it's marketed by sw like an nct group, but people are approved and matched at v different times... And sometimes people who are struggling with the process find it difficult to celebrate others good news when they have no idea when their own will happen. Two couples who were v supportive of us during approval found it hard when we were matched immediately... Another had put in an expression of interest for our children (dd1 was in cww)and heard nothing back and never contacted us again.... It's nothing personal to you as a person and all about where they are in the process and how they are finding it and how they need to deal with it.
Don't be disheartened there are lots of lovely adopters, we found once our dds were placed and we met up with others with aks of a similar age we were more on a similar trajectory and if was easier
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Dec 30, 2013 13:40:31 GMT
We didn't keep in touch with anyone from our prep group - didn't even exchange email addresses. TBH, we took a long time being approved and i would've really struggled with seeing people already matched. Interestingly, I haven't met any of them since and I do quite a lot of local networking. i guess my adoption netwrok was made mostly through adopters toddler group, - I don't tend to meet up with people with my kids, but do meet up as adults only.
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Post by daffin on Dec 30, 2013 17:05:28 GMT
We all met up together as a group a couple of times and then have kept in close contact with one couple and a single adopter from our Prep group. They were the people that we had the most in common with - and I now consider them to be really good friends. We have kept in less frequent contact with another couple, too. Two couples dropped out of the process, and one we just didn't get on with that well. I went very quiet on everyone until we were approved though, because we had a bit of a delay, and I would have found it too hard to be jolly about other people's kids.
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arethstar
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 29
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Post by arethstar on Jan 2, 2014 20:27:48 GMT
I found that the corner of the room I was in (we all sat in the same place on the 3 different days - partly human habit, and partly SW saying it made it easier to remember everyone!) stayed in touch with each other. I do wonder if other little cliques formed on the other side of the room or the middle! While we were often mixed up for group work, I guess we still had most opportunity to gel with those near us. With one couple, not only were we getting on well as just ourselves, but our kids shared a foster home and continue to have a lovely friendship now. Placed within a few months of each other too. It's been really lucky how that turned out.
As others have said, Christmas is a chaotic time. People are at different stages in their process. Not everyone gets on with email. Lots of reasons people may not be responding right now but they may do so yet!
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thespouses
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 91
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Post by thespouses on Jan 5, 2014 14:55:01 GMT
I've heard nothing back from all of the people on our prep course (which was in 2009 - I emailed everyone within a month or two, then again when we were matched though that was quite a while later, and finally tried to friend 2 people on FB).
I am in contact with a local family whose AS is the same age as little boy but adopted from the UK, and we meet up occasionally, I found her through our LA post-adoption support, I just missed the adoption playgroup as I didn't get my act together during adoption leave and then it was one of my working days, but it's nice to have contact with a family with a toddler the same age.
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Post by pirate on Jan 5, 2014 15:53:01 GMT
Thank you for your replies Being a parent already, I have a wealth of support - just did what the sw asked!! I look back on the prep course and understand that it was a situation outside of the comfort zone if you like. I'm a friendly person and thought it would work, however some people treated the course as a team bonding training session in a work capacity! More doors have opened up for me in a way that I have support but had discovered this myself! I'm not going to email pkeading for friendships, instead I have new adoption friendships to explore! Pirate Xxx |
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Post by pirate on Jan 14, 2014 23:06:14 GMT
To let you all know, not one of the pre adoption people have been in touch........am I bothered?! No.
Xxx
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Post by moo on Jan 15, 2014 5:54:40 GMT
Aww that is such a shame pirate...
Its their loss!! 
Fear not you have fantastic adoption role models.... Bet they would be very envious if they knew!! 
Xx. moo. Xx
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2014 9:21:01 GMT
With having a friend like Pear Tree already you are well on the way to having support and as Moo said - "It's the others loss" they too might have been able to get advice from the wonderful PT. Onwards and upwards. (You may come across some of them in the future, in a few years time when they are scrambling around looking for support, looking lost, while you have PT and us lot., and others found along the way). |
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