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Post by mudlark on Dec 17, 2013 22:43:37 GMT
Lapwing aged 4 under the bed refusing to come out, angry upset says..the invisible girl wont let me out...she will keep me here FOREVER...
Mummy says...please ask the invisible girl to let you out mummy misses you.
Lapwing screams..She will never let me out, she is stronger than you...I l will NEVER be let out.
Mummy talks fiercly now to the invisible girl instead of Lapwing.
HELLO INVISIBLE GIRL....I SAW YOU OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE TODAY..you looked SAD and LONELY..you wanted to come in but you were SCARED...
Lapwing poked a leg from the bed....
Mummy says... YOU WERE SCARED....
Dishevelled lapwing emerges from under the bed..looking directly at me.... and asked in a quiet voice.. why was she scared mummy?
Mummy says in tragic voice......because she thought NOBODY wantedng HER.... she was sad and lonely...
Lapwing said ...I want her
Mummy said .... Can she come in...can we let her into the house...
Lapwing shouting....YES
ok I say lets shout invisible girl we want you to some in TO OUR HOUSE.... COME IN WE want you.
Lapwing...can she hear us....
Me yes... lets go and open the door
..so we do.. and rhe invisible girl comes in.
Lapwing...Mummy WHERE IS SHE I CANT SEE HER
mummy...she is right there beside you..
Lapwing I CANT SEE HER
Mummy ..she is here she needs us to hold her hand.
Lapwing...I can hold her hand...is she still sad... mummy I feel sad too.....
Mummy.. she is still sad....she thought we didn't want her.....
... and so it went on until lapwing was snuggled up in bed having told me she felt very sad and lonely...but wanted to let the invisible girl share her bed...it was the first time she had looked deeply...very deeply into my eyes....very special...what an amazing little girl |
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Post by lemonade on Dec 17, 2013 22:52:30 GMT
People outside planet adoption just have no idea.
Bless little lapwing sleep well
Love Lemonade xxxx |
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Post by mudlark on Dec 17, 2013 22:57:36 GMT
The invisible girl has saved Lapwing.. we use her to try and build a bridge
she said....are we chatting mummy... and giggled
yes I said we are chatting
mummy I am sad and lonely too...
I know I said....
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Post by serrakunda on Dec 17, 2013 23:15:31 GMT
wow, well done Lapwing and mummy
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Post by phoebe on Dec 17, 2013 23:16:15 GMT
Well done mudlark and lapwing, for finding a brilliant way to connect x
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Post by moo on Dec 18, 2013 6:50:13 GMT
Wow mudlark.... You are amazing.... Well done you how inciteful of you.... Totally hit the spot with lapwing....
My eyes are leaking......
Lifechanging stuff....
Baby steps that so quickly can become leaps of faith.....
Thanx for sharing......
Xx. moo. Xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2013 8:40:30 GMT
WOW - Well done you Mudlark for handling it so well and for recognising what Lapwing was trying to tell you. A lot of people wouldn't have "got that" and would have said "lots of kids have an imaginary friend"! But you know the significance of your DD's invisible friend and I'm sure she will feature in your house quite a lot. How fab that you have already found a way for DD to speak to you about her worries and fears and that you will now be able to talk about the invisible girl when you know your DD is distressed or acting out of character and re-assure the invisible girl that she can live with you forever. 5 stars for you Mum!  |
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Post by sooz on Dec 18, 2013 9:34:16 GMT
Fantastically handled mudlark!
My ds has had an invisible friend (looks like him and has same name) for a few years now. Sometimes invisible friend gets up to lots of mischief, but sometimes he needs looking after and sometimes he's a bit sad and lonely too.
Great way to get a non direct conversation going here.
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flowerpot
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Married Adopter
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Post by flowerpot on Dec 18, 2013 12:13:35 GMT
This is a beautiful post, Mudlark It's an amazing thing when you can communicate at this level and really understand where your LO is coming from. This is something to treasure, to hold onto and enjoy - to look back on and remember. Thank you for sharing this. |
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Post by ceci on Dec 18, 2013 14:08:13 GMT
Oh Mudlark. So many times I wish I had taken more time to work out what my little girl was trying to tell me instead of reacting. Keep doing what you're doing - it will make all the difference.
Ceci
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Post by jollymummy on Dec 18, 2013 22:13:59 GMT
Mudlark - how fantastic. I think you have been amazing. What a lucky little girl to have such an insightful mum xx
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Post by smileycat on Dec 18, 2013 22:24:07 GMT
Oh Mudlark, your post took me right back to the early days of placement with DD, she would do similar via a cuddly toy. It seemed to be a safe way for her to express her confusion and fear..
Well done you :-)
Love,
SC x x
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Post by mudlark on Dec 18, 2013 22:48:32 GMT
well thank you for positive comments ...its so reassuring as this is not what most mummies experience ...and I am out of my comfort zone but getting used to the new climate!
the Invisible girl was in and out of the house today and then this evening a work of art appeared.
Lapwing..Mummy I want to draw with your biro.
A picture of the invisible girl appeared followed by huge storm clouds...rain..BLACK SCRIBBLES
then a house drawn round the IG
then 4 windows
window one at the top...That's me and Peewit looking out at the Invisble girl
Window 2 downstairs....That tiny face is dad looking out
Window 3 upstairs....that's mummy.. LOOK AT HER..
Me...what is she doing...
Lapwing...she's coming down stairs to let the invisible girl in...
lapwing scribbling away furiously... mummy that's a rainbow...in her black biro picture she found a red and yellow pen and made a rainbow.it was an intense bit of colour in her black art work
At bed time...Lapwing was sad thrashing around.. when I just left her then came back after 2 minutes and stroked her she immediately calmed and said.....Mummy tomorrow I might be happy....
We heard her growling later.... calling in her growling voice for invisible girl...and invisible boy...
I have the feeling this is the tip of the iceberg.............
I am feeling nervous it feels like I am going right into this little girls soul
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Post by moo on Dec 19, 2013 3:09:49 GMT
{{Hugs to you mudlark}}
I know how scarey this is.... But you are handling it all so well..... Go with the flow she is telling you lots that she needs to get out....
Trust your gut.... It has lead you on so well thus far.... If these feelings continue maybe chat them over with pas, GP or any who you think will truly ' get ' inner lapwing.... It really is o.k. To feel out of your depth....
Drawing is good... Be sure to keep the pictures safe so you can re- visit them in the future... As they say they are your signposts to inner lapwing...
Good Luck... Keep posting you are doing great.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2013 8:44:29 GMT
Yes it is hard Mudlark, but it is fantastic that she feels safe enough to let all this turmoil out.
You are obviously in tune with her and she wants you to help her sort out all theses feelings. I would advise you to keep a diary of these events to record it all, so that if and when she has play therapy you can explain to the therapist how her feelings have developed. Keep the pictures too.
Do discuss it with your SW. It is really early days and fantastic that she is sharing all of this with you, but you are not a trained therapist and you may find you need help with this if it continues or escalates out of your comfort zone, but you sound as if you are doing amazingly well at the moment.
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Post by mudlark on Dec 19, 2013 21:56:24 GMT
I am out of my comfort zone...the intensity of Lapwings need is almost overwhelming, but today she did several amazing things.
Lapwing...What about the invisible mummy and daddy, they are outside... CAN THEY CME IN...CAN THEY SLEEP in your bed
Me... Hmmmmm maybe there is not enough room...maybe they could sleep in daddy's shed and we could take them out food.
Lapwing...ok...why does everyone look different...but why does my hair and face look like XXX ( birth mummy) did God make me this way...is god real...why doesn't he answer me when I ask him...does the invisible girl like the invisible boy....
Peewit pipes up....I am not invisible boy...he in my bed....mummy not invisible she here , I can touch her..as he grabs my arm...
Me....my goodness I really need to get a grip on how far you let all this go. I will speak to our funded therapist tomorrow and get her view... I know all this is brilliant... but its scary to deal with as I am unsure about what is the best safest most positive direction to lead their healing into.. Invisible girl boy parents...Lapwing also mentioned other invisible cousins!! I know she is asking is it ok that she bring her entire past into the house, can I deal with it... I can...but is it healthy to have her BM AND BF sleeping in our garden!
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Dec 20, 2013 9:17:08 GMT
Sounds like you're doing brilliantly - really glad for you that you have a therapist working with you.
Does sound exhausting though - be sure to try and fit in something for you - preferably something where your brain can switch off.
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