Difference of opinions with half siblings adopted parents

Of course not! I expect we all feel like that to varying degrees at various times.

I feel particularly unforgiving around the time of letterbox and also at trigger times for my children.

I woudn't change my children for the world - but I'd change what they have been through in a heartbeat.

We spent many years not forgiving birth mum. She had 6 wonderful children who had to be separated and we'll never forget the trauma of the early days of social services interventions which we were involved in because we are related. For us, as time went on and we settled down as a family, those feelings become less about anger against the birth parents and more about sadness for the children who could not grow up together.

Birth mum drank heavily through all of her pregnancies and didn't eat properly but none of the children suffer with FAS.

personally I do have sympathy for Simba's birth family. His birth mum was dreadfully abused and witnessed something horrific, her mum died when she was 8, then passed round relatives and in and out of care, she never really stood a chance of looking after herself, let alone looking after a baby, Neither of them set out to deliberately harm Simba, they were just both very inadequate. Simba was known to social services before birth, they should have stepped in earlier than they did. Dad has turned his life around, she hasnt been able to, I cant see a happy ending for her

I do however understand why lots of adoptive parents don't feel like this, so much depends on the history of the individual child

I think Serrakunda says it so well, it completely depends on the individual child's circumstances.

I have absolutely no animosity towards my DD's BM. She has mental health problems and cannot help that. She didn't drink, or do drugs, or harm, or abuse DD's in any shape or form. She loved them dearly, but simply could not look after them, and this is why I can think kindly of her.

If my DD's were with me as a result of abuse or neglect or in-utero damage then that would be a very different matter. I don't think I could bring myself to forgive a mother who deliberately put her baby at risk and I don't think I would regard her in the same light at all.

What is important though, is to not let this animosity, or dare I say it hatred seep out so that your child is aware of this, as this will effect how your child sees them self. If your child picks up from you that his/her BP's were bad people, then by default he/she will feel he/she is inherently a bad person.

I think as adults we do have to be careful how we talk about the BP's and we have to try and remain dispassionate about how they lived their lives, the choices they made etc, otherwise we are at risk of letting our views effect how our children view themselves and their worth. So reigning in our own valid feelings of anger and resentment against the people who have damaged our children and caused a lot of their problems is really important, and I would advise anyone who is struggling with this to get some counselling to try and work this through with a trained professional.

At the end of the day, none of this is your childs fault. They are the innocent victims of bad parenting choices and they are the ones who don't deserve any blame for feckless irresponsible birth parent choices, and when they are displaying difficult or agressive behaviours, we must remember this, it's not their fault and not take it personally.

Its such a mixed bag isn't it?

I feel sorry for BM to a certain point. However when Pink says "that Mummy x heroin was more important than me" I feel angry. Angry that my beautiful, bright, funny daughter has witnessed things that NOBODY should witness and the amount of support and money that has been given to her whilst we are just about making ends meet.

I feel so sorry for Pinks siblings who have been split up into separate foster homes and have more issues that CAMHS will ever be able to sort. They didn't ask to be brought into this situation.

I'M grateful that SS placed her with wonderful foster carers that cared about her and gave her the stability and love that she deserved.

And everyday ( even when she is being a diva!) I feel blessed that we are a forever family and that she is home with us. We couldn't love her anymore than we do..

Afraid I feel very little for my children's birth families.  My half sibs are 2 of 8 not counting the terminations, my middly is one of 6.  Both families have a veeeeeeery long history of SS involvement and have had thousands and thousands spent on them.  Money that, frankly, could have been better spent supporting their children post removal.

They didn't have one or two chances to put someone else's needs first; they had countless opportunities.  Yes they have poor backgrounds, yes there was substance abuse but we all have to make choices.  And making bad ones over and over means screwing up your children. Not just your own life.

My children are the ones who have to live with the consequences of their poor choices.