Answering difficult questions..death, god etc!

Ah Mudlark.... my Mum died several hers before DD was placed. DD knows this as we visit DH's Mother so the question is where is your Mummy. I tell her she is in Heaven with God and Jesus. She asks why. So I say there was a problem with her body that the Dr's couldn't fix. Will you die Mummy, no darling not for a long time. I don't have the problem my Mummy did and nor do you.
I told her/tell her that she doesn't need to worry and that I am not worried. I remind her that Great Nanny and Great Grandma are in their 90's. She asks how old will I be when I die so I say maybe I will be 200, then I said how old I am.
I say all of this smiling and calmly.
And yes, it's always before bed. my answers seem to be what she wants and then she always moves on to something silly in seconds e.g can I watch Charlie and Lola tomorrow?!!!!!

I do have strong faith and belief In God. So I am happy and comfortable telling her what I believe. I also feel that it's important to be as honest as you can be. My Mum died of cancer, it's very sad. I've told her that it's sad. She has asked do I miss her and I say very very much. But I've told her that my Mum would of loved her to bits and that makes DD smile.

My feeling is that if we are okay to talk about stuff it takes a lot of the worry and anxiety away.

Hope this helps.

Love,

SC x x

I get lots if this from Starlet too. She also experienced bereavement in the foster family and is therefore quite clued up about death. She constantly asks when I will die, who in our family will die and "would you be sad if I died mummy". I stumbled accidentally on something helpful the other day which I would never have dreamt of doing - we went to a carol service and had to walk through the old cemetery to get there. She was absolutely fascinated and I think it gave us a chance to talk about death in a very normal, non emotional context. I chose graves "at random" to work out how old people were when they died so she could see it was older people. We also looked at some beautiful floral arrangements that had been left recently, which very naturally led into talking about how people feel when someone dies and how nice it was that they could leave flowers and come to such a lovely place to think about the person who had died. Since then she hasn't mentioned it...

Hello Mudlack

I have experience in answering awkward questions kids ask!
My bd went through a stage of asking if I would see her from heaven when I die /can your nanny and grandad see me from heaven (sadly they died before she was born).
Hubby and I answer age appropriately but honestly because that was a decision we made from the start - honesty is the best policy!

We have been honest with our adoption journey because it involves her as well, she knows it's not a yes or know at this stage, an on going process - we chat to her about where we are at in relation to what is happening.....she happy!!!

I grew up with my mum fobbing me off about any info regarding my dad, I found via my grandparents. I made contact with him years later age 29 years old via yellow pages but sadly we have nothing in common however feel complete and at peace for finding missing pieces in the puzzle.

The latest question is why do boys have Willys mummy?!! a little girl at school keeps on and on about male parts.
Pirate
Xxxx

Good morning

What An inquisitive little soul.
Good she's talking about things + not bottling it
Much more healthy than many

Pip is 6 and as a faith family we do believe that there's heaven awaiting
The point being, although we are sad, the person who has died is in a place with no pain or tears
Now she's 6 we've explained everybody dies, it's part of life and we all love and support eachother when we feel sad about it.
We've found story books a help for her processing things
Goodbye mog
Grandpa by John Birmingham
Badgers parting gift

The one I've got and used with our ac is 'the goodbye boat' it's a gentle one where you haven't had chance to say goodbye

The day the sea went out and never came back by Margot Sunderland
Was a very helpful book too

This is such a hard one. My LO has asked this and I usually answer honestly and say 'yes, you will die as everyone does, but gosh darling not for ages and ages, and only after a long and happy life as that's when most people die, when they are old and have done the things they wanted to do'. She seems to be okay with this sort of answer, though sometimes asks about children dying, or accidents. She's very obsessed with me or DH dying, asking us not to, it's all part of her feeling out the world around her and her anxieties about loss.

We are not a faith family, so I tend to talk in terms of the positives people have left behind when they die: lovely memories for others, children, beautiful gardens or other things they have made, important things they've done, adventures they've had, the love they've shared, etc. With questions about God I say 'some people believe' - and of course it's the nativity etc at the moment so there's a lot of that about. If she says 'do you believe in God' then I am honest and say no, but so and so does (ie a close friend or neighbour), and talk positively about it, and the Christian principles that I do believe in, we talk about kindness and community, which she likes and she starts to offer examples of what she can do for people.... 

This has been a hot topic around here for a couple of months. Always at night!

I have no faith so do the 'some people believe' thing.
I say that I'm old and my mummy is still around, so yes people do die but not usually until they are very old.

He said 'I don't want to die mummy and I don't want you to die' so we made a pact that neither of us will for a very long time.

It's hard, and of course all this was before my recent diagnosis! But I'm beating that one for a good while, I've decided!!

Thank you all your answers have been inspirational! Lapwing is amazingly inquisitive. Is Jesus real, can he hear me...she is so highly anxious and vulnerable. Today she made a Christmas card for Mary and Jesus, we put a stamp on it and addressed it to The Stable (the stamp was a Christmas stamp and had a picture of Mary and Jesus on it) lapwing asked why was Joseph not on the stamp.... I was not prepared for such intelligent questions....but everyone is right honesty is the best policy.