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Post by ham on Dec 9, 2013 15:31:55 GMT
after 3 years of somehow mainlining his job he was given his notice today. he has a months notice to work but as he has accommodation with his job he will also be homeless. HIs employers have bent over backwards to accommodate him and he has just thrown it in there faces. Goodness knows how many final warnings he has been on and now he expects me to pick up the pieces. Maternal instinct kicks in and says yes but I will not live with his violence etc. and ds2 is scared of him. Plus he no longer has a bedroom here. he is in debt has a mega phone/tablet contract so goodness knows what he is going to do have given him some info but I think he thinks he will just waltz back into the home. Just scared about what will happen but at 22 he has to take responsibility for his own action. I will be the scum of the earth so must remember to have my non committal head on but how do you say 'that sounds like a plan when his plan is to come home.  |
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Post by shadow on Dec 9, 2013 18:25:48 GMT
you cant have him home - can you help him get supported living?
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enid
Bronze Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 75 
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Post by enid on Dec 9, 2013 19:53:13 GMT
gosh, that will be tough and they don't get housing benefit now till 25 yrs old. Put a time scale on him staying if you can. x
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Post by jollymummy on Dec 9, 2013 19:57:42 GMT
Oh, Ham, how difficult for you. I cannot remember whether he has any support who will be able to help him get accommodation. if he is violent then you cannot have him home, as you say, but I expect it will be difficult. xx
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Post by peartree on Dec 10, 2013 8:38:25 GMT
Oh no
You knew this day would come
But you know reaping what you sew is part of being a grown up and at 22 that's what he is (albeit a vulnerable young and volatile one)
No one should live under threat of violence
As you've 'seperated' from the violent person (ds) can the domestic violence charities now help you?
I know they won't when living with the violent person
But now- they may well support you in saying no.
Pear tree
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2013 11:43:33 GMT
I agree with Toko Ham, once he is home you won't be able to get him to leave.
Can you take some legal advice.
You simply cannot risk any violence and the effect on your other children not to mention yourself.
Hugs to you xx
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Post by ham on Dec 10, 2013 14:50:26 GMT
thank you all.
he says his mental health team are supporting him. Not sure I believe him or if they are - will he actually take up their suggestions.just so much going on when I get 5 minutes must make time to ring a few people.
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Post by damson on Dec 11, 2013 16:46:40 GMT
From my experience, I would not let him come back to live with you. It only stores up another cycle of grief, and maybe some injuries, physical and/ or emotional for the rest of you.
If he can work, then the solution may be a residential job in catering. If he is being sacked from one already, get him to move during the notice period.
Christmas is mega busy season for hotels.
Curiously, they don't care much about references - he can have no references at all, and still get a job.
Once onsite, he has to work or they will sling him out like the last employer.
Let the mental health team do the support into employment bit, and take an absolute back seat.
A ruthless further upside of a hotel job is that he will be working at Christmas.
It takes troubled young men time to learn
a)it is worth having a job
b)it is worth keeping that job, even if you don't like it, till you have your next job
c)it is worth doing the job well and getting promoted
d)if I want adult rights, I have adult responsibililies, and part of that is working.
Fortitude! You managed this last time, stick to your guns.
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