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Post by annie70 on Nov 20, 2013 20:59:29 GMT
A brief update here as I managed to book somewhere to stay without wifi and we only have one phone with signal and limited data...
So, yesterday was planning meeting (which went well) and first meeting... Zippy was just like Zippy from Rainbow - you have never seen a more hyper child (well maybe you lot have!) but it was totally freaky to be honest and we were shellshocked for about 3 hours afterwards... he led the meeting, showed up his room and his toys in a manic fashion and then proceeded to clamber all over us and make us smell his feet repeatedly... when the SW and FC left the room he quickly told us about missing his birth mum, his friends in the close, about an injury he had had as a baby (which was in his CPR), about hearing voices and about the scary place in his head when he goes to sleep... you can imagine how freaked we were! Both the FC and his SW have not moved a child on to adoption before so we spoke to our SW this morning and apparently the voices and the scary place are common in children who are trying to love new parents but feeling torn about letting the old ones go... we are happy to chat about his BF and about missing them so we took it all in our stride - and he seemed happy with all of that...
Day 2 - today - and we met BD. That went very well - he told us about favourite memories and cried - and I cried with him - and we chatted about the rest of the family ... we can see such a massive resemblance in personality and actually that's not a bad thing - dad was not the problem...
Then we went to FC house and Zippy wanted to watch a DVD but that seemed to be more about not having to talk loads so when he lost interest and wanted to chat about stuff and play other games that was great... we made a model and did some painting anad made some DVDs of him leading play and making it up to camera as he went along and he loved it... then after tea we took him to his evening group in our car (first time in our car) and he talked some more about his birth family (we were alone for the first time that day and he is obv. trying to tell us about himself in quick bursts!) and we listened and made good noises and he was fine... he is also talking about 'when I come and live at your house...' which we think is great... and I forgot to say that yesterday we asked what he wanted to call us and he said 'mum and dad' and he introduced us as such to neighbours today...
This is the freakiest, most incredible and mental thing we have ever done but we are looking forward to tomorrow when we have more time at FC house and will take new lego we have for him... only known him for 5 hours and already feel right...
Sorry for the short post - dinner is ready and wine is poured... hope to post tomorrow
Lots of love, Annie, Mr Annie (needs a new name perhaps?) and Zippy xxx
Lots of smiley faces here tonight - so much calmer (all of us) than yesterday
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Post by taliesin on Nov 20, 2013 23:00:44 GMT
Wow Annie....feeling shell shocked myself just reading this so can only imagine how drained you must feel! Sending you and 'Bungle' (only other Rainbow character can think of at mo!) and Zippy lots of warm thoughts and thinking of you........ xx
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connect4
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
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Post by connect4 on Nov 20, 2013 23:42:00 GMT
What an emotional roller coaster ride! Intros and seeing BD. you must be exhausted or living on adrenaline. Zippy seems quite articulate and knows how he feels and feels comfortable enough to tell you. That's great. Our boy was 6 when he came to us. He still grieves for his BM and his half sister. Good luck for tomorrow. I hope you are in bed by now!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2013 8:28:24 GMT
Oh wow, sounds like you had a busy time with Zippy. Looking forward to reading more today. Love Tali's suggestion of the name Bungle for Mr.Annie
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Post by moo on Nov 21, 2013 9:31:27 GMT
WoW....
I'm with tali & Jmk Mr Annie is now affectionately proposed as Bungle....
Yep great that he is able to tell you so much about 'himself' in his own words... It is good that he can 'feel' & then explain.....I hope when he settles a bit it won't be so full on for you you must be shattered.....
Thanx for the post really looking forward to part two.... Just love the adrenalin rush of intros!!!!
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by sivier on Nov 21, 2013 10:33:28 GMT
Annie That all sounds incredible, amazing and quite a whirlwind! Good luck with the days ahead, and I'm sure LO will love the lego. He sounds fab.
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Post by annie70 on Nov 21, 2013 17:52:42 GMT
Hi everyone Another knackering day but things seem calmer by the day which is great! Today we went in the morning to FC house and stayed an extra 2 hours on top of the schedule so we are just 'home'... When we got there FC was not back yet so we waited in the car until they came so we could greet Zippy from the car... never seen a child get out of a seatbelt so fast!!! He ran up to us both and hugged us and said 'hi new mum and dad' and the neighbours who we had been previously introduced to and had been chatting to outside cried! Zippy took us in and showed us a computer game he loves - it was boys stuff really so I chatted to FC and an older FC in the kitchen and she told us about what he had been saying after we left him last night (all very positive) and we planed what we would do with out next couple of days... The lego and the computer games were more Bungles thing (thanks for the name guys!) and so it was really him who did most of the interaction today - which was fine I ducked in and out and involved myself by taking videos on my phone which Zippy loves - and he wanted to see them back and the ones we had done yesterday... so I didn't feel left out... we did the most complicated lego together as a team when FC went to collect other kids from school and Zippy said 'it's nice to have some quiet time as a family' and told us he loved us We told him we loved him too and I cried happy tears - which seemed to make him even happier! He says he is looking forward to coming to live with us - and he throws in references to previous FCs and BF and we say it's fine to be happy and sad about moving on and that we can remember everyone who he has loved in his life (he does talk about having a lot of love for everyone... and everywhere he goes and says his goodbyes he has everyone in tears!) At lunchtime we made his favourite thing which is an omelette designed by him... with any ingredients from the fridge that are available and his own secret special ingredients! he taught us how to make it with him and then we all ate it together (and I washed up!!!)... He is loving all the attention and really thriving on it... the FCs other children are in and out as well so essentially we are playing with / chatting to all of them but it makes for a lovely warm feeling and keeps it all low key and relaxed and sometimes we go up to his room for a bit of Zippy only time when he wants to... The day ended with us staying longer so we could read a book with him and then a sleepy cuddle before tea on the sofa So for the past 3 days we have been letting him lead the play completely and he is loving it... tomorrow we are going out to a garden centre with FC and F Baby so we can all get out of the house... he is not keen but apparently he would just 'stay in with us forever' if he could! We will need to turn it around a bit tomorrow and keep him safe in a busy environment but we think between the 2 of us and with the FC there we will be fine and it will be fun... Saturday we take him out for the first time just the 3 of us so trying to figure out where we can go which won't be heaving with people... hopefully it will snow and then we can go for a walk and make a snowman! That's it for today - very very tired and we are on breakfast shift tomorrow so dinner at the local pub and then early bed... not sure which I think would be better - intros far from home where you have no home luxuries or entertainment (or chores) or pantry ...or the comfort of my own bed and my things around me but then the house would need sorting before we brought him home and actually, it's done already which is a relief over and out! Axx
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 21, 2013 20:59:09 GMT
Wow! Zippy sounds fantastic!
Really interesting to read that about the voices and the scary place, I've never heard that before but it makes a lot of sense. I personally love that he's telling you how important all his previous carers are to him because it shows he's taken in the move to you.
I love all these intro diaries!!
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Post by happyone on Nov 21, 2013 21:14:58 GMT
Fantastic to read xxx don't forget to look after yourself xxx
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Post by moo on Nov 21, 2013 21:23:22 GMT
Yay Annie just loving your intros....
Full on but what a fab boy you have there!!! He sounds overjoyed at having a new mummy & daddy....
Great that he feels he can share with you about all his ' other' houses.... I think it shows he is keen to move on & it hopefully will mean that he will in a short time be able to reflect on things that happened where.... All very healthy....
Good Luck at the garden centre don't go rash buying a triffid!! Maybe farmer Christmas May be in residence!!!
Looking forward to tomorrows installments....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by kstar on Nov 21, 2013 22:01:22 GMT
How exciting! So much reminds me of Starlet's early days :-)
Can't wait to read more xxx
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Post by taliesin on Nov 22, 2013 0:07:28 GMT
Can honestly say I still have tears in my eyes reading Zippy saying "....quiet time as a family..." and loving people...Annie, he sounds such a loving little lamb..... and tbh is a jolt for me to remember why we're doing this...because he so deserves to be loved and be part of a loving and safe family. Bless you all my lovely xxxx
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Post by knight on Nov 22, 2013 8:17:45 GMT
Ahh Annie, very early days but sounds like it's going swimmingly, all very positive. Love reading these diaries: brought 2 bouts of tears to my eyes, very sweet. Enjoy the rest of intros as I'm sure you will x
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Post by lilka on Nov 22, 2013 17:04:35 GMT
Love reading this, so glad to hear things are going so well Also can't wait to hear more, hope the rest of intros are also amazing
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Post by esty (archive) on Nov 22, 2013 18:37:50 GMT
lilka I have sent you a PM
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Post by vickyvixen on Nov 22, 2013 19:31:11 GMT
Had to wipe my eyes reading this - so lovely... Just wanted to say thanks for sharing it and I'm looking forward to the next instalment. Enjoy tomorrow too.
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Post by annie70 on Nov 22, 2013 19:42:56 GMT
evening!
tbh I am too knackered and emotional to be able to do a proper update tonight - we have spent the last few hours writing later life letters for Zippy and it has taken it out of us... will try and do one in the morning before we take him out on our own...
Quote for today: "you are so never gonna forget this Christmas... you've never had a proper Christmas before because you've never had any kids"... Zipped aged 6 1/2
Axx
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Post by daisy1985 on Nov 23, 2013 7:31:28 GMT
Sounds amazing Annie and its bringing it all back to me!
I'm catching up on reading the boards whilst Donald has took the boys down stairs!
I have tears rolling onto my pillow, zippy sounds adorable and you and bungle sound besotted... Perfect
That last quote should be framed! Xx
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Post by moo on Nov 24, 2013 7:24:24 GMT
Wow Annie he's spot on amazing.... Try & get to pamper yourself & rest in between Ha like you have time!! Can't wait for update.... Well done.... Hope Bungle is hanging on tight to the rollercoaster.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by annie70 on Nov 25, 2013 0:01:53 GMT
Hello! I am still here! We are still going strong although I can't post much as we have such limited internet access and we are soooo knackered! Intros are going well - I have some notes I will be able to types up as a proper diary once we have proper wifi at home at the end of the week. We are having an amazing time and Zippy's Fcs are so lovely and welcoming we have been spending most of our time with their family at their house so we have barely been at our rental... it's fantastic for Zippy - and for our ability to learn his routines - but extra knackering as we have had little time to ourselves at what we have had we have had to spend talking about our approach to the next day... Zippy has been testing me quite a lot - being dismissive and a bit rude so we have had to start asserting our 'parentness' to him and he does respond well!!! Bungle is is favourite as Bungle is good at computer games and experiments (making fart putty!) but tomorrow we are swapping roles so that Bungle does the 'we have to do this now / stop doing that and sit up at the table etc'... hopefully it will stop him trying to divide us and pigeon-hole our roles... We took Zippy to our proper house today with his FC and he loved it - the journey was 3 hours each way and he was fab in the car - I sat in the back and we had lots of cuddles and kisses and he took it all in his stride... he loves his room and the garden and we took most of his stuff as it is only 4 sleeps until he comes to live with us and he wanted his things to be there waiting The only downer was that we arrived to a letter offering to buy our garden (pretty much all of it) as the gardens either side have been sold to developers... we don't want to sell (and can't live in a house without a garden) so it looks like we might have to sell the house as soon as we get back to avoid living on a building site and losing tens of thousands off the value of our house... what do they say? When you adopt a child they need permanence and you should try not to move house for a couple of years... could not have come at a worse time... The next few days we will have Zippy here for most of the day and take him back for bedtime routine and then on Thursday we take him home with us forever he is soooo up for it and there will be tears but we think we will all be okay... we wrote him a letter via FC to tell him how much we had fallen in love with him the moment we saw his picture and how our love for him has been growing and growing... he said it melted his heart That's it for tonight I am afraid - I do feel like I am letting the side down by not posting more right now but we have been blessed with a foster family who have invited us completely into their lives and we have embraced that for Zippy's sake (plus we really like them) so I have no energy or time left in the day! I'll post what I can over the next few days and more next weekend when we have landed! Thanks for all your support - it means so much Axx
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Post by moo on Nov 25, 2013 5:47:05 GMT
Ooohhhh well done annie..... Things sound amazing.....
Don't fret about us we all know how completely knaโฌยฅering intros are... You seem to be lucky with your f/c.... So he is pigeon holing & pushing at a boundary or two.... Sounds totally normal to me... Well done you for having strategys planned already...
Sad about your garden & the building mind you that means your garden is worth twice what the other gardens are worth!!! Prolly be many more houses.... Might be increasing your places worth!!!! I know building land is very highly priced especially if it is a pivotal land & would mean a lot more houses for the developer.... Timing so carp as you say....
So soon now before you return home.... Can't wait to hear more when you are better rested & home...
well done all seems absolutely fabulous.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2013 7:57:41 GMT
Sounds like you and Bungle are doing fab. Taking turns to be the "baddie" is excellent, he needs to know that both mum and dad can say no and you don't want him thinking Bungle is the fun one all the time, although I do want that fart putty recipe when you've got a moment, for me that is I love it! Splitting is soooo common amongst adopted children and you two sound like you've cracked it. It's great when the FC makes you feel welcome, makes a huge difference to intro's which are stressful at the best of times. Do you believe us now about how tiring they are, both emotionally and physically? It does get easier when you are on your own turf and in your own routine, not to mention sleeping in your own bed, but do remember that it will all be strange and different for Zippy when he comes home to yours, and he will feel a bit like you are feeling now, with everything different and everything new, so bear that in mind as he is presently on his own home turf. Regarding selling up, yes the timing couldn't be worse could it? But maybe, as Zippy is older and understand more than a LO, you could explain to him that all 3 of you need to look at buying a new house for you all to live in together and that you will need his help to chose the perfect forever home for you all. You could explain that you wanted a place that was all of yours, and not just yours and Bungles. If he is involved and has a say in choosing the new house t will help him realise that he is going to be part of your future family and if handled well, and I'm sure you will, it could actually be a good thing for him. Keep enjoying getting to know your fabulous little man. He sounds gorgeous and the fact that he is so good at expressing his feelings is a wonderful start and great indicator for the future.
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Nov 25, 2013 9:36:29 GMT
Sounds fab. Just wanted to reiterate JMKs response re moving. We moved 2 years post placement and it had a massive impact in how the girls feel. (We belong together, and all moving together). Can be a positive thing. Someone I know sold theirs for a housing estate - she also got them to build a 2 bed house for her adult son (with some LD) as part of the deal. Don't accept their first offer!
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Post by taliesin on Nov 26, 2013 21:11:16 GMT
Think Im in love with your Zippy, Annie Just read out his latest about you not having had a 'proper xmas' to Mr T, and we both 'proper' laughed out loud!!!! Take care matey xxxx
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Post by happyone on Nov 26, 2013 21:55:43 GMT
Beautiful and what an amazing young man is zippy
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Post by annie70 on Nov 27, 2013 23:15:23 GMT
Hands off Tali - he's mine!!! So I'm back... Bungle has gone to bed feeling poorly - at least he got to the end of intros and we can go home tomorrow - yay! I have been feeding him echinacea and Vit c and zinc but our vegetable / salad intake has been low due to eating at pub / FCs and with Zippy who won't touch veg! But as Zippy told us today, only one more sleep and no more days until you get to be parents Yes we said, and we are really looking forward to it. To which he replied 'and you have been waiting a long time to be a mum and dad haven't you?'... to which we replied 'yes, and we have been on a course to learn how to be good parents, had lots of meetings and done lots of paperwork'. 'Well I think you're going to pass your course and be very good' he said The last few days have been a blur... not really sure where I got to earlier and can't be a*sed to read now so here's a snapshot! Day 1: planning meeting and then meeting Zippy - petrified and couldn't listen to the meeting much at all! We got to FCs and Zippy led us to his room and told us all about what he likes and dropped in a few scraey bits about what goes on in his head (when no-one else was in the room)... obviously a test! Day 2: Meeting with BF followed by 4 hours with Zippy at FCs... BF very nice and we can see where Zippy gets some of his traits - nice ones... cried with BF ... made to feel very welcome at FCs - made own tea and coffee, played with other F baby and then birth children when they got home... Zippy still a bit anxious and hyper but getting on well... Day 3: much of the same - took lego and made dvds of us cooking together... Zippy getting the 1:1 attention he craves and being bossy Day 4: we did breakfast and bath in the morning... in hindsight we did it all wrong - both of us trying to do everything with him so he played up and go too excited! Went out with FC and F baby - probably our least fave day as FC drove and it was some distance so still no control for us... we went to a garden centre and played in playground, looked at animals and fish (we will get a fish tank in January now!) and had lunch... Zippy super-bored with looking around the shop but we got a box of farty science experiments and a pop-up poo book so all was good in the end. We did some experiments back at the house and he loved it. Day 5: went to local countryside park for a walk... this was a challenge - he had been there before with BD so we had to check it was the same place and talk about his trips with dad... the walk was lovely though and he was calm and held our hands... then we went to the playpark and he made 3 friends instantly... one was an older girl who was a bad influence and took him on the older playground! When we insisted he came into the cafe with us he tried to get past me and carry on playing so we had to be firm and he sulked! After half an hour we were having a drawing competition on a blackboard and he was marking it - I drew a heart with his initial and I got lots of points... Bumble drew a sunset like we had seen from the car the day before and got points and I drew the fluffy owl we had brought for him on day 1 (and was in our video) and I won! We went back to FCs and the whole family went to the pub for tea and then we all went back to watch tv... Zippy was knackered so there was no story and barely a kiss for our first bedtime Day 6: Trip to our house 3 hours away... Zippy was so good on the long journey and loved the house and the fact that he and Bungle can play computter games in the playroom on the loft ... he wanted to take lots of his stuff so we unpacked some of that and had a look around and some lunch and then we had to come straight back again... he was really quite rude to me this day ordering me about, not saying please etc and when we got back to FCs he actually told me to shut up - at which point 3 adults jumped on him! he does apologise straight away and is obviously sorry but it meant that I had a really bad day and we resolved to get better at working as a team... Day 7: Review - all SWs very happy - told them about challenging me and about various things he had said - he does lots of 'i miss x...' and then snaps himself out of it as soon as you say it's okay and they miss / love him too... after the meeting it was our first time at our rental place - otherwise known as our 'pretend house'... we have a big rental house as we had initially though we would be doing sleepovers but it meant it was perfect for hide-and -seek with Bungle... 2 staircases!!! Then the 3 of us cooked an omelette to his secret recipe (edible actually!) at sat down with his SW to eat our lunch (she said it was the most civilised lunch she had had since becoming a SW!)... once she had gone we took our science kits outside and did some coke / salt rockets and some bicarb / vinegar explosions and we have such cute pics of him wearing the safety goggles (which he had apparently been wearing the whole time at FCs since 2 days before when we bought the kit!)... after that it was time was a hot chocolate and a DVD and a cuddle before we took him back for tea. ahhhh... Day 8: This time we picked him up for lunch and had him until bedtime... we had wraps for lunch where he could choose what goes in - and he ate more than either of us! Then we went to a soft play place -NO-ONE TOLD ME I WOULD HAVE TO PLAY TOO SO I WORE A DENIM MINI!!! My first time on a slide in 30+ years and it was great! Bungle and I took it in turns to play with him / watch the bags and Zippy made me do the obstacle course 5 times... I was knackered... and I was so bad at it that on the last go he said we should swap sides of the course and he thought i would do better... then he pretended to get his foot stuck so that I won then he said he wanted me to win that one because he loved me Back to the pretend house and more DVD / cuddle time and then we had tea where he again ate more than us... no wonder he did 2 poos in 4 hours yesterday!!! (sorry!) Back at the FCs house it was bath time so I did the bath on my own with him and that went soooo much better... 15 mins of imaginative play and no-fuss washing - he wanted me to wash him (although he usually washed himself) and I gladly did - we think he will do some of these little regressing things with us for a while and we are happy to oblige... then Bungle read him a story for 30 mins - the longest bedtime story he has ever had we think! He laps it up and we plan to do this every night... Day 9: Today! We had stayed at FCs chatting until nearly 11pm last night so we didn't go until 9am for breakfast - with so many kids to get ready and go to school it is hard for them if we arrive earlier! We were greeted with 'hello mum and dad, it's only one sleep and no more days until you get to be parents' and we melted (again!) We made breakfast and then I took him up to get dressed... there was a bit of mucking about but I am better at dealing with it now and he is responding really well to my telling him and firm voice without shouting so we have not had rudeness since day 6. He wanted to show me 2 of his memory boxes and I read him a story book from his primary school which he loved... we looked at photos of previous FCs and of his family and he had a bit of a cry because he missed them... I said it was okay and that they miss him too and they love him still and he snapped out of it straight away.. this is happening a lot when there is no-one else around except Bungle or I and we think he is making sure we will be nice and kind about his other families and let him talk about them. After breakfast and chatting (he was a bit out of sorts so we let him take his time) we went to a pottery painting place and we each did a piece... then we came back to the pretend house for lunch and watched dvds all afternoon and cuddled... he needed that time to relax and so pressure or eye contact so we were happy to go along with it. We took him back to FCs for a family tea and made our excuses (tidy up the house and pack the car) and FC has texted to say he had a lovely evening with them and went to bed fine... So PHEW! That's it - all his stuff is in the car and we pick him up in the morning We have a very bright, inquisitive, cuddly boy on our hands and the rest of our lives ahead of us... this is when the fun starts but I think the enormity has got to Bungle tonight so he has been in bed for an hour already... And do you know the funniest thing? We were told he was quiet and we felt from the paperwork that he was a bit introverted but ZIPPY is absolutely the right name for him Tomorrow I will officially be a mum - Zippy said so - so I better get some rest so I can collect our son and take him home to love and care for him for the rest of his life... Love, Annie xxx
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Post by taliesin on Nov 28, 2013 1:04:31 GMT
Annie.....no words, just very very happy for you all ! xxxx
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Post by knight on Nov 28, 2013 7:30:01 GMT
Ahh Annie, how lovely - especially day 8, so cute that he let you win: kids are just so funny aren't they. Hope the pick-up today isn't too hard and yes, the start of the rest of all your lives together....enjoy the next few days and weeks when you get to do the more 'normal' stuff x
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Post by moo on Nov 29, 2013 5:58:09 GMT
Hey Annie such a wonderful diary it all sounds amazing... You have handled his grumps & backchat like an old pro!! ::)Well done.... It is so good that he is telling you how he feels & that he is missing people who have been key to him thus far in his young life.... You have been brill & handled it just fine...
WoWee move in day yay..... It will be so good to get home & " just get on with it!!! " it really sounds like you are all very ready which is fab... You are so lucky you have a great relationship with zippy's fab f/c ... Brill it will be so good for you all to be able to stay in touch....
So well done it all sounds perfect with warts an all!!!
Can't wait to read the installments from home!!
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by kstar on Nov 29, 2013 18:46:04 GMT
Omg it sounds so lovely! Good on you all, it sounds like a match made in heaven xxx
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