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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 19, 2013 11:57:07 GMT
We meet our boy next week - woohoo! The intro plan wasn't quite what I was expecting though. Lots of afternoons but only one breakfast time at the FC's house. Maybe this is to fit around other children in the house but I thought we'd have a couple of goes at each meal/part of the day if that makes sense?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2013 12:45:35 GMT
Great news Bumble - bet you can't wait! Yes it does sound a bit odd that you have to hang around all morning waiting. Have you questioned it with your SW? I would have thought you should be doing a couple early mornings and a few bedtimes too.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 19, 2013 12:58:13 GMT
We've only just been emailed the plan and will go over it properly at the planning meeting next week and again at the midway review, so no chance to question it just yet. Just counting down the days
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soon2be3
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Post by soon2be3 on Nov 19, 2013 13:11:47 GMT
At our planning meeting the whole was was changed! I would express your concerns and ask for more mornings. Maybe email your SW? Not long now
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 19, 2013 13:17:42 GMT
I do think the lack of early starts is due to the other children in the FC household, so I'm sure this will be discussed at the planning meeting.
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Post by happyone on Nov 19, 2013 13:26:42 GMT
I agree bumble plus if it's a very busy household your routine will be significantly different xx but a balanced approach would be good x excited !!!
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 19, 2013 14:30:19 GMT
Bumbleb33 as far as I know the draft plan of intros that gets sent out should only ever be a rough estimate. I don't think I've ever come away from an introduction planning meeting without it being changed - and sometimes quite significantly! All the ones I've done though have built on previous days with every new day - i.e., if you observe breakfast routine one day you will carry it out yourself the next day plus something else (eg morning nap), then the following day you will do breakfast, morning nap plus something else... Does that make sense?
As LO is only 12 months though are your intros quite short? There might not be time to fit in a couple of goes at each meal if they're less than a week.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 19, 2013 14:43:15 GMT
Bumbleb33 as far as I know the draft plan of intros that gets sent out should only ever be a rough estimate. I don't think I've ever come away from an introduction planning meeting without it being changed - and sometimes quite significantly! All the ones I've done though have built on previous days with every new day - i.e., if you observe breakfast routine one day you will carry it out yourself the next day plus something else (eg morning nap), then the following day you will do breakfast, morning nap plus something else... Does that make sense? As LO is only 12 months though are your intros quite short? There might not be time to fit in a couple of goes at each meal if they're less than a week. I thought it would be more like how you're saying but it isn't quite like that. I don't know if FC has seen it yet, so it may well change completely. Including planning meeting/1st sight and placement day it is 12 days in total with 1 day off in the middle.
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Post by moo on Nov 19, 2013 15:01:26 GMT
Who hoo bumble at last so excited for you......
Sounds a bit odd others in f/c household shouldn't really impede too much IMHO.....
Yep agree with nmt... Shoud be watch & then do next day at least....
12 days seems quite long for 12 months.... Our lovely f/c are better placed than me tho to comment....
Woohooo intro diary alert..... Alert alert intro diary coming up...
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 19, 2013 15:38:03 GMT
Yes, 12 days sounds quite long to me - don't be surprised if that gets reduced! At that age all the to-ing and fro-ing is likely to just confuse the little one.
And as Moo says, these intros are about your LO not about others in his household. It can be a tricky balancing act as you have to remember that even though the other children aren't moving they ARE going to be affected by the move, but I'd always make sure they were out of the way as much as possible. I do think its important for you to meet them though, and if possible for them to visit your house, so that they can see LO is going somewhere safe where he'll be well loved.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2013 17:19:46 GMT
Wow 12 days is very long for a 1 year old.
Mine were 1 & 2 years old and 7 days were planned for intro's but they allowed us to take them home after 5 days because it was going so well.
I thought the younger the child the faster the intro's were?? Can understand if a child is older and is more aware it would take longer but a 1 year old, won't understand what's going on and dragging it out for nearly two weeks will just make it worse IMO, not to mention making you exhausted even before LO comes home.
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Post by kstar on Nov 19, 2013 18:58:36 GMT
I didn't get to do any mornings or bedtimes in 12 days of intros, and I was told it wasn't reasonable to do them when FCs had their own children to get sorted too!
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Post by taliesin on Nov 19, 2013 19:57:56 GMT
Well, on the plus side, at least you can have some lie-ins....which means a couple of nice bottles in the evening !!!!!!! Seriously though - very, very happy for you Bumble!!!! xxx
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 23, 2013 19:48:41 GMT
We've not meet little bee yet, but in two weeks time he'll be home! :-)
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Post by loadsofbubs on Nov 23, 2013 21:14:44 GMT
to be honest 12 days is the average I have done previously with babies, with a rest day in the middle. am doing very short (to me) and full on intros this time and to be honest its far far more exhausting for me personally (am only on day two!) and I think a lot more difficult for Little man than my other babies have found it becoz theres no time for him to just have me for a bit. its really put me off doing intros for tiny babies if this is how my LA always do such young babies. so am a bit out of sorts here really. probably the most stressful intros for me personally that I have ever done. not a reflection of any concerns about parents, just that its been too 'full on' for me and I suspect is probably for parents too and certainly is for little man. my most successful and least stressful intros took place over several months! (too long for most I know but worked well for this little one!).
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 23, 2013 22:29:15 GMT
LOBs that's really interesting to read as I'm the complete opposite! I too have done intros over several months and I found it horrendous, as did new parents and toddler. Little one just didn't know if she was coming or going.
The last set of intros I did for a baby (10 months old so not a tiny baby) were 7 days which is always my preferred length. I tend to snatch "me" time with baby at the beginning or end of the day when intros are going on but even then I find that once intros are underway even the little babies begin pushing away (This hurt a lot at first but now I realise how necessary it is for them to allow themselves to move on). I'd hate to go through months of them distancing themselves from me.
On the other hand, I'm sorry you're finding it stressful - is there any opportunity for extending things? The last thing anyone needs is a stressed out foster carer, especially baby.
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Post by imp on Nov 23, 2013 22:51:09 GMT
Personally I find it possibly more important to have slightly longer Intros with a 1 year old (especially if they have been with me from/almost from birth) than with a three year old. The 1 year old is sooooo aware of what is going on, without the capacity to understand. This is the time when they have separation anxiety, and good SWs will recognise this and look at Intros from the child's point of view.
It is for this very reason that my---so far unwanted, totally gorgeous---14 month old will have Intros of 2 weeks when the right Adopters appear. SW has already stated this, repeatedly, so could be interesting if Adoption SWs don't agree.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 25, 2013 9:36:05 GMT
Maybe the length of intro's could be debated elsewhere as I don't really have a say in the matter.
It's planning meeting tomorrow where it will get thrashed out, but more importantly we get to meet our boy for the very first time.
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Post by loadsofbubs on Nov 25, 2013 12:55:56 GMT
the five month intros were actually fine, though by the end of it we were all getting sick of the delays that made it 5 instead of three months as originally planned (legal stuff). auntie travelled faithfully every week from a great distance, taking two trains in each direction and sometimes three and then staying overnight locally. little one (tiddly bubs) didn't distance herself from me but accepted auntie along side me so didn't have the confusion that often appears with shorter intros and she moved really easily becoz we had essentially had shared care for so long. I also did a very early post placement visit that also helped her enormously to settle in (one week post placement). she is doing very well now 18 months on, well, was doing well very quickly, quicker than most.
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 25, 2013 13:42:58 GMT
Have done 3 lots of intros as an adopter, the longest being eight days and I felt that was a good length of time to build up to doing 3 full days of care in the end, I was more relaxed when we came home as I felt I knew squirrels routine (if not her yet) very well and had a good idea of what daily life looked like with her FC and could replicate it when we got home. With howler (5 days) and curious george (3 days) I didn't have the same confidence coming home and I think howler realised this and we took longer to relax into each other. Curious george is different as we had spent more time in touch with ff through contact so although I didn't know him as well I did feel I knew his world and could work at recreating it...
Think it's prob a v highly individualised thing, depending v much on child, experience of ff (we were v lucky both sets of ff were fabulous!) experience of parenting for new family (eg part of what was helpful about length of squirrels longer intros were learning to parent... Bath/ bottles/ feeding/ nappies/ buggies/ car seats/ schedules/ naps/ snacks etc but for howler and George we just needed to learn about the individual child, we didn't have to learn everything from scratch)
You can change things in the meeting, we have every time as they are drawn up by sw who don't know Los established nap times etc and will have you taking children out when they should be asleep/ haven't eaten etc which is never a god idea. Also as we were out of borough and staying in a cottage we did all bath times at FC cos no-one saw the point in bathing lo in a strange place that we would never come back to and then taking her in cold dark car back to ff
Good luck
V v v v b exciting times
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 25, 2013 13:59:26 GMT
Thanks Choti. It does work out as 4 days at FC house and 4 days at ours before placement day which seems reasonable to me. It's just the exact timing that I think (and will hopefully be)changed about a bit.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 25, 2013 15:07:45 GMT
Maybe the length of intro's could be debated elsewhere as I don't really have a say in the matter. I get your point and feel a bit guilty for hijacking your post, but you do have a say. Don't let the SWs push something through if its not what you're comfortable with. (Having seen your last post where you advise that intros are now 8 days though I'd say that sounds just right to me for a 1 year old)
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 25, 2013 18:00:29 GMT
I got it a bit wrong actually.. it goes first meeting, then 4 days of intros, 1 day off, 5 more days of intros then placement day.
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Post by imp on Nov 25, 2013 19:18:48 GMT
That sounds just about right bumble, enjoy
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Post by gilreth on Nov 25, 2013 19:32:33 GMT
We did 12 days with Sqk which were cut from 13 and would have ended up at 10 if DH hadn't had to work days 8 - 10. We had review on day 11 when moving day was moved by a day. As to timings we dud 2 evenings & 2 mornings - 1 where we helped and 1 where we took lead. This was in first week before Intros moved to ours. Good luck and enjoy bumbleb33
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 25, 2013 19:44:41 GMT
Ohhh bumblebee... Such an exciting and wonderful time, don't forget to tell us all about your gorgeous lo (when you get a moment) it's tiring and emotional and all sorts of stuff, but v v v special too
Love to all the brand new bumble bee family
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 25, 2013 19:45:58 GMT
And don't forget to have a day off on the day off... If I had my time again I'd stay in bed all day with a great book, endless tea and biccies
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