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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 10, 2013 8:33:19 GMT
Hi I was wondering if anyone had any experience with this...
Our LO to be is 9 months and we have had about 8 contact visits arranged between us and LO's FC as he is full sibling of our DD's.
Actual intros are only 2,1/2 days and it seems quite short. Anyone else had very short intros and how did if effect LO settling with you? Thank you
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Post by moo on Nov 10, 2013 8:37:12 GMT
No experience......sorry......of short intros....
Just wanted to wish you luck..... So exciting....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by swimchic on Nov 10, 2013 9:22:24 GMT
We had 6 days and that was too long! We could of done it in 4.
But I guess its planned for a reason. Just ask lots and lots of questions!
Get them to write LO's routine down for you too.
Good luck!
Swimchic xx
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 10, 2013 9:31:30 GMT
Hm, part of me says he's a baby, moving to be with people he already vaguely knows (from the contact visits) so yes intros could be short.
The other part flashes alarm bells at 9 months - the worst time to move a baby as its usually the beginning of separation anxiety time.
Is there an option to extend things if you, or baby, needs more time?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2013 13:55:38 GMT
I assume you mean 2.5 days and not 21 days.
Our intros were supposed to be for 7 days for my two DD's (aged 1 & 2) but were shortened to 5 days as things were going so well.
I'm assuming because your LO is full sibling to your other children and you will already have had had 8 contact visits, but even so it does seem a bit quick to me, even though you are experienced adopters.
Would question it to be honest, it does seem a bit rushed and as NMT says may not be the best age to move little one in such a hurry. Has FC planned a holiday or something? Or maybe the cynic in me thinks it might be to reach some placing target.
You should go with your instincts and YOU decide what you think would be best for LO.
If you want more time to get to know LO - tell them! They are not going to stop the placement if you want a few more days and if during intro's you see that LO is comfortable, you can always ask if you can take him home earlier if it is all going well.
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 10, 2013 14:11:17 GMT
I am worried about his age, my other children were 16 and months respectively when they came home. 16 month old had 7 days and 8 month old had 4 days.
Everyone expected the 8 month old to find it easier but she was the more difficult to settle because she had been with FC since birth and was just hitting separation anxiety, she was terrified and expressed herself through anger and took much much longer to start firming an attachment to us.
I think because we have two DD's and we are are in accommodation, as we are out of borough, they want to move quickly. I guess I just have to see where I feel we are, we've done a lot of the things you would do in intros already, so I see the logic there, but I don't want to rush LO 3, the beginning is so important to get right. I'm not afraid of saying how I feel to SW though and have always had a good relationship with them, so I feel they would listen if we wanted to extend.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2013 15:16:54 GMT
When were these intro's being planned for Choti?
Are they trying to rush them through before Christmas?
Is that why they are in a hurry?
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 10, 2013 15:41:00 GMT
I think to to do it before Christmas, but the timing is to take into account dds being away from home and all their things missing their routine, nursery etc (although they are pretty good at travelling, they are flexible), and FC has a lot of children who will find intros hard, so it's trying to do whats best for everyone.
I think taking in all strands it is probably the way if has to be, it's just going to be v hard for wee man.
We are bringing the grandparents with us to look after DD's at different times and DH will come and go, where as I'll stay with little man all of his waking hours and we get on v well with FC.
I think everyone will work their hardest to make it work as best they can, but it will be tough for him
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Post by sooz on Nov 10, 2013 16:46:25 GMT
My intros were planned 5 days but met DS on the Monday and he came home the Thursday morning.
When I look back I feel it was much too short, not for me, but for him.
He was 4 months and had been with FC since birth. He must have been terrified poor thing.
However if LO knows you already that must help.
xx
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Post by smileycat on Nov 10, 2013 20:10:12 GMT
As Sooz says if you've had some contact that might help a little. I really feel for you and your LO. Our DD had a 3 week intro period which was just way too long. By the end of it we were effectively her childminders who gave her a lovely time and then took her home. Big shock for her when that stopped... DS's intro's on other hand were a week- he was only 17 months and I feel it was just too short for him looking back. He was as your youngest, terribly stressed and it's only recently he's calmed down. I did read an article in AUK's magazine about how positive it is for LO's to meet up several times with their FC"s in the early days and continue to do so as often as poss moving forward. We've stayed in touch with both children's FC's but left it some time to meet up after placement. I wish I'd read that article before DS was placed as I can see if we'd of met up sooner and more often in the early days it would of helped him enormously. Given the plan is for LO to be placed before xmas might that give scope to do just this?? Would a couple more contacts be possible too?? Very best of luck to you and huge congrats!!! SC x x
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Post by donatella on Nov 10, 2013 20:30:21 GMT
Our 3rd set of intros - 12 months old - were scheduled to last a week.
By day 2 it was pretty clear that FC's were really struggling and SW's wanted us to take her home on day 3.
It was definitely too soon for her and our boys, though it certainly would have made our lives easier to have gone with it.
We negotiated and we lasted 4 days and brought her home early on day 5.
That was about right TBH.
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Post by piglet on Nov 10, 2013 20:56:34 GMT
I have an older LO but I took her home at 6 on the fourth day. It was a whirlwind - and has been ever since really
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 10, 2013 22:58:48 GMT
Hi everyone
Thanks v much for your input, it's been very helpful.
I talked to FC and as we have our accommodation booked from mon-fri anyway, we are going up go a couple of days early and do some more small visits with lo, which stretches intros out to 4 days and if I feel we need more I'll say so.
Thanks again and wish us luck!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2013 23:51:32 GMT
Are intro's imminent then Choti - sounds like they are tomorrow?
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 11, 2013 7:58:46 GMT
Intros are now from today!! Off we go!! And we are with whoever wrote the Auk article in seeing FC soon after placement. We still see DD's Ffamily every couple of months and will see wee man's within a couple of weeks then after Christmas, then every couple of months with DD's Ffamily as they are friends.
I definitely think it has helped with feelings of loss for DD's and also helps with their understanding of adoption as FC always has a new baby and they can see how loving and special their time was with FC, also as all 3 have been with their FCs since birth they have less gaps in their history too.
We also love DD's FC v much because she was so amazing to our LO's and to us so she feels like part of the family now.
Thanks again for all the help!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2013 8:26:46 GMT
Best of luck Choti. So many positives and great that you have such a great relationship with FC, that helps sooo much. No wonder FC thinks a few days intro's are ok, she knows you and your DD's so well. I think you are Supermum with 3 LO's under 2.5 - Don't know how you do it! Keep us posted if you get a chance although we'll understand if you can't as you'll have your hands full.
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Post by swimchic on Nov 11, 2013 12:00:02 GMT
Good luck!
Hope that everything goes well.
Swimchic xx
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Post by taliesin on Nov 11, 2013 12:44:17 GMT
Go Choti....very excited for you!!
xxx
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Post by lilka on Nov 11, 2013 12:53:32 GMT
Best of luck, hope today is an amazing day for you! It's fantastic that you have such a great relationship with the FC's
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Post by chotimonkey on Nov 11, 2013 18:20:18 GMT
So we're here. Lovely little solo visit with wee man before full day tomorrow at FC house tomorrow, he's so lovely.
One of our previous contacts was at our house and ever since we had him at home I've been dying for him to be fully ours.
So pleased its finally happening, he is gorgeous, but about to go through such a change.
Having my two girls and knowing the difference between them coming home and how they are now when they are happy and settled I can't feel fully overjoyed, because I love him and I know what he has to go through.
Our accommodation is lovely we have a a little windmill with mini kitchen and tool bench for the girls and... best if all... a hot tub!!!!!
Can't believe it, it's better than our last holiday.
Girls and I have been playing in the hot tub and I think thy are going to have a whale if a time
Over and out
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Post by lilka on Nov 11, 2013 18:28:01 GMT
HOT TUB?! I'm going to sit here and be jealous for a bit then Very glad it went well. It's very hard on our lo's, and I felt guilty. Even though it wasn't my fault and they needed a permanent home.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2013 18:57:54 GMT
Ooooooh I'm so jealous a new little bubs AND a hot tub too!!!!!
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Post by moo on Nov 11, 2013 19:06:29 GMT
Wow chotimonkey sounds amazing.xxx
Well done it sounds like Lurve allready.....
Oohh tell us more tomorrow....
Sounds a palatial pad..... Cool.....
Xxx. moo. Xx
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Post by gilreth on Nov 11, 2013 19:16:22 GMT
Sounds likes a great place you have found choti - hope Intros go ok
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Post by happyone on Nov 11, 2013 21:45:58 GMT
So excited xxx
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soon2be3
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Post by soon2be3 on Nov 11, 2013 21:51:34 GMT
Congratulations
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Post by bagpuss72 on Nov 11, 2013 22:07:31 GMT
Sounds wonderful, Congratulations from me toox
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Post by vickyvixen on Nov 11, 2013 22:13:26 GMT
That sounds fabulous - well jealous of the hot tub! I'm glad you managed to fit in an extra couple of visits & good luck with it all
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Post by taliesin on Nov 11, 2013 22:35:11 GMT
HOT TUB! Ha........make the most of it hun, lol!!!! So glad its going well and thanks for taking time to post & share...... Hot tub....I dont know aye, ...... !! xxxx
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Post by gertiesquidge on Nov 11, 2013 22:43:30 GMT
Congratulations - have fun with your new little one. Hope you get chance to relax in the hot tub too
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