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Post by flossie on Apr 29, 2015 15:36:15 GMT
Just a quick question!
we were hoping that the AO would be sorted before dd starts school however as its nearly May and application hasn't even started I suppose that's unrealistic now...
however I still hope it will be 2015 so is it possible for her to have a 'known as' name i.e. our surname rather than bfs?
She calls herself by our name because that's what ds does but obviously it's not used in any official capacity. She is really starting to put herself into the family and I don't want to confuse her...
F x
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Post by damson on Apr 29, 2015 15:43:46 GMT
We started our children with the name that they would be known as.
Their birth name was stashed elsewhere on the system.
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Post by mudlark on Apr 29, 2015 15:58:30 GMT
We started ours at school with our surname, even though the AO was not through, the same went for dentist doctors etc. And I am so pleased we did, as they completely own their names now.
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Post by flossie on Apr 29, 2015 16:04:13 GMT
Thanks both, so glad it's a possibility.
The school application obviously had birth name on, pre school use birth name, maybe they would change it for this last term?
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Post by mudlark on Apr 29, 2015 16:18:53 GMT
We spoke to the school about it before they started, and explained carefully how important it was that we used their 'new name' on their official paperwork it was birth name, but school register and teachers all used our name.
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Post by bop on Apr 29, 2015 16:54:54 GMT
We were not allowed to use anything other than their "official" names until we had the AO (which took about 6 months). Hard for ours as the older two were already at school and were just getting established when they changed their name and had to answer awkward questions from their peers....DD2s nursery were more flexible and at that age surname is less important, but even she had a couple of weeks at school with her birth surname before it changed.
Saying that it might just have been our school as I know of others in Scotland and even the same LA whose schools were more flexible.
Bop
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Post by kstar on Apr 29, 2015 18:15:09 GMT
I wasn't allowed either, on the register and on all official paperwork she had to retain the birth surname until our AO was through. It wasn't great in terms of her identity, but in our LA it's part of the legally binding documentation that you have to sign. I asked the school to cooperate with me and use "known as" but they said they couldn't because legally she still had LAC status.
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Post by caledonia on Apr 30, 2015 9:19:40 GMT
I think it depends on the school and on the social work department and how they have been prepared for adoption.
My two were told by their foster carer that everything would be new and special for them and that they would take their mew family name to show they were part of the new family so my to expected to change their surname. I told the SW department I wanted to use my name as I did not want them to have to explain a new name change once the AO went through and that if they insisted then the SW and the school would be responsible for explaining about adoption to the whole school once it happened. I told the school the same and the children were registered under their new name. They were interested in the children feeling comfortable and not having to deal with a name change later on. They asked the children to confirm they wanted to be known as their new name and they said yes.
The GP surgery on the other hand refused to change their names and DS refused to go in when called by his old name. He sat there for 20 minutes and told them he was not called XXX but YYYY. Held up the whole surgery and they finally gave in!
Perhaps ask the school how they intend to explain to the rest of DD's class why her name has changed and if they are sure all the rest of the parents would be happy to have adoption explained to their young children?!
Good luck with it all.
Cale
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Post by esty on Apr 30, 2015 10:27:57 GMT
Yes LM had to go in with BF surname and now it will have bigger implications as he goes into secondary and one child also going from his primary knows his birthname and is quite nasty to LM so can see there being issues as its an easy target to make LM feel upset.  |
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Post by mrbop on Apr 30, 2015 11:50:36 GMT
The GP surgery on the other hand refused to change their names and DS refused to go in when called by his old name. He sat there for 20 minutes and told them he was not called XXX but YYYY. Held up the whole surgery and they finally gave in! Awesome! High five to DS for that one :-) MrBop |
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Post by bop on Apr 30, 2015 12:13:25 GMT
Yes LM had to go in with BF surname and now it will have bigger implications as he goes into secondary and one child also going from his primary knows his birthname and is quite nasty to LM so can see there being issues as its an easy target to make LM feel upset. Luckily we avoided that one as we relocated before High School, but it did cause problems for DD1 at the previous primary school when some peers went to a football competition and bumped into a birth cousin (hence relocating). However DD1 blew it for the younger two as after she left us she changed her name on FB etc to her birth surname - not helped by the fact that the DHT shares the birth surname. |
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Post by mooster on Apr 30, 2015 13:28:46 GMT
We too started school with the name they would be known as (our name) - SS gave permission for us to use it.
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Post by mr.vml3m on Apr 30, 2015 15:30:32 GMT
We had the same issue, as placement was 6 weeks before our eldest started school, and almost 12 months before the AO was granted.
We spoke to the school and they were very clear. They had to have her "correct" ie birth name, on all of the school records, but to save any confusion with a name change, they just didn't use her surname in every day use. He peg just had her first name on it (luckily, its an unusual name so no chance of there being another one in the school!), and all of the staff knew to just called her "K", and not to use her surname at all.
It worked very well, no one asked, all her school books came back labelled up with only her first name.
When the AO was granted, we informed the school and they changed all the records and started using our surname.
They did make it very easy, but they were very clear they would not and could not use our surname until the AO was granted.
Hope this helps.
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Post by kstar on Apr 30, 2015 20:39:58 GMT
Actually thinking about it we did that too - not led by the school but by Starlet, who had a phase of only wanting to be known as Starlet with no surname. Luckily in her tiny school there was only her with that name so it was fine! I even ordered name labels with just her first name.
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Post by flossie on May 1, 2015 8:49:53 GMT
Our gp surgery call out my name instead of DDs although it took a few goes before the message got through...
I will talk to school and see what their initial reaction is, just using her first name should work, it's fairly unusual!
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