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Post by corkwing on Aug 14, 2014 6:37:16 GMT
Had a call from the residential unit yesterday. They're concerned about Mackerel. They've noticed that he buys, sells and swaps things at unrealistic values and just wastes any money that he has. Before he moved in, the manager said she'd like to know about him. So I wrote a 10 page report in which this was clearly detailed. And then, when we met his key worker, he told us that they kind of ignore what anyone tells them so that they can make up their own mind about the child. So they obviously haven't read the report. Big sighs.
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Post by moo on Aug 14, 2014 6:45:23 GMT
Speechless Corkwing....
Whenever are SS & associated divisions ever gonna step into the real world?? Bonkers... Not ever in child's best interest not to mention waste of your valuable time & expertise?!
Shame it not in writing.... Would be such fun to circulate to iro , mp & any from SS asking for comments & opinions?!
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by corkwing on Aug 14, 2014 6:49:34 GMT
Oh, and they're going to get the social worker to talk to him about it.
I sent the following, slightly tongue in cheek email:
We had a call from XXX last night concerned about the fact that Mackerel sold things for way below their real value and swapped things a lot.
When he moved in, I did give you document that highlighted a number of his behaviours, including this. Looks like it's got lost somewhere, so I've re-attached it as it might be helpful. See page 9 (Delayed Gratification) and the bottom of page 11 to page 12 (Things).
(I got it wrong in the previous post: it was 14 pages, not 10).
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Post by larsti on Aug 14, 2014 8:37:15 GMT
What? !!! I have kind of picked this up that 'they' do this. After all, what do we know? WE ARE ONLY THE PARENTS!! In a bad mood today I had to do a role play at an adoption course (Kermit was there too!) and I was rather proud of myself even although it was not real life. 'Teacher' : We are concerned about your child's behaviour' Me (parent of adopted child!): Did you read the information I gave you? 'Teacher' No Me 'Lets meet up in a week when you have had time to read it' conversation closed down wish I was that assertive in real life! Give 'em what for Corkwing Oh and I will never forget what a feisty lady told me she had said at a parents evening (not adopters but very relevant) Teacher 'your daughter is lazy and unmotivated' Feisty lady 'do you think I don't know that and what do you suggest I do about it'
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 8:46:28 GMT
Speechless, but sadly, not surprised.
Perhaps they will, actually read it now and might listen to you in the future.
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Post by mooster on Aug 14, 2014 12:38:49 GMT
Hi Corkwing – doesn’t really surprise me. When AD was first Section 20’d no one was really interested in our experiences and knowledge – it felt like we were considered the problem, FC ‘s wanted to find things out for themselves, SW kept comparing AD to their own birth children. Had numerous examples thrown at us of what they considered our parenting to be like – we were apparently controlling and regimented, not laid back enough etc. etc.
When the honeymoon was over and real behaviours began to surface then a bit more respect came our way – SW even said at a LAC review meeting after some difficult times for the FC, “well you of course already know this”! There followed (unminuted!) a small explosion on our part.
It wasn’t for lack of trying to tell them, though must admit I didn’t manage a written epic of information – hats off to you for that!
You would hope to expect more from the type of place Mackerel is currently living but hope is a very fragile thing.
Now AD has much better SW who is working so much closer with us, there is a small hope that AD could come home.
Wishing you well as ever.
Mooster x
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 15:12:18 GMT
It's called the honeymoon period and yes I get that each new placement should mean a fresh start and that the child should start off with a clean slate and be given the chance to change, but to not listen to the parents who know the child better than anyone, who have lived with them 24/7 for "x" number of years is just madness and wastes everyone's time and energy.
I had this when EDD first went into care. The care home staff saw a lovely young lady with beautiful manners, who was very helpful and polite and they even complimented me on her and how delightful she was, saying I really can't understand why she is here. Fast forward 10 months where DD has pushed the boundaries, made allegations against various staff members, assaulted 3 staff members when they took her phone off her, has now got the home under an Ofsted investigation where they are being threatened with being closed down because of DD's alleged allegations of abuse and mistreatment. The staff are suddenly very sympathetic to me and now treat me with respect, saying i don't know how you coped with her on your own.
I never ceases to amaze me, how the profs only get it when they have to live/work with our children, then they get a taste of what we have been living with for years. That's when they start to treat us with respect and phone us asking "what should we do when, he/she, does X,Y?
It's so hard to bite your tongue and not say "I told you" isn't it? And then they accuse us of not caring orbeing distant.
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Post by corkwing on Aug 14, 2014 15:56:18 GMT
Yes, we've had the honeymoon period with two foster carers, which is why he's now in a residential home. The professionals' attitude to us has changed, but we're still having meetings wher ethey really don't have a clue about our family dynamics and the potential problems of, say, "take the three kids swimming together". They have this lovely, romantic notion of three kids happily splashing away with each other. I have a picture of Sprat repeatedly jumping on Mackerel, part in fun and part in anger until Mackerel gets annoyed and either thumps him or gets fed up and wants to leave. If he leaves then Sprat will refuse to. Fairy Basslet, meanwhile, will be upset because neither of them will play with her. They'll annoy each other all the way too the swimming pool and annoy each other all the way back. And somehow it will totally fail to be the lovely, uplifting, joyous family experience that we're supposed to have.
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Post by ham on Aug 14, 2014 16:27:20 GMT
I think asking for info is just a tick box exercise .have parents been asked about their child behavours etc .yes.tick.file it.forget it.
Remember losing it big time with an ed physiologist. It was her sixth one in 5 years he came into the room and said tell me about dd.having spent 5 years trying to get her statmented wanted action not more platitudes.my first words were just filled with anger.why have you not read her reports I am Not reapeating myself any more.the poor guys face.went on to have a brilliant working relationships and he got my dd statement.
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Post by peartree on Aug 14, 2014 18:46:26 GMT
Equally frustrated here.
The only place that seemed to take it seriously were the Tc for their risk assessment, Then blossom thought up a whole new set of behaviours ...
After that, you get this "make our own minds up" twaddle I hoped that meant "we are manganous and hope things change for the best with us" - albeit a snub to the parents and what's gone before
But it seems to mean "we don't care enough to read what you put."
Which is poor. Very poor.
Weve travelled a hilly journey with ref to seeing blossy, for a start we complained a lot that the units all call seeing her "contact" which in adoption has heaps of negative connotations. The units IMO give the young people far too much control and say in contact and it actually unsteadies them as if they are in "control" then they are simply terrified by this, will ramp up all their controlling, challenging and scary behaviours as they feel overwhelmed. Furthermore the damage trauma bonds continue to wreak on the family in ways the professionals do not understand let alone have to cope with at the time and deal with. Partridge at 19 still has to things in a very routined way to cope with a blossom visit It's like they all need a therapeutic come down session after each visit, by someone who's going to know what they are doing! (Not just us parents who are a very stretched and stressed "resource"!)
Much love corky and all aquarium dwellers x
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sunnysky
New Member
Married Adopter
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Post by sunnysky on Sept 10, 2014 14:00:26 GMT
So sorry to hear this - when will professionals realise we know our children far better than anyone else? So a report about Mackeral should have been vital/valuable information for those caring for him. Been there with the buying, selling etc and still there with my two who still have no understanding of value and they are in their twenties. I am unsure they will ever "get it". I would be horrified to lose hundreds of pounds on an item I have just bought but it means absolutely nothing to them. xxxxxxxx
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