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Post by scaredycats on May 4, 2014 20:02:16 GMT
Does anyone have any personal experience of this? Any opinions? I would like to find out more/ discuss please  |
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Post by moo on May 5, 2014 5:28:46 GMT
Sorry scaredycats never heard of this before....
Hope someone is along soon.....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by flowerpower on May 5, 2014 8:40:21 GMT
Hi their was a discussion about it on the old AUK forum but I can not find it but I have heard of people doing it have a look on this site Breastfeeding an adopted baby | BabyCenter www.babycenter.com/0_breastfeeding-an... Learn about the possibility of breastfeeding an adopted baby. |
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Post by flowerpower on May 5, 2014 9:04:27 GMT
Sorry meant to say it is something I would of looked at if we had adopted a baby having breast fed my BS I know what a very special bond it can help create hope someone that has done it comes along with some advice xx
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Post by scaredycats on May 5, 2014 9:06:04 GMT
Thanks, flowerpower, I'll check out that website.
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2014 9:37:45 GMT
I know this is done in America by a lot of adopters, but there they tend to get babies very young, often from birth in arranged adoptions where the adopters have met the BM and are often present at the birth so have the opportunity to bond with the baby immediately.
I've never heard of anyone here doing it as babies tend to be so much older when placed in this country and I don't know if it is something that a bottle fed 8 month old (for example) would be able to transfer to, if he/she hadn't be breast fed from very young?
Perhaps if you Google it?
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Post by flutterby on May 5, 2014 9:59:53 GMT
I think it is a great idea, but the problem over here is probably, babies are much older and they are still officially in care for quite a long time. As awful as it is, there might be "concerns over this being appropriate - if not indeed classed as sexual abuse". You have got to be so careful, it is sad, but I would run it past my social worker if I were you before getting my hopes high that this might be possible.
Personally, I wish I could have breastfed Lo, but she was deffo too old.
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 5, 2014 12:05:24 GMT
I agree that in british adoption it could be a bit of a mine field. I have though often thought how much simpler it would be to stick a bubs on the boobs instead of sterilizing bottles, boiling water, buying formula ect! mind you would need to have some serious hormone input to breast feed now as its been 23 years since the last time I did this! on a more serious note though it is perfectly possible to get that closeness found with breast feeding with a bottle fed baby, all depends on the posture and the inclination of the person feeding. I know sometimes when breast feeding my daughter she might as well have been bottle feeding with someone else as its just as easy to let your mind wander onto other things with breast feeding as it is with formula! as a fc I rarely wean a child of a bottle before being placed for adoption, only did it once and only becoz the bbs did it herself when she was 3. I find the bottle feeding is a lovely way to help bonding and all the parents I have had (who bottle fed) have automatically fed the baby while staring intently into their eyes, stroking their skin etc. its a natural response and as someone who has done both, there is no difference in terms of bonding with either method when the parent/carer is tuned into their baby.
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Post by chotimonkey on May 5, 2014 12:46:13 GMT
I don't no anything about adoptive Brest feeding... But do know that it is possible to have an incredibly intimate and bonding experience with the bottle... I've kept all mine on bottle for ages... Have had them cradled I. Breast feeding position, lots of eye contact, face stroking, talking singing etc...
Also with mine 16/8/9 months at placements I had to be v careful with bottles... Milk is such an important security thing that changing the way it was done wasn't an option... Middly we used diff bottle with diff teat and she hated it, refused to drink/ screamed blue murder till we got her milk in the right bottle with right teat at right temp... Milk time was always the safest snuggle at most intimate part of the day and we wanted to keep it safe and calm, if you are doing concurrent/ foster to adopt then it might be worth looking into, but if they have been bottle feeding then yoh try to change something as fundamental to them as their milk it would have to be done v carefully and you'd need to with up pros and cons carefully
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Post by sockthing on May 5, 2014 14:08:11 GMT
Kipper came to us at 10 months, only ever bottle fed. I am certain he would not have been able to transfer to breast. He would have found it too strange.
Incidentally, he even found the switch to being bottle fed by me (instead of FC) difficult, even with the same bottles and teats and formula given to us by the FCs. He wouldn't look me in the eye, held himself stiffly, and tried to hold the bottle himself. He even pushed me away sobbing once.
Sorry, don't mean to be discouraging; I just thought it may help add to the picture and help to take into account the different things to take into account such as attachment - and it's lovely to hear that CHoti had a totally different experience.
You could try contacting La Leche League, they promote all things breast feeding. And attachment parenting I believe.
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Post by sockthing on May 5, 2014 14:13:24 GMT
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Post by lovelybee on May 5, 2014 15:51:31 GMT
A friend asked me before babybee was placed whether I was planning to try and breast feed her. It took me completely by surprise as it had never occurred to me!
I suppose part of it was I assumed we were going to be adopting older children (originally approved for siblings up to the age of 5) and also assumed social services would not allow it and by the time the adoption order comes through even if placed as a relatively young baby they are likely to at least have teeth, be starting to talk and well into solids!
I knew a mum who had a child by surrogacy and tried to breast feed her. It involved taking lots of hormones and expressing more than 10 times a day for months before to get her milk supply going. Then the baby was born early and breast feeding was difficult. It was a huge disappointment for her when she was never able to establish breast feeding and she took it is as a rejection from her child.
I am very pro breast feeding in general and would definitely want to breast feed if I had a birth child but I think in reality with adoption in the UK unless you are doing concurrent planning or foster to adopt it is unlikely that a baby would be young enough for it to possible. Bottle feeding is also "easier" for babies than breast feeding to get the milk. When children are placed for adoption from birth like America however I could see it being feasible. Also introductions/early days are stressful without extra pressure on yourself and baby to try and breast feed. We recently had a 4 month placed with us. There are lots of other ways to encourage bonding - skin to skin contact, slings, bottle feeding while gazing into each other's eyes, bathing with baby, baby massage etc. We feel our baby is bonding with us well with these techniques and we are having lots of closeness - dad can also do these things too so doesn't miss out!
Obviously these are my own thoughts and experiences. Obviously you need to do your own research and discuss with your social worker too to reach your own decisions.
Good luck
LB x
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Post by donatella on May 5, 2014 16:36:25 GMT
Not sure what age child you're thinking of but it's likely that feeding will be established by the time of placement as everyone else says. Even if you foster to adopt and have a newborn the legal aspects would make it difficult. Contact may still be ongoing. Not sure what bm would feel/think if you were breast feeding. Tbh not sure it would be allowed. Until AO you're sharing parental responsibility - and I've a feeling this is something SS would struggle with.
There are lots of ways of bonding with a child besides breast feeding.
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Post by gilreth on May 5, 2014 20:32:26 GMT
I know a couple of Muslim mothers who have done this - if but briefly for reasons to do with islam and adoption. But I know how much work it took for them = it does happen in UK a little but not much.
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Post by scaredycats on May 6, 2014 7:08:04 GMT
Thanks very much all of you for all the ideas, info and opinions.
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Post by daffin on May 6, 2014 21:45:48 GMT
I thought long and hard about this before Mouse was placed with us - straight from the hospital. DH and I decided that SWs would FREAK as it was a foster to adopt placement and we were told not to even call ourselves Mum and Dad etc etc until after the Placement Order had been granted (i.e. keep an appropriate distance - as Foster a Carers are encouraged to). I found out that you can stimulate your milk supply by using a pump to express milk, but you have to do it for weeks and weeks, several times a day, before the baby is placed (and maybe add in some hormone supplements, if your milk supply doesn't come on stream) All of this means it's unlikely to work in the context of UK adoptions - unless you have a very open minded SW and the baby placed with you has been breast fed or bottle fed on an 'as breast' bottle.
I feel I have bonded really nicely with Mouse and her with me - so I don't feel eez've missed out. Though it would have been great to have given her immune system that boost. But all the faff with bottles. EEK! Makes me amazed that so many women choose to bottle feed. Mind you, the plus has been that DH has been able to 'share' night feed duty (!!) with me from the beginning.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2014 4:00:53 GMT
I've just been thinking about this whole breast feeding thing as it's also been on the tv a lot lately.
Breasts have been stolen from women and what I mean by that is, the whole concept of breasts have been taken away from what they were originally designed for, ie feeding babies and have been made sexualised.
In the old days, before the invention of bottles everyone breastfed and it was a perfectly natural thing with a woman's natural instinct to feed her baby. There were wet nurses around who fed whoever's baby they were looking after. Think back to the aristocracy, they had wet nurses or nannies who fed the babies and no one thought anything of it, it was natural. The baby cried, it needed feeding, so they fed it, whoever could.
Then some where along the line that all got lost, bottles came in, they were the new cool liberating thing and breast feeding lost favour and went "out of fashion". Those who continued to do it were considered hippies or slightly weird and why? Because breasts became page 3 news, the property of men, they became sexualised and that's when things changed.
Now women are frowned upon if they breastfeed in public. I constantly hear people on radio programs where mothers have been harrassed or asked to leave cafes because they are discreetly feeding a baby. They are made to feel as if they are the weirdo's for doing something that is perfectly natural.
Ladies like scardey cats are probably eliciting some urrgghh responses from some people reading this for even posting about this topic because people these days don't think like people did in the old days before bottles. SW would probably frown if she asks about this because it would be seen as an odd thing to want to do for a baby you haven't given birth to and that is quite sad really.
I think the practacalities of it mean it probably wouldn't work and I 'm not sure that taking hormones to stimulate milk production is such a great idea, I'm not a medic, but wouldn't the hormones be absorbed into the milk and transferred to the baby, who knows? But I can't help feeling kind of sad that it is not really something that is even a choice for adopters TBH, because there is too much predjudice out there, too many doubts, and too much is placed on what should be a natural thing.
It's kind of sad actually the way society has progressed or not depending on how you view it.
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Post by larsti on May 9, 2014 20:50:24 GMT
Nothing to add really about the breastfeeding itself because you've had lots of replies but one thing that came to mind was the fact that we were allowed to home educate Dash. Now bear with me...there is a connection. At least in my mind there is!
We had to argue our case to SWs and matching panel and of course there was the shared parental responsibility factor. Home ed is pretty unusual when child is placed (as far as I know) but we were still able to do it. So maybe its worth arguing your case, especially if you are looking at concurrent placement.
I agree with others that there are likely to be huge obstacles, but not necessarily insurmountable?
I also agree that the culture here is definitely not positive about breast feeding :-(
I am pretty sure there is a short section in a book called 'Breast is Best' by Penny Stanway about feeding an adopted baby and I think there was mention of using a fine tube to feed the baby milk while they were suckling so there was some 'reward' from suckling.
Also as I'm sure you are well aware, baby massage and skin to skin contact would help with bonding, amongst other things.
I think the mother being attuned and relaxed and enjoying the baby may be more important than breastfeeding per se.
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Post by larsti on May 9, 2014 21:01:24 GMT
should have said *is* more important not 'may be' :-) IMO
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