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Post by lovelybee on Apr 9, 2014 12:45:18 GMT
Hi everyone, We are heading to matching panel soon for baby bee who will be 4 months old at placement. Yay!! Our daughter (little bee) was almost 11 months old at placement and we did the TOMY butterfly talking album and the GALT soft album with photos just of us and her now favourite cuddly toy. We have bought these again and also have a recordable story book for our voices and we are going to give a couple of muslin blankets which we have slept in bed with so she could get used to our smells. Obviously will keep same wipes, creams washing powders, bedding, bubble baths etc she is used to when she comes home too. Any other ideas? Also how do you manage intros with a toddler in tow? I am especially worried about taking her to the FC's house as I am sure she will be happier and easier to manage in our own house. She has helped us choose a toy for baby bee and we have bought a much wanted toy for little bee from baby bee too. Will bring lots of little toys to distract her at FC's and lots of snacks but also tempted to take a Peppa Pig DVD along but not sure how that would go down! We are doing lots of prep work with little bee and she is very excited about her baby sister but it is going to be such a hard time for her too! Intros are planned for 5 days currently with little bee involved from day 2. Any advice appreciated, especially to do with intro books, intros and beyond!! Little bee settled fairly quickly (although looking back at the photos she initially looked pretty terrified!!) and always slept well. We kept her very close with a lot of eye contact, touch and bonding activities and little interaction with others for the first few weeks so know it is going to be alot harder this time around especially with 2 of them! Thanks in advance LB
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Post by moo on Apr 9, 2014 13:16:32 GMT
Ooooohhh congratulations lovely bee... I remember your posts from before first time around.... How wonderful to be matched with another teenie tiny... Lucky you.... Getting excited now Please do an intro diary for us.....
I would try to chat this over with the f/c all your ideas to keep little bee happy seem perfectly sensible to me.... It will be hard to engage her in anything much long term when out.... You have obviously really thought this out... Your intros are quite short coz so little maybe you will be able do do duck feeding or even back to yours quite early on....
Our wonderful f/c friends will be on soon I'm sure they will have some great tips to offer....
Congratulations & Good Luck....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 13:38:44 GMT
Intro books with a 4 month old? Bit pointless really, as she won't have a clue. Just some laminated photo's of yourselves,little Bee, your house, dog, cat or whatever so that FC can point you out and say who you are. Or maybe the talking Tomy might work as she could get used to your voices? The muslins are a great idea and maybe Little Bee could give Baby Bee a special cuddly toy. I'm sure someone like Chotimonkey will be along later as she did intro's very recently with her 2 and 3 year old in tow. If you do a search on Choti's intros there are lots of tips in there on what worked for her and if you have a co-operative Granny, why not bring her along so she can baby sit LBee and keep her entertained to allow you to focus on Baby Bee. All the into threads, including Choti's are on the "Approved Adopters Board", well worth reading through as well as the pinned "Intro's and Beyond" Threads at the top of the board. Oh, and Congratulations, you are going to be kept busy!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 13:40:23 GMT
Sorry Also have a read on the Foster Carers Board as some of them have recently posted their intro' diaries from a FC point of view which are very interesting and might give you some ideas on what to ask FC.
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Post by lovelybee on Apr 9, 2014 13:41:02 GMT
Thanks Moo! Will try and do an intro diary but am not very good at writing!
LB x
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Post by lovelybee on Apr 9, 2014 13:47:12 GMT
Thanks JMK,
Little bee has chosen a cuddly toy which she will hopefully give to baby bee when they first meet.
Will have a look at the previous intro diaries.
Thanks for all the advice.
LB x
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 9, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
Hi little bee... Congrats on your teeny tiny little one!! How exciting for you all... I have done intros for an 8 month old howler with squirrel at about 22 months having been home 5 months (intros 5 days) And intros for 10 month old george with squirrel at just over 3 and howler nearly two(3 days) if you want to on me please do... In always happy to talk intros and beyond! For george we didn't bother with talking book or album,.. We did him the galt house family book, and got him some Teddy's from the girls with pics on them that went in his cot, we had contact with him so it was slightly different as he is full sib. We gave gro bags, blankets etc... We didn't go wild on replicating every smell the FC had as we thought he would transition using all his stuff from FC clothes Muslins etc and they'd move into our smell and we didn't want to change everything for our dds. What was effective was FC and I sent a lot of v small video clips and photos back and forth to each other... George got to see and hear is in tiny bursts little and often instead of a DVD and it creAted an ongoing link for the girls as they would talk to him and respond to what FC said about him... Also helped FC and I get to know each other and build up a mutual like for each other abd commitment to being kind to each other over intros and staying in touch beyond. We did find out about food and routine milk temp and bottle teats... They can be quite different and the milk is such an important part of building trust that we wanted to get it right We made any changes to the house quite a way in advance so two older dds weren't thrown off by sudden change... We had v old topsy and Tim book where they adopt a baby boy, lots of stuff about visits from health visitors and sw do quite relevant. We left all stuff like starting nursery/ potty training/ giving up dummies/ big girl beds/ chairs etc till after they were Also let them go back to bottles and baby blankets when they saw baby... I don't know how old your toddler is, but dd1 was just under 3 at Los placement and she was really using his adoption to process and understand her own. During intros we were out of borough in an apartment, we took my mum and dad both times and it was soo helpful. They did all the practical stuff like shopping and cooking and were around to lavish attention on dds. With both sets of intros we decided it was more important that the new baby met one constant figure than switching back and forth with dh, so I was with new lo abd FC most if the time and dh came over with dds and took them back again. This worked well and although initial attachments have been with me, they have been extended to dh without any obvious adverse affects, in both cases Los were used to a main female FC with dh that came home in the eve so it made sense to the Los. At FC, FC had loads of new toys and tbh dds were more interested in them than lo... We didn't force any of our and to interact with new sibs, we have let it happen slowly... Babies can be quite boring for toddlers because they don't do v much, dd1 had little to no interest in dd2till she started walking Nd talking when she suddenly became much more fun, now they are good friends as well as sisters. One good thing about two children is there is still one parent each! So it is fairly easy to meet the needs of both when there are two adults there.. With friends and family when they visited we funnelled by keeping lo in a sling and letting extended family comr and fuss over older dds Sling also v good for keeping lo close and still being able to be hands free for a toddler to do playdough hand holding etc We found that dds were very good during intros and early weeks of placement.. It was a couple of weeks in when they realised it was a permanent change that they wobbled... We had a couple of tricky months were we had to keep them v tightly within daily routine and normal activities as they were really struggling with unstructured time (whereas as normally and now they will play quite independently or with each other) It was emotionally harder for me going from 1-2 then from 2-3 as I had to learn v quickly how to split my love and attention and love two different children in the different ways they needed to be loved without it seeming unfair, by three I was more used to the split. Sorry this is v random...a bit if a random stream of conscious but we have just got back from hols and my brain is fried... Please pm me if you have any qu Lots of luck at this exciting time
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Post by imp on Apr 9, 2014 23:52:54 GMT
A really good and relevant post chotimonkey, some great suggestions and personal experiences. A post to be saved I think?
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 12, 2014 9:25:12 GMT
I agree with Chotimonkey - if FC have toys for a 4 month old they'll have them for a toddler.
Don't be surprised if toddler needs a bit more attention than usual - when I've had siblings along I firstly try to keep it to just a day at my house (new sib,ing and new surroundings is often simply too much for a little one to comprehend) and also encourage parents to work one parent to one child. Remember to have some special time alone with toddler at the end of each day.
I personally find big (A4) laminated photos much more useful than the photo albums. I used to be a fan of the Tomy albums but now think they're a bit overpriced and cumbersome. I've seen some much better homemade scarp books which just allow so much more personality to come through, and hold lots more photos. For a 4 month old though I'd only do one if you want to keep it for a memory box. Muslim cloths sound great though - for smell and texture.
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 12, 2014 12:32:11 GMT
no more tears you had the same auto correct i did for 'muslim' cloths and def agree with no more tears tahtyour toddler will need much more attention then normal... we brought all their favourite calm activities, (and our parents) so there was one adult to do playdough, sticking, stickers, fuzzy fellts, books,. faveourite dvds and building blocks so they were being given loads of extra attention, but with v familiar objects to try and make it familiar as opposed to new... we did make howler a dvd because we had made one for squirrel who was 16 motnhs when she came home, we didn't do one for george, but what we did do, was during intros we used the whatsapp app messaging and video service to send video clips back to family at home and we kept all the clips and put them on a dvd for a during intro dvd instead... we didn't do anythihng fancy just put all the clips together...one day if i have time i'll fancy it up a bit, but if not its all there whats app and video phones were quite good for toddlers whilst i was with new baby at fc...i'd send them v short clips when i got a chance sending them lots of love
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 13, 2014 7:53:04 GMT
have done one lot of intros with a toddler and baby and about to do another. not sure how many fc's would be willing to do it but I made a 'family' book for the toddler from the baby to introduce her to him a little bit and have done the same for sibs of squishy munchkin, to be shared post matching panel like the family book for the babies are. might be worth asking if the fc could do that, or at elast supply some photos so you can do one yourself? though I appreciate, particularly after hearing about the paucity of photos and info given to squishy's new parents about sibs at this stage that not every LA would endorse that either. mine do so is ok (even offered to pay for the book). one thing I found with last lot was that mum was the main focus for little man, which I fully endorse as well, but she herself was torn becoz she felt guilty about leaving the older child alone so much. little mans intros were very intense though and all day virtually from day 2. I would suggest, even with a 4 month old where intros are going to be quite short, that there is time built into the intro plans to allow the other toddler time with parents alone still, made little mans intros more stressful for everyone than they might other wise have been had mum been more relaxed and less guilty feeling.
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Post by lovelybee on Apr 13, 2014 22:30:05 GMT
Thank you so much for everyone's advice. As well as giving us some new ideas it has also reassured us we are on track with other ideas we've had.
Choti - Little Bee is under 3 but bright and articulate. She is excited but obviously anxious as has already started to regress and wants to play at being baby which we have been doing and I am quite enjoying the closeness it is bringing if I am honest. We used a sling loads for bonding with her when she came home and have been given one suitable for a smaller baby which we hope to use. Also going to try and avoid a double buggy as little bee going through a phase of not wanting to use the buggy so hopefully a combination of a sling and a buggy board will work. We have also used the opportunity to talk about her foster parents and life before she came home too and she is getting to an age where she is taking it in more and asking questions which is good.
NMT- thanks for the tip about 1 adult per child - seems so obvious but isn't till you have thought about it! Need to negotiate more about intros. Currently planned for all day from day 2. Won't allow any time for special time with little bee which I know she will need.
LOBS - we want to do an intro book for Littlebee and said as much at link meeting. We have requested photos but they have not been forthcoming. Also planning to do a visual timetable detailing baby bees routine and what babies do (and what no to do with babies!) Hope we can negotiate time during intros for little bee.
Any more tips and advice will be gratefully received. Also any advice about how to negotiate time for little bee into short intros and the best way to put this across. Obviously don't want it to sound like baby bee isn't our priority too.
Can't believe if all goes to plan babybee will be home in less than 3 weeks!!! Matching panel to get through first and 2 days of work. So much to do!! Need to stop overthinking too!
LB x
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 14, 2014 6:52:22 GMT
I suggest you speak to your sw about your concerns re little bee and decide between you what would be best for her. its difficult to advise without knowing the child but my last families toddler was a similar age and we started full time from day 2 and it was hard work and very intense. we had 5 days of intros and home on day 6 even though I didn't think bubs was ready (was a bit older than yours and aware strange stuff was going on!). the intros are primarily for bubs to meet you and for you to get to know him and routines etc but it is important that little bee feel included and not excluded even though its unlikely little bee would manage all day herself, but be aware that the childs sw, fc and ff may not be overly interested in how your older child will be, their primary concern will be bubs. I am told that last bubs sibling struggled to accept bubs for some time but is now settled and i'm sure the way intros were handled didn't help the sibling at all really which is why I am being a lot more careful this next time round, but am not an expert at moving babies into existing families with children having only don the one so far, much more used to my bubs being the one and only! and am also conscious that an unsettled older sibling is going to impact on the recently moved in child as much as the other way round and for me that is why it is important to manage the exisiting children as well as possible, i'm not overly bothered if they are finding it difficult becoz that's the parents job to deal with, but it'll impact on 'my' bub so it needs addressing this end too (makes me sound horrible I know but I love my bubs and want only the very best for them and don't know the other children! ).
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 15, 2014 13:51:37 GMT
hi lovely bee... your little bee sounds a bit like squirrel...bright...articulate with a tendancy towards anxiety.. squirrel as been through three sets of intros (including her own) i might have a double buggy on hold somewhre... although squirrel didn't need the double...when we went from one to two...it helped reassure her that her and howler were equally loved and cared for...and in the run up to howler coming she claimed her side first and we put a toy for howler in the other side so it symbolised a plce for her...it also menat she wasn't kicked out of her buggy for howler, after a month or two we mostly use a single nd a buggy board and howler and squirrel mostly take their scooters, but she only liked doing that once she saw howler doing it too...she hated seeing howler in her sling even though she wqas too big for it and we did squeeze her back into it and carry her around sling style too (fortunately she is v petite!)we didnt givenew babies anytging that used to be hers... after awhile when she had accepted the placements she would pass things on of her own volition, but we never did it for her. we also set her up with a place for her fiddly things at the table...som,ewhere were she could do a jigsaw without having her oieces swiped and gummed... we gave her loads of attention and reassurance, but being mindful of her special things helped her see that we were looking out for her...we asked friends and relatives to talk to her about things that were just about her...favourite books etc before asking about her sibs, to make her see that she was being seen as herself not just part of a group. nursery helped with knowing that she was going through a change and did little special time with her and two other children that had recently had baby sibs...i pout up some new pics in her room, just her being hugged by all the important people in her life...she really needed to feel important...there was an angelina ballerina book about angelina getting a new brother and getting cross and braking things and her mum and granny not getting cross, but talking to her abou her feelings that was good post placement. on intros fc and i changed things around as we felt best met the needs of the children... also you could find out los nap time because a baby and a three year old will probably be on quite different schedules giving you v little time to yourself...but maybe some room for one to one time... we kept to fc schedule for awhile as we have always kept children in the routine they are used to at thebeginning eg when george came home we were 7 - george up and bottle 8 girls up and breakfast 1030 snack for everyone 1030-1230 george sleep 12-30 everyone lunch 1-2-30 girls sleep/ quiet time 2-30-5 all awake and park trip or similar 5 -630 - dinner/ bath/ milk/ stories / bedfor everyone it gave the children sometime to get used to the change and intergrate a bit more slowly...dh had a month of and as he went back we gently pushed george and the girls to a 1230 sleep and they all do everything together now and are very integrated, but that bit of breathing room helped we shamelessly abused our support network, mym mum and dad were there during intros and even if we were in borough, with hindsight i would ask them to come, because they did all our shopping, we cam home every night to freshly cooked meals and they did petrol runs and brought us anything we needed running around and helped take loads of los stuff from fc home. they also did a big shop and made sure hte house was clen and tidy when we got back this helpd us only concentrate on our los which tbh, we didn't have the energy for anything else! we went to our accomodayion a couple of sdays before intros started to settle lo in with both of us and familiarise ourselves with local parks, and spend time with squirrel one child to 4 adults on howlers intros! she couldn't be alone for the first month or so of placement and was super clingy...we tried to let her cling, pick her up and carry her as much as possible sorry this is another string of random thoughts... but its coming to the ned of naptime and i wanted to get as many down for you as i could... hope some help...every family is different! good luck ps doubles buggies aer always available on ebay and are quite easy to sell on after use if you do decide to go wuth one.
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 15, 2014 13:51:50 GMT
hi lovely bee... your little bee sounds a bit like squirrel...bright...articulate with a tendancy towards anxiety.. squirrel as been through three sets of intros (including her own) i might have a double buggy on hold somewhre... although squirrel didn't need the double...when we went from one to two...it helped reassure her that her and howler were equally loved and cared for...and in the run up to howler coming she claimed her side first and we put a toy for howler in the other side so it symbolised a plce for her...it also menat she wasn't kicked out of her buggy for howler, after a month or two we mostly use a single nd a buggy board and howler and squirrel mostly take their scooters, but she only liked doing that once she saw howler doing it too...she hated seeing howler in her sling even though she wqas too big for it and we did squeeze her back into it and carry her around sling style too (fortunately she is v petite!)we didnt givenew babies anytging that used to be hers... after awhile when she had accepted the placements she would pass things on of her own volition, but we never did it for her. we also set her up with a place for her fiddly things at the table...som,ewhere were she could do a jigsaw without having her oieces swiped and gummed... we gave her loads of attention and reassurance, but being mindful of her special things helped her see that we were looking out for her...we asked friends and relatives to talk to her about things that were just about her...favourite books etc before asking about her sibs, to make her see that she was being seen as herself not just part of a group. nursery helped with knowing that she was going through a change and did little special time with her and two other children that had recently had baby sibs...i pout up some new pics in her room, just her being hugged by all the important people in her life...she really needed to feel important...there was an angelina ballerina book about angelina getting a new brother and getting cross and braking things and her mum and granny not getting cross, but talking to her abou her feelings that was good post placement. on intros fc and i changed things around as we felt best met the needs of the children... also you could find out los nap time because a baby and a three year old will probably be on quite different schedules giving you v little time to yourself...but maybe some room for one to one time... we kept to fc schedule for awhile as we have always kept children in the routine they are used to at thebeginning eg when george came home we were 7 - george up and bottle 8 girls up and breakfast 1030 snack for everyone 1030-1230 george sleep 12-30 everyone lunch 1-2-30 girls sleep/ quiet time 2-30-5 all awake and park trip or similar 5 -630 - dinner/ bath/ milk/ stories / bedfor everyone it gave the children sometime to get used to the change and intergrate a bit more slowly...dh had a month of and as he went back we gently pushed george and the girls to a 1230 sleep and they all do everything together now and are very integrated, but that bit of breathing room helped we shamelessly abused our support network, mym mum and dad were there during intros and even if we were in borough, with hindsight i would ask them to come, because they did all our shopping, we cam home every night to freshly cooked meals and they did petrol runs and brought us anything we needed running around and helped take loads of los stuff from fc home. they also did a big shop and made sure hte house was clen and tidy when we got back this helpd us only concentrate on our los which tbh, we didn't have the energy for anything else! we went to our accomodayion a couple of sdays before intros started to settle lo in with both of us and familiarise ourselves with local parks, and spend time with squirrel one child to 4 adults on howlers intros! she couldn't be alone for the first month or so of placement and was super clingy...we tried to let her cling, pick her up and carry her as much as possible sorry this is another string of random thoughts... but its coming to the ned of naptime and i wanted to get as many down for you as i could... hope some help...every family is different! good luck ps doubles buggies aer always available on ebay and are quite easy to sell on after use if you do decide to go wuth one.
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Post by lovelybee on Apr 16, 2014 19:11:43 GMT
Thanks LOBS and Choti for the additional advice!
We got a unanimous Yes at matching panel - Yay!
Finally feel this is really happening and I am strangely feeling more relaxed now! Panel was so informal and friendly - they know us well as 4th panel in just over 2 years!
Now to get the house ready and go shopping! Littlebee has spent the day playing mummy with her baby doll and hasn't stopped talking about babybee!
Can't believe babybee will be home forever in less than 2 weeks now! Can't wait to finally hold her and see Littlebee and babybee together.
LB x
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Post by giggles on Apr 16, 2014 19:38:52 GMT
Wow! Massive congratulations to you all. Great news.
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