Impact of Fostering on FC's children

Very interesting read.

I've often wondered how FC's children feel about having to share their parents with unrelated children. I think I would have found this really hard and would have been quite resentful, when I was young.

I had assumed that most FC's only really foster when their BC are older, or able to understand eg teenagers and independant and able to look after themselves to some extent. I can't see how you could do it successfully if you had little ones, or foslings of a similar age, surely that would be very unsettling to your own BC, when the AK'S move on to their own families.

How do your children cope when foslings move on?
Do you think your children were resentful of sharing your time?

Think this could be a good one for discussion.

I was a single parent and I fostered from when my BD was 8 years old until she left home. I fostered up to two children on a short term basis and up to three in an emergency (very time limited) so I asked for her views on this - here is her response (I should warn you all that she can be rather outspoken):

In general a birth child should be able to handle sharing their parent(s), especially as it's on a temporary basis. If you've done your job properly then your child shouldn't worry that they, who were born in the house, will be sent away based on the fact that a child you were caring for temporarily went back to their own parents or their new parents. The only way a child should feel like they're going to be sent away is if the parents don't explain the process properly to the children (ie that you're a temporary carer for the foster children but are still the parent of your own child). Having a sibling is good for children, it teaches them to share, to coexist, it's beneficial for child development to know that there are going to be people around that you have to share your life with a little bit sometimes or long times and, if your child struggles with that then, they need all the practise they can get otherwise they're going to make terrible, socially awkward adults.

On the flip side, the only thing I remember ever being not happy about (and even then, not jealous and upset, because my mom handled it well) was the fact that you get money for foster children to buy them new clothes/beds/pushchairs/toys and you don't get money for your birth children for the same things. But I had lots of clothes and toys (and my mom tended to buy me something at the same time, and I understood that the money came from social services, not from Mom) and also having my own Mom there looking after me sort of made up for not having a collection of new things

Wow she's a switched on BD and how lovely that you provided the base and way of being for her to feel this way.

Really enjoying this thread/discussion. It's great to get an insight into the FC world.

I had a long chat with YDD's FC yesterday when I went to visit and she was telling me about a fosling she had living with her for 6 months. FC only does female teenagers and this girl was out and out racist. FC is African and this girl was white and was sooooo racist. Was out in the open about it telling FC she didn't like black people, used to write racists things on the walls all around the house, used to call FC's DD racist names etc.

I was astounded and couldn't believe FC put up with this for 6 months! No way, would I have put up with it, and why place this child with a black FC? Madness.

I really feel that FC (Christian so very understanding/tolerant) let her own DD down. There is no way I would let my DD be subjected to racist abuse in her own home, the one place she should feel free from it.

I have been reading this thread because it's very relevant to us, as we think of possibly fostering.

Lots of food for thought. My two AS's want us to foster but with mixed motives!

My only concern is if it destabilised ds2 who is now so settled but had a rocky start.( not worried about ds1 who is very much on the ball about life and it's ups and downs and about foster care) ds2 also understands and remembers foster care, but is younger and certainly used to be less emotionally robust.

Wouldn't want to destabilise him.

Interesting thread. My parents were foster carers. We did short term day fostering for a bit. Then long term fostering. I was seven when my two brothers moved in (either side of me in age) and my sister was 12.

To be honest, I took it pretty much in stride. We were told we were getting new brothers. Seemed exciting. With such an age gap between me and my sister, I looked forward to have siblings more on my level! I'm told our SW did talk to us individually about it before approval and all that, but I honestly don't remember. Mostly I remember going to the children's home several times to visit, and them visiting us quite a few times before actually moving in. Oh and the box room being stripped of its boxes and replaced with bunk beds

I remember things getting difficult. First with the oldest, then the youngest. Lying, stealing, running away, etc. The oldest would probably now be diagnosed with ASD but it wasn't really considered then. He's pretty much out of the picture these days. The youngest had a rough old time - but he's pulled himself through it. He has 3 kids, nice house, good job. He still has big issues around his life history and birth family. But he recognises that our Mam is the one that never gave up on him - even when he couldn't stay in the home - and that she has made the difference in his life.

I have to say I was pretty much oblivious to most of what was going on when we were younger. It's only now when I say to my mum "Starling's doing this", she'd say "Yeah, YFB did that too." I never noticed the small things - only when we were all teens and everything ramped up. It was hard to take some times. The atmosphere in the house was horrible at times. It was so hard for my mum (and my Dad really can't cope with anyone challenging his authority - not pretty) that I pretty much kept my head down and stayed out of trouble.

I no doubt had moments of jealousy and not wanting to share my parents, but that's all they were. On the whole, I loved having more kids to play with! And I've very much benifitted from it the last few years - you should see the difference in SWs faces and attitudes to you when they find out that yes you do know what you're getting yourself into

Needless to say my family (including YFB) have been invaluable all through my own process and embrace Starling wholeheartedly.

Fostering is something I have in the back of my mind to consider at a later point - but not until Starling is quite a bit older.