dimple
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Married Adopter
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Post by dimple on Nov 28, 2013 18:12:43 GMT
This is a rant.... I am upset, disappointed and angry and I hate LAs. And I sound like a teenager havinga strop!!!
We are approved adoptors, a little boy was identified in late September, met his social worker foster carer and all is good. Everything is as stright forward as it possibly can be. So everyone was hoping and expecting he would come home before he would come home before Christmas. We were then told we could have the pane date which would enable this as it was full. Also ones after this were also full so we were left scrabbling for a panel date. Supposed to be the 18 Dec now with formal decision just before New Year and intros starting 2nd jan. Very disappointed at this but
Mum to 3 birth children, linked to 12 month old little boy. Hopefully coming home at beginning of January.
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dimple
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Post by dimple on Nov 28, 2013 18:19:48 GMT
Arrgggh again, posted too soon.
So very disappointed at this but nothing we could do.
Now today we have been told the official decison wont be made until the 9th of Jan, delaying another week. Am furious and upset, the LA is proving to be useless. We are with a VA and our social worker is usingthe contcts she can to se if anything can be done, she is as mad as us and very experienced, her director is also contacting the oppoite number at LA also. Our LOs social worker is also very good but the system she has to work within is awful.
If they are this bad now what does thefuture hold for support with them? Our VA does have excellent post adoption support, but we still need the LA.
So all in all, I am so upset, why cant they just stick to a date, it feels like i am trying to nail jelly to a wall.
Rant over and feel a bit better
Dimple
Mum to 3 birth children, linked to 12 month old little boy. Hopefully coming home at beginning of January.
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Post by loadsofbubs on Nov 28, 2013 19:16:32 GMT
my LA have a standard wait time for the decision maker of three weeks post panel. used to be 7 days. that said the last two adoptions I have done both have been brought forward becoz of my commitments (would have meant 6-8 week delays if waiting for the commitments to be done with) and one had the DM decision in three days and the other one in 7. so when it suits the LA to be quick they can be. might be though that becoz its over Christmas and the decision maker is invariably someone high up in management and therefore not directly involved in grass roots social work that they have Christmas and new year off? frustrating for you though. been working with sw's and LA's for 15 years now between my youngest son and fostering babies and they ahvent improved in the time in any respect really.
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Post by kstar on Nov 28, 2013 22:02:15 GMT
I know it's really frustrating but the only advice I can give you is hang on in there... I recognize so much of what you are saying from my own experiences, I went from Oct link to Feb before I got to MP and it was still the end of May before I started intros, it's crackers but it happens.
All I can say is looking back now I don't care about any of it... My beautiful little girl is upstairs in bed and she's staying here!
As hard as it is, try and enjoy your last Christmas on your own because next year will be manic!!!
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Post by piglet on Nov 28, 2013 22:10:10 GMT
I second Kstar. I went from an attempt at pre christmas to a Jan panel and feb intros. To be honest I think it was for the best for us although it felt awful at the time. The frustration does fade in time. My beautiful little girl is also asleep and staying there  |
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dimple
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Post by dimple on Nov 28, 2013 22:13:04 GMT
Thanks for your replys. I think what is the worst thing is that we are promised a date, then it changes. Anything which is arranged or agreed just seems to not matter. This may seem odd, but I had been trying so hard to almost not think about our LO so as to not get too attached (not the best word to explain how I feel), but after the meeting earlier this week to sign everything and start planning intros, I started to relax and believe it is actually happening and imagining him with us and starting to love him.
Kstar you are right that in the grand scheme of things the delays won't matter, but still, it hurts and is just so wrong. A child should be with their forever family as soon as possible, not delayed just because of paperwork. Arrrggh, I'm ranting again.
Fortunately, even after the meeting earlier this week we still hadn't told the children exact dates. Our SW was visiting them after school today, she is good with them. That was hard though as we didnt want the children to know we were upset.
Thanks for your support.
Mum to 3 birth children, linked to 12 month old little boy. Hopefully coming home at beginning of January.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 28, 2013 22:19:13 GMT
I third Kstar! I'd also have been advising against a child moving in December even if things had gone to plan (sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear!) Christmas can be stressful for an adult, it's even worse for a LAC (I'm currently sporting a fetching split lip courtesy of my 4 year old fosling who punched me today because she's already struggling to cope with Christmas trees and lights appearing. And it's only November!)
In February this wait really will pale into insignificance.
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Post by happyone on Nov 28, 2013 23:39:42 GMT
Again not what you want to hear but I second no more tears totally re a November or December move xxx a few days and it will be forever xxxx he's a lucky little chap x
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Post by moo on Nov 29, 2013 5:16:41 GMT
Hugs dimple {{}} this is soo tuff for you.... Sadly as you can see it is all too common!!! 
Don't feel 'it's you ' coz I know 2 of our friends currently sharing wonderful intro diary's it happend to too... 
As others have said hang in enjoy your Christmas with the kids & actually jan will be here faster than you know.... 
I know that seems harsh & not what you want to hear but I think this is sadly part of the madness that is planet adoption... 
It'll be your intro diary before you know it{{{dimple}}}
Xx. moo. Xx
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soon2be3
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Post by soon2be3 on Nov 29, 2013 6:39:48 GMT
It feels so awful at the moment and the hardest part is that it is totally out of your control! We found out about our AS in the July and intros started mid Feb. We had dates changed at least 3 times and again after matching panel which broke my heart. I think this was the hardest part of the journey for me, being so close but still a world away  As others have said, the wait does fade in your memory with time. |
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Post by kstar on Nov 29, 2013 18:19:36 GMT
Yup all the way through my dates were changed at the drop of the hat, always to suit the FC and their family. The last time I had already moved into the holiday cottage to start intros!! Tbf that knew as totally justified but still. It sucks. So many things about adoption suck. Focus now on your BC and spoil them rotten this Christmas in celebration of being your last Christmas together just you before your gorgeous new addition comes along! Next year it can then be all about him!!
Chin up... You can do this!
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dimple
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Post by dimple on Dec 2, 2013 22:02:42 GMT
Good news, actually, quite unbelievable news. Got a phone call from our SW last thing today, our matching panel has been brought forward so its now the 11th (gulp), so the official decision is now in time for intros to be started as planned on 2nd of Jan. Really can't quite believe it, was really resigned to accepting that it would be at least mid Jan or later that we met our LO. So very, very excited. Am off to bed now, but chances of sleeping?  ! |
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Post by gilreth on Dec 3, 2013 16:53:45 GMT
Yeah great news. Something to really look forward to after Christmas. I have to admit I am surprised by the length of time some official decisions take. Standard in our LA is three days.... I will say we had the opposite problem - MP and Intros moved forward in us to avoid Sqk going into respite...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2013 16:40:06 GMT
Oh wow, what a great start to the new year Dimple.  |
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Post by loadsofbubs on Dec 7, 2013 18:01:33 GMT
that's brill. exciting days for you
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Post by moo on Dec 7, 2013 18:44:45 GMT
Yay fantastic news dimple..... Oh how wonderful for you.....   
Xx. moo. Xx
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