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Post by imp on Nov 28, 2013 14:35:31 GMT
For the first time on many years I am in a position whereby whatever happens I am going to feel guilty.
This is the first Christmas for my grandchild, who lives over 5 hour car journey away Due to daddy's job is not possible for the family to travel to us over the Christmas period, sooooooo
Either we take our smallest one with us, who will then miss out on a contact (very limited due to the holidays---currently 4 times a week but only one between Christmas and New Year---while we are away) and I feel Guilty
Or, we put smallest one into respite, which is total against my ethos of care---and I feel Guilty
Or, we don't visit my grandchild, and I feel Guilty |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2013 15:03:20 GMT
Go!
LO will only miss one contact and won't even notice and you deserve to have a life and see your grandchild - End of!
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Post by imp on Nov 28, 2013 15:36:44 GMT
Am afraid may not be quite as simple jmk, mum 'has her rights' , especially as she is breastfeeding/expressing.
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Post by donatella on Nov 28, 2013 16:20:34 GMT
Well then she can express enough in advance for you to take with you! You must go.
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Post by cowgirl on Nov 28, 2013 19:08:08 GMT
Could you agree to meet half way & the mother meet you ?
Perhaps 2.5 hours is a do able journey as 5 hours is certainly not
It's a tough job being a FC
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 28, 2013 19:57:18 GMT
Yikes! What a situation.
If this were my LA the decision would be out of my hands as SWs would absolutely refuse to allow a contact with birth parents to be cancelled at Christmas. So I'd "only" have to decide between respite and my grandchild (and hard as it would be, I think Grandchild's first Christmas would win).
How old is FC?
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Post by imp on Nov 28, 2013 21:37:58 GMT
Think that might be the attitude here, though LOs SW did ask me the dates we will be away to try to fit in---though don't know how much they will be able to do. I just hate feeling torn, really DO NOT like to use respite unless really important, though grandson is pretty important. Still will feel guilt though.
Little one will be 2 months at Christmas, and have already had to use respite once to go up to see g/child just after (traumatic) birth. We will be at home for Christmas day, but that's not the point, I don't like using respite on principle, when a child is with us, that's exactly where they are, with us.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 28, 2013 22:25:36 GMT
I share your principles regarding respite and I know how difficult it would be to leave a 2 month old. Maybe if parents are on-side (!) they could arrange to put 2 contacts together before you go, and after? So that they don't lose out, just get them at different times? (Even as I type this I know how very very rare it would be to get a parent who'd agree to that! I did have a parent who let me take their child on a (already booked pre placement) holiday that meant they missed out on seeing their child on his birthday because they preferred that to respite though, so you never know...
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Post by Ad-minnie! on Nov 28, 2013 22:33:17 GMT
Gosh, how very very difficult. I would say its the contact that should be changed but I guess its not that easy and maybe from what no more tears says impossible.
I have no idea how it all works, but I hope something can be worked out that means you don't feel guilty!
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Nov 29, 2013 9:25:57 GMT
No advice, but do SW not see the negatives to respite?
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Post by imp on Nov 29, 2013 11:48:49 GMT
My SSW certainly does , but the SWs from the family support team are--naturally---also very involved with Mum, and answerable to the courts. As I say, whatever the outcome I will end up feeling guilty.  |
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Post by moo on Nov 29, 2013 11:57:32 GMT
O.k. Imp this is your Christmas too!!
So how about nmt idea... Coz after all contact isn't gonna take place on either Christmas day or boxing day coz support staff will be off.... So surely a little give in your direction (rather than the normal take from you ) isn't too much to expect.... This is soooo tuff....
Good Luck I hope for once the s/w see sense ( now now no talk of flying pigs!!  )
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by imp on Nov 29, 2013 13:22:19 GMT
We will see. we will see, and I will let you know  |
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Post by imp on Nov 30, 2013 12:32:45 GMT
Though at least if tiny goes to respite I will have an unbroken nights sleep!!!!!
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Post by loadsofbubs on Nov 30, 2013 13:09:18 GMT
only if said grandchild sleeps as well!!  |
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Post by happyone on Dec 1, 2013 0:20:32 GMT
Half way meet up remember you are not the only one responsible for contact social work assistant can bring mum ...
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thespouses
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
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Post by thespouses on Dec 1, 2013 4:49:49 GMT
So are we talking contact on the 23rd/24th and 27th?
Any way you can persuade them to push the 27th to the 30th (and say you'll do all 4 working days that week? Or agree but have car trouble or be ill on the 27th (ssshhh).
To be honest we did very little for our little boy's first Christmas and grandparents were not there (MIL died shortly after placement so we just wanted to be quiet. We liked it that way so we're doing it again this year. This year it actually means something to him though (or it will when it's a bit closer - we don't do early Christmas decorations etc., Advent is a quieter time for me at least.
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Post by imp on Dec 1, 2013 20:06:50 GMT
There are three contacts planned over the 2 weeks of Christmas/New year and we will be away for the middle one. Unfortunately a weekend also happens, so no contact then---the Saturday would have suited us datewise. Not the easiest contact to arrange anyway, factors to be taken into consideration that are linked to child's background
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thespouses
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
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Post by thespouses on Dec 2, 2013 11:43:26 GMT
Could you "give them" Christmas Eve (if they celebrate Christmas) in the morning, leave in the afternoon, as a concession for not doing the Friday (27th) or Monday (30th)? (or just get back in time for the Monday one, which would mean you had a decent length of time away)? Christmas Eve would be very special for them, if you can arrange contact that morning?
Or is there no possibility to rearrange, just to say yes or no to the ones that are arranged?
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Post by imp on Dec 2, 2013 16:06:45 GMT
We don't go until 29th, back on 2nd, so that is the time frame to work round. Apart from our dates, there are many other LACs to be accommodated in the limited days available at the contact centre, which does also make it more difficult as the child's SW has to negotiate with them. Hope to have some answers by the end of the week
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Post by loadsofbubs on Dec 2, 2013 18:39:49 GMT
our contact service only offers one contact each week (one for christmas and one for new year) for all lac children using the service due to demand and less staff and less availability of venues, so understand the problems imp. and they wont work Christmas eve either.
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Post by imp on Dec 2, 2013 18:49:17 GMT
Have now offered a compromise, OH is prepared to miss a one day get together with other family on 27th, to have tiny available for contact, if they will swap 30th for 27th. Really DO NOT want tiny to go to respite for 4 nights just for the sake of 2 hours contact. We are just beginning to see the beginnings of routine and awareness that we are the care givers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2013 11:02:28 GMT
Oh, well done you Imp for sorting out a compromise. It is really touching to see how much you care about your LO's and the effect respite would have on him. Hope you have a fab time with your grandchild and LO will be surrounded by a loving family which is how it should be. You are FAB!!  |
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Post by imp on Dec 3, 2013 21:01:10 GMT
Thanks jmk, just love caring for the littlies, though have yet to hear if our compromise is acceptable. Should know by the weekend-----I hope.
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Post by imp on Dec 6, 2013 15:54:29 GMT
No more guilt . Compromise agreed and great SW is supervising contact, even though on annual leave. She sees the need for smallest one to be with us, we are now getting smiles and gurgles so it really does matter who he is with----and mum still gets her 2 hours contact . OH will miss out on a meal with my sibs, but that's a small price to pay!! |
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Post by loadsofbubs on Dec 6, 2013 18:37:57 GMT
yay for sensible sw's! squishy's cancelled contact for squishy today becoz there is so much flooding every where here (not with me but around the area disrupting travel). grandparents were gutted and think they would have tried to come but would have been stuck on busses for hours. I like squishy munchkins sw! sensible lady!
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Post by Ad-minnie! on Dec 7, 2013 10:17:26 GMT
Oh, imp ... so pleased You can ENJOY now |
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Post by imp on Dec 7, 2013 10:51:18 GMT
Certainly will |
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Post by imp on Jan 7, 2014 1:12:08 GMT
No Guilt!!
OH missed out on a day in London with my sibs so that tiny could have contact (made possible by a fantastic SW) but he was fairly content with that.
We all went away for new year and thoroughly enjoyed our selves and our littlest grandchild
We are now back home and it is as though Christmas and New Year never happened---seems so long ago, but
No Guilt!!
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Post by moo on Jan 7, 2014 6:16:03 GMT
Oh great imp xx
So glad you saw your darling littlest & you didn't sacrifice your times.... Sounds like you had a ball....
You are brill always putting you skwidges first 
Xx. moo. Xx
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