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Post by Ad-minnie! on Nov 27, 2013 21:55:31 GMT
I remember there being a thread on the "other" boards about why sticker / reward charts do not work with adopted children. It was very useful. I was wondering if we could start a similar thread here. If anyone can add some thoughts / explanations as to why they are not helpful it would be great  |
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tootsie
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 33 
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Post by tootsie on Nov 28, 2013 12:31:01 GMT
That's probably why my son couldn't care less about the reward chart they do at nursery! He does now however, like getting a glitter sticker put on his clothes (not on a chart!) when he's at nursery so he can see the glitter sticker glissen in the light. The joy is in the 'sticker' itself, not the reward if you know what I mean? Although they do give them for 'good' behaviour, he certainly does not consciously work towards getting one, it is a pure fluke and I am always pleased for him when he has one on his jumper.
Personally, I think rewards can work (not sticker charts), providing a child can accept the reward, but it needs to be instant. A reward can even be classed as a verbal 'well done', 'thank you' or 'that's great', it doesn't have to be physical. My son likes a high five! My opinion only.
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Post by leo on Nov 28, 2013 20:39:24 GMT
I think it's something to do with shame too; that they don't believe they are worthy of any praise or anything good.
Something that works fairly well for us here is delayed praise. At times (haven't done it for a while - amazing how you forget something that actually worked really well!), I used to carry post-it notes around with me and during the day I would jot down little things about them that made me smile or something they had done that was kind/thoughtful/helpful ... After tea we would then sit together and I would read them out to them. They seemed able to cope with it in private and away from the actual behaviour/time that it happened (even now if I forget and praise them for something they instantly do the complete opposite or sabotage it entirely!) They then chose one post-it that they would stick onto a piece of paper on our noticeboard - I think this maybe gave them some sense of control over it. Some days they sadly chose to throw all of them in the bin and not keep any - but we did work up to keeping them all and even them being able to generate one or two themselves. T
Sorry, not quie 'why sticker charts don't work' - tiredness makes my mind ramble!
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Post by piglet on Nov 28, 2013 21:29:46 GMT
I agree with everyone, Little Roo is always to 'in the moment' for a sticker chart to work. She also has an appalling memory for detail - of good things anyway. She loves the stickers at school she gets on her jumper as they are instant and she can remind herself, she loves any certificates, medals or trophies!
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Post by donatella on Nov 29, 2013 14:18:13 GMT
:PBecause I'm rubbish at them! Just really can't be arxed with all that faffing!!
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Post by sockthing on Aug 16, 2014 14:13:17 GMT
Received in the post this morning - an invitation from PAS to attend an adoptive parenting course with a list of topics covered including...."Using charts and incentives to promote positive behaviour".  I guess maybe....*maybe* it will cover the pitfalls!? here, a I believe a sticker chart would become a control battle. Kippers OT had an innocuous little joke with him about green ticks for doing so great, which he super-fast translated into marking the grown-ups with red ticks for saying or doing things he didn't like. It was one joke in one session, and 2 months later he still says to me "you're getting a red tick mummy" in his best angry voice. Tokoloshe... Awful, just awful!!! |
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Post by flowerpower on Aug 16, 2014 22:15:12 GMT
I'm with Donatella on this one we have started a few but I am rubbish at keeping them going x
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I guess maybe....*maybe* it will cover the pitfalls!?