I remember there being a thread on the "other" boards about why sticker / reward charts do not work with adopted children. It was very useful. I was wondering if we could start a similar thread here. If anyone can add some thoughts / explanations as to why they are not helpful it would be great
Single Mummy to my two boys, aged 4 years and 18 months, who light up my life
That's probably why my son couldn't care less about the reward chart they do at nursery! He does now however, like getting a glitter sticker put on his clothes (not on a chart!) when he's at nursery so he can see the glitter sticker glissen in the light. The joy is in the 'sticker' itself, not the reward if you know what I mean? Although they do give them for 'good' behaviour, he certainly does not consciously work towards getting one, it is a pure fluke and I am always pleased for him when he has one on his jumper.
Personally, I think rewards can work (not sticker charts), providing a child can accept the reward, but it needs to be instant. A reward can even be classed as a verbal 'well done', 'thank you' or 'that's great', it doesn't have to be physical. My son likes a high five! My opinion only.
I think it's something to do with shame too; that they don't believe they are worthy of any praise or anything good.
Something that works fairly well for us here is delayed praise. At times (haven't done it for a while - amazing how you forget something that actually worked really well!), I used to carry post-it notes around with me and during the day I would jot down little things about them that made me smile or something they had done that was kind/thoughtful/helpful ... After tea we would then sit together and I would read them out to them. They seemed able to cope with it in private and away from the actual behaviour/time that it happened (even now if I forget and praise them for something they instantly do the complete opposite or sabotage it entirely!) They then chose one post-it that they would stick onto a piece of paper on our noticeboard - I think this maybe gave them some sense of control over it. Some days they sadly chose to throw all of them in the bin and not keep any - but we did work up to keeping them all and even them being able to generate one or two themselves. T
Sorry, not quie 'why sticker charts don't work' - tiredness makes my mind ramble!
I agree with everyone, Little Roo is always to 'in the moment' for a sticker chart to work. She also has an appalling memory for detail - of good things anyway. She loves the stickers at school she gets on her jumper as they are instant and she can remind herself, she loves any certificates, medals or trophies!
Received in the post this morning - an invitation from PAS to attend an adoptive parenting course with a list of topics covered including...."Using charts and incentives to promote positive behaviour". I guess maybe....*maybe* it will cover the pitfalls!?
here, a I believe a sticker chart would become a control battle. Kippers OT had an innocuous little joke with him about green ticks for doing so great, which he super-fast translated into marking the grown-ups with red ticks for saying or doing things he didn't like. It was one joke in one session, and 2 months later he still says to me "you're getting a red tick mummy" in his best angry voice.
Tokoloshe... Awful, just awful!!!
**** Mum to my gorgeous lively boy Kipper, aged (6) ****