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Post by mrsbear21 on Apr 6, 2022 20:20:15 GMT
So we didn't get linked yesterday, despite all the warm fuzzy sounds the SWs made last week.
The good news is they've not passed on us. They want a second in person meeting to which they will be bringing the foster carer.
Their reasons for not linking yesterday were:
- Mr Bear looks quite similar to the previous adoptive father LO was introduced to. Mr Bear’s more introvert nature coupled with this means they're worried how he will come across to LO given that he has already been rejected by a similar adoptive parent. They want our SW to discuss this with Mr Bear and consider how to make LO feel engaged (maintaining eye contact etc).
- Our home came across as very organised and calm, so what impact would a loud, clumsy LO have on it and how would we react.
Logically, objectively, I know they have the weight of the failed adoption on their shoulders (the LO's SW team hasn't changed). They have to be sure this time. We have to be sure we can live up to this. What we need to do is listen to them, mean it when we say we will be guided by them and not repeat the same mistakes made before.
But why not say last week "maybe we need a second visit". Not "linking meeting Tuesday, matching panel end of the month".
This is minor and will pass..... but.... SWs don't half (even accidentally) get you confused sometimes. 😳
(And thanks for the good wishes Moo! Sorry you'll have to keep your fingers crossed a little longer.)
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Post by leo on Apr 6, 2022 21:04:40 GMT
Oh I'm sorry. You must feel really flat - and confused. Social workers have a tendency to leave those feelings in their wake! (It can give you a real insight into how the child must feel to be on the receiving end of so many social worker decisions.)
If you feel these are legitimate issues then think about how they could be resolved - the first one could be partly tackled by a series of theraplay sessions/dyadic sessions with maybe just Mr. Bear and the child?
If they are not legitimate concerns and are anxiety/jitters on their part then hold firm and keep pushing for the paperwork- you wanted a longer prep time anyway so it could be good.
Stay strong, don't let their wobbles wobble you if you feel you are a good match and can parent this child and his needs.
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Post by mrsbear21 on Apr 6, 2022 21:45:11 GMT
Thanks Leo. Flat is the right description.
Very good point about it being an insight.
And Mr Bear is an introvert; we said as much. And it's perhaps more apparent when you're comparing him to me. We're self acknowledged opposites. So I'll definitely discuss your suggestion with Mr Bear / our SW.
I do still think we're right for this LO; but we're in no rush and better for him for all of us to be sure and think it through than rush it.
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Post by moo on Apr 7, 2022 10:40:12 GMT
Oh No Mrs B.....
O.K. as Leo says this is a signpost to sw perceived probs... tbh tho sw always in my exp drop a bomb & ask adopters to think about it....... ( as if we are going in not having thought anything thro duhhhh) As in my post about link meeting with lo & mud issues......
Yep still go with your gut... Also see how Mr B feels about this new info... deffo fab signpost to request therapeutic input for Mr B & lo?!! Rarely happens in my exp, but sw cannot now deny issue can they?!? Well they can if they see funding probs to support the match with therapy .....
Sadly you have already been subjected to sw madness what they give/promise with one hand they take away with another..... Never ceases to amaze me it is like a "d'you know what, there is this thing maybe we should have thought a bit more about....... What Do You Think NowThen...... ."
Arggghhhh.... Hang in, vent on here if you need, chat with your sw you do seem to have great support xxx
Sending more luck to see the wood from the trees....
Hugs xx
Xx moo 🐮
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Post by flutterby on Apr 7, 2022 10:54:45 GMT
Really sorry to hear this MrsBear. But what are Social Services playing at? Surely they had photos of yourselves and should have noticed the likeness before? Made you aware of it too?
Wishing you all lots of stamina and hope this issue can be resolved.
Not sure if this has been mentioned before, but you will have to work with the placing authority for the next three years. Have you evaluated if this is possible? Not meaning to be doom and gloom, but sadly it is a factor you need to take into account - especially with a complex child.
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Post by mrsbear21 on Apr 7, 2022 19:35:34 GMT
Thanks Moo & Flutterby
They've already mentioned LO has just started therapy to help with the split from the siblings. They want it to continue post placement. So it's definitely a conversation we can have. And no, they cannot suggest there isn't an issue now.....
And yes they had photos of us. 8 to be exact as required by the Linkmaker profile. Plus a video (don't ask; I am not a natural film director!), one Teams meeting for 2 hours and an in person meeting for 4 hours. And they never mentioned this point in any of that!!
For now, for what it's worth, yes I think we can work with them in the long run. They are very supportive of and care for LO. And they've been his team since he came into care and I know that that continuity is unusual and hopefully important.
And in mitigation, his social worker is very senior, carrying the burden of getting the first placement wrong, then having to split the siblings (and query if those previous adopters have raised a complaint etc) currently managing the sister's placement as we speak, and they're going through an OFSTED inspection for which a good number of her files have been selected for review.
I can forgive the wanting to be sure. I can forgive the wanting the FC's opinion.
I just wish they were a tad more organised or consistent. But I guess that's a bit like wishing for diary milks to grow on trees!! 😊
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